Straight Line of the Day: The Most Popular Gift This Christmas…

Posted on December 19, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The most popular gift this Christmas…

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72 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: The Most Popular Gift This Christmas…”

  1. Steve H says:

    … would be to wake up and discover the last 7 years were a Dallas-like dream sequence.

  2. Jimmy says:

    …an Obamacare exemption signed by the Messiah.

  3. Steve H says:

    … okay, I’ll be the one to say it – Anonymiss cookies !!!

  4. DamnCat says:


    Same as every Christmas.

  5. DamnCat says:

    Red plaid adult-sized onesies.

  6. walruskkkch says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas…

    The Return of Anonymiss…and her magical cookies of everlasting life!

  7. walruskkkch says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas…

    an early bird ballot for 2014.

  8. Dohtimes says:

    …even more FU money that will be showered on the Duck Dynasty guys.

    …a partridge in a pear tree to test out that new shotgun.

    …re-gifted more than a walnut cookie sampler, Tony Romo as your opposing teams starting QB.

  9. walruskkkch says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas…

    hookers and blow.

  10. c64wood says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas…

    …subscriptions to bacon of the month. The gift that keeps giving all year.

    …2014 Acura RLX (well is it on the top of my list)

    …2014 Calendars

    …bacon, did I mention bacon?

  11. Karen says:

    … Are ball-gags for the people who spend the holidays pushing Obamacare (Although mostly among the givers).

    … Earplugs, for everyone who lives with someone who pushes Obamacare over the holidays.

    … Footsie Pajamas!

    … A gift certificate for the guy who will change the locks after you leave your 30-something son’s suitcases on the porch.

  12. can of spam says:

    … SPAM of the month club.

  13. Burt says:

    …Miss Kay’s Duck Commander Cookbook! (might have some cookie recipes)

  14. c64wood says:

    Whatever it is, it needs to be good enough to re-gift, de-gift, and be used for an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp.

  15. can of spam says:

    … and end to all of the obnoxious “why is Santa white?” stories on the news.

  16. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . anything alcoholic, so that we can drink to forget the past five years

  17. Burt says:

    …FrankJ bobble head!

  18. can of spam says:

    … the “Best of Straight Line of the Day” collection by IMAO Press. Well, at least to those of us getting royalties.

  19. can of spam says:

    … the “My First Nuclear Missile” kit.

  20. can of spam says:

    … an official Frank J, carbine action, buckshot range model shotgun. (I promise I won’t shoot my eye out.)

  21. can of spam says:

    … the official “Breaking Bad” home chemistry experiment kit.

  22. can of spam says:

    … will be known by the NSA before they’re even unwrapped.

  23. blarg says:

    …$95 gift card for the IRS


  24. Bob B says:

    …will be left on the shelves in droves by people who are panicking over how to pay for their ObamaCare insurance price spikes.

  25. Sarge says:

    Official Phil Robertson MSM-edition Inflatible Love Doll, complete with strategically-placed Duck Call & built-in Disapproving Stare!

  26. can of spam says:

    … copies of “Website Programming for Dummies” before supplies run scarce due to a mass order from HHS.

  27. Bob B says:

    …will be lumps of coal for Obama, Sebelius and the other perpetrators of the ACA.

  28. can of spam says:

    … that wonderful feeling you get, visiting with your entire family, of knowing that tomorrow you can go home and get away from them for another year.

  29. can of spam says:

    (@28: I love my family, but small doses are quite enough.)

  30. can of spam says:

    … will be something the media deems immoral, borderline illegal, racist, sexist, intolerant, divisive, harmful to children (and adults, even), and in dire need of banning by a government agency. Like a Bible.

  31. walruskkkch says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas…

    cannot be found in stores but if you order online right now it could be yours for only $99.99!

  32. can of spam says:

    … the possibility of a second bowl of gruel. (Comment-to-be for Christmas 2017)

  33. Steve H says:

    @13 – Traitorous!

  34. Gumbeaux says:

    Saving 100% on my health insurance by involuntarily switching to Obamacare.

  35. rodney dill says:

    ….obviously the twelve days of ObamaCare

    On the twelfth day of Christmas, Obama Care gave to me
    12 Congressional inquiries
    11 th hour apologies
    10 claims denied
    9 navigators scamming
    8 condom boxes
    7 forms to fill out
    6 hours ER waiting
    5 Death Panels
    4 web site crashes
    3 different quotes
    2 doctors fleeing
    …and they cleaned out my bank account for free.

