Straight Line of the Day: The Confidential Obamacare Navigator Manual Has Been Uploade Online. The Most Interesting Thing In It…

Posted on December 17, 2013 12:00 pm

[High Praise! to Rodney Dill for the suggestion]

The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it…

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62 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: The Confidential Obamacare Navigator Manual Has Been Uploade Online. The Most Interesting Thing In It…”

  1. walruskkkch says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it…

    is the title “Abandon ye all hope who enter.”

  2. rodney dill says:

    …it’s composed entirely of walrus knock knock jokes.

    …all the walnut cookie recipies

  3. walruskkkch says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it…

    some very bad cookie recipes, not like our Anonymiss! Ruler of all Cookiedom.

  4. Steve H says:

    … are the many references to Nintendo cheats.
    … are the number of times “red capsules” and “blue capsules” are mentioned.
    … are the occasional passages in English.
    … is the part where you swear allegiance to the Masonic Lodge.
    … are the redacted references to God (no wait, that’s everything BHO has written).

  5. walruskkkch says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it…

    all those social security numbers.

  6. Steve H says:

    … where the cartoon characters actually seem to be speaking to the reader

  7. Steve H says:

    … where Dimmy the Democrat chases Robbie the Republican through the Evil Forest while yelling “Sign the Form! Sign the Form!”

  8. can of spam says:

    … is that it’s just a different cover slapped on top of a Lincoln Navigator user manual.

  9. HokieGomer says:

    …was that it could only be opened by reciting the words “Klaatu Barada Nikto”, otherwise the world would end. Oops!

    …was that inside the cover, you discovered it was actually the Necronomicon. Oops!

  10. can of spam says:

    … is the consistent sequence of references to the “super-duper extra-secret Navigator Manual”.

  11. can of spam says:

    … “track changes” was left on, and the markups show that the original had “Property of ACORN” stamped all over it.

  12. HokieGomer says:

    …was that it was subtitled “The Book of the Dead”

  13. can of spam says:

    … the incentive program providing a free iPad for each 100 successful identity thefts.

  14. Uncle Kevvie says:

    …well, you see, there are a couple.
    1) It’s written totally in Hooked on Phonics script and even then,
    most of The Navigators are not capable of reading even that.
    2) The Ebonics Supplement throws a bunch of them off their feed. It is a foreign language, you know.
    3) Why is Barry’s Picture placed every 5 pages or so, doing stuff ?
    4)….the offer at the end of the manual to purchase the autobiography of K. Sebelius, at a “special discounted rate”.
    5) …the new math primer needed to make it look like America is getting a ‘genuine bargain’.
    6) ….doodle pages and coloring instructions, as part of the manual.

  15. can of spam says:

    … the “bounty” program for turning suspected TEA Partiers in to the IRS.

  16. HokieGomer says:

    …was the Technical Support number listed was based in India.

  17. FormerHostage says:

    The most interesting thing in it? I don’t know, the link doesn’t work.

  18. c64wood says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it…

    …how many times the word “lie” appears

    …it that it was transcribed from the dictation taken by the Mandela memorial sign language guy

    …is that you need actually need a “confidential clearance” to read it.

    …is the pack of crayons that come with it

  19. walruskkkch says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it…

    was the final chapter which said, “Ignore inconvenient facts as necessary. Tell lies when needed. When pressed, blame some low level employees in the Cincinnati office.”

  20. rodney dill says:

    …allows navigators to accrue Magellan points which will allow them to purchase an ObamaCare waiver or other valuable gifts.

  21. FormerHostage says:

    …all the Masonic Lodge references.

  22. Jimmy says:

    …was the detailed chapter on “Hoodwinking and Bamboozling Your Clients.”

  23. rodney dill says:

    …encourages navigators to read Vogon poetry over the phone to ‘problem’ enrollees.

    …says to start every response with, “Hello… this is Peggy.”

  24. can of spam says:

    @17: *applause*

  25. walruskkkch says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it…

    THe Prophecy.

  26. walruskkkch says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it…

    Chapter one says, “Obama, you gotta love him with all your heart.”

    In Chapter two, “You tell people that with their doctor they never will part.”

    In Chapter three, “Remember the meaning of IRS Audit.”

    IN Chapter four, “If facts are inconvenient, then you just ignore it.”

    I wonder, wonder, who a-who, who wrote the book of Obamacare…

  27. Bob B says:

    …is that the process is a simple 3-phase matrix
    Phase 1 – Gather all personal data
    Phase 2 – ???
    Phase 3- Insurance!

  28. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . is the dedication to Karl Marx.

    . . . is the review blurb on its cover from Al Gore, claiming that he and Tipper were the inspirations for it.

    . . . is the pictures, some of which Joe Biden hasn’t yet colored in.