  36. FormerHostage says:

    the “Tony Romo” action figure! Pull the string and it chokes.

  37. FormerHostage says:

    …salt and ammo.

  38. FormerHostage says:

    …the new Anonymiss Easy Bake Cookie Oven.

  39. FormerHostage says:

    …a 2X4 Clue Bat ™ and Pajama Boy’s address.

  40. rodney dill says:

    @36 – GO PACKERS!

  41. rodney dill says:

    …The President Obama Rodeo Clown costume.

  42. rodney dill says:

    …walrus repellant

  43. FormerHostage says:

    …Obama supporters finding out that they are getting royally screwed by ObamaCare mandates.
    (Mm, your tears are so yummy and sweet! Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness!)

  44. FormerHostage says:

    I suspect you’re the eggman.

  45. FormerHostage says:

    …bacon cookies!

    …bacon covered bacon stuffed bacon deep fried in bacon fat.

  46. walruskkkch says:

    @42 Trust me, you don’t need any.

  47. FormerHostage says:

    …Peace on Earth and Goodwill towards all men………and an XBox.

  48. c64wood says:

    …Mandela memorial sign language guy interpretation book

  49. E Pluribus Unum says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas…

    …in spite of all the stupid “Happy Holidays” crap and GayRage, a return to our beginnings: Unto us a Child is born.

    …tins full of cookies that say “Kissed by AnonyMiss Love – but only if you think John Boehner is a big patootyhead” [That's quite a bit of wordage on a cookie, but hey, the gal is talented]

  50. Fred Key says:

    …the John Kerry Inaction Figure.

  51. rodney dill says:

    @44 – goo goo ga-joob

    @46 – …but I sometimes have Anonymiss’s Cookies

  52. E Pluribus Unum says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas…

    …a blowup doll for Obama that doesn’t look like a Wookie.

    …ObamaCare waivers – in 50-packs.

    …soft mittens for those still trying to sign up for Obamacare, to minimize damage from all the face-palms.

    …Impeachment Papers for O, handcuffs for most of his cabinet, and a rubber room for his vice president.

  53. Dohtimes says:

    …the Obama You Didn’t Build That Lego set, but you better re-gift it quickly because you can’t keep it.

    …the ACLU eX-Mas app, reminds you when you are offended by the religion on display, comes with six pack of pre-bunched underwear for those to lazy to be outraged in person.

  54. rodney dill says:


  55. walruskkkch says:

    @51 Are they still warm from the oven?

  56. Oppo says:

    … Gandhi Canes

    … Snowden Globes

    … GOPets

  57. Oppo says:

    @53: Also for the ACLU:
    the game of Toss-A-Cross

    For Rwandans:
    Hutu Hoops, Tutsi Rolls

  58. Oppo says:

    Malibu Barbie’s DREAM Act House

  59. Oppo says:

    … Gold, Frank incensed, and MIRVs

  60. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …my two front teeth. -Obamacare doesn’t cover dental.

  61. Manolo says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas is an Affordable Care Act Information Technology contract.

  62. Manolo says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas is a combination Snuggly Thundershirt.

  63. Manolo says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas is a compromised and disorganized Republican Party. Thanks, Boehner, Ryan, Cruz and McConnell. Thanks a lot…

  64. Manolo says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas is an Obama sticker affixed to a bumper yanked off of a Toyota Prius.

  65. Manolo says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas is found under the White House Christmas tree: the House Republicans’ jimmies.

  66. Manolo says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas is an Obama meme. EVERYONE wants one.

  67. Manolo says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas is raffle ticket for a chance to play slap face with Harry Reid.

  68. Manolo says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas is an Organizing For America volunteer shoved in a trash can.

  69. Manolo says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas is a picture of Obama…with a fly on his forehead. Yeah, you know the one I’m talking about!

  70. Manolo says:

    The most popular gift this Christmas is sitting around the dinner table laughing at the Democrats’ attempt at health care law making, Web site building and social media marketing featuring a freakish over-privileged hipster man-child wearing drop-bottom footie pajamas.

  71. Oppo says:

    @64: Get me one!!

  72. tanstaafl says:

    a one-way ticket to Mars

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