  29. Burt says:

    …the first rule of “Health Insurance Marketplace Navigator Standard Operating Procedures Manual.”: there is no “Health Insurance Marketplace Navigator Standard Operating Procedures Manual.”

  30. Burt says:

    …is that it should be accepted as the authoritive replacement for the Domesday Book of William I, 1086.

  31. rodney dill says:

    ….is the preface, Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!

  32. rodney dill says:

    …is the lettering on the front, “DON’T PANIC”

    …is the lettering on the front, “EMBRACE THE SUCK”

  33. blarg says:

    …in the preface it says “just pay the $95″

  34. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …that despite the title, “To Serve Americans,” it’s reads more like a cookbook.

  35. Gumbeaux says:

    It is written in cursive, to prevent the navigators from reading it. Plausible deniability and such, so they can violate laws with impunity, just like the rest of the Executive branch.

  36. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it is Mitt Romney’s tax records.

  37. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it is… squirrel!

  38. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it is the script that touts the site server’s extensive use of cutting edge technology like punch cards and vacuum tubes.

  39. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it is the part that reads, “Enter CTRL ALT R N C to transmit file to IRS audit section.”

  40. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it is the job performance standard of 100 percent of all customer telephone calls answered in 72 hours or more.

  41. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it is the standby list of names linked to voter registration forms for callers who don’t speak English or have a valid Social Security Number.

  42. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it is the state health care exchange corporate board lists that are printed on White House stationary.

  43. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing about it is that it’s the only document NSA and Edward Snowden both agree has zero intelligence value.

  44. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it is the requirement on each page for the reader to stop before continuing to allow their IQ the opportunity to halt its freefall.

  45. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it are the dialog boxes accompanying the pictures that read, “Crash!”, “Bang!”, and “Sproi-yoy-yoy-yong!!”

  46. rodney dill says:

    …were the instructions, “If all else fails release the manolo.”

  47. blarg says:

    …how much of the manual deals with “managing sticker shock”.

  48. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it are the comments from the copy editors like, “Use this one if they sound black and rich,” “This one if they sound black and poor,” “This one if they sound white and rich,” “This one if they sound white and poor,” “This one if they sound Hispanic and…”

  49. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it were the coffee cup stains that look exactly like the English comprehension portion of the new Health and Human Services-developed, Department of Justice Civil Rights Divison-approved, and Organizing for America-administered voter eligibility tests.”

  50. Bob B says:

    …the section on accessing the Healthcare.gov website features the Serenity Prayer.

    …is the drinking game that accompanies the instructions for navigating the website, based on error messages encountered, “for hours and hours of increasingly relaxed fun”. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery immediately after playing this game!

  51. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it was that it was that it started with, “Well, Prince, so Genoa and Lucca are now just family estates of the Buonapartes.”

  52. Dohtimes says:

    …is the instructional VHS tape of the movie “Diner” and a box of popcorn.

    …is the warning about being fired if the applicant finishes signing up before all bank accounts are emptied.

    …is the flow chart designed by 4of7.

    …is the express sign up option training is having the applicant wait until your drool makes the manuals pages stick together.

    …is the legalistic writing that makes illiteracy a good thing that verges on being a redundancy.

  53. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator Manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it is the Comptroller General’s warning that the document could be hazardous to one’s fiscal health.

  54. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator Manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it is that it starts with, “Once upon a time there was a greaaattt and smart president….”

  55. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator Manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it are the hyperlinks to sites like “Seven Ways To Deliver Bad News To Customers,” “How To Tell Someone They’re Going To Die,” and “How To Die Poor.”

  56. walruskkkch says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it…

    requires you run it through a translation process of English to Finnish, Finnish to Mandarin, Mandarin to Klingon, Klingon to Elvish, Elvish to Russian and then finally Russian back to English where it is revealed, Obama is an idiot.

  57. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it was the Journolist strategy to not report on the uploading of the confidential Obamacare Navigator manual.

  58. Manolo says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting things in it were the two contractor invoices: $50 to upload it and $700,000 to take it down.

  59. E Pluribus Unum says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it…

    … a treasure map showing the location where Toure’s brain is buried.

  60. RAML says:

    is that anyone took time to read it … or that the people involved had the brain power to actually understand what they just read or remember it for 10 seconds.

  61. HokieGomer says:

    …was the copyright at the bottom “© 1993 Hillary Rodham Clinton World Press – All Rights Reserved”

  62. walruskkkch says:

    The confidential Obamacare Navigator manual has been uploaded online. The most interesting thing in it…

    are what appear to be letters arranged in a manner that suggests words concatenated similarly to sentences linked together in, for all intents and purposes, what must be paragraphs all of which suggests some kind of inherent design by an intelligence approximating human. Which makes it bloody funny that it’s no help at all for getting affordable healthcare.

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