What Do You Call the Founder of Islam?

Posted on December 20, 2013 11:00 am

I was recently thinking: What’s a succinct secular term for the founder of Islam? You can’t just call him “Muhammad” because there’s like a jillion people named that now so one can’t be sure you’re referring to the founder of Islam Muhammad. And I’m not going to call him “The Prophet Muhammad” because I don’t think he’s a prophet. And I’m not going to put (pbuh) after his name because I don’t care if peace is on him (he’s dead).

Here’s my idea: Muhammad Prime. Makes sense since he’s the reason there are so many people are named Muhammad today. Also, it’s not insulting to Islam; in fact, it sounds kind of cool because it makes you think of Optimus Prime. I guess Muhammadtron would also be kind of cool, but it makes less sense and implies he’s a villain.

Anyway, just my idea.

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41 Responses to “What Do You Call the Founder of Islam?”

  1. The Sanity Inspector says:

    I manage to get by with just saying The Prophet Muhammad.

  2. Harvey says:

    “The Big Mu”

  3. walruskkkch says:

    Muhammad 1.0

  4. Jimmy says:

    Shirley.

  5. walruskkkch says:

    “What Do You Call the Founder of Islam?”

    Late for dinner, we are serving Pork Chops.

  6. jw says:

    i wouldn’t call him. i wouldn’t even send him an email.

  7. Steve H says:

    The only thing I can think of is NSFW.

  8. Steve H says:

    Hows about “Mo incestuous pedophile”

  9. silaS marreD says:

    I was thinking “Proto-Muhammad” sounds too long so I would go with
    ProtoMoto.

  10. Geoarrge says:

    Muhammad the Butcher of Khaybar.

  11. calcpa says:

    Mohammad came home one day and one of his wives was packing her clothes.
    He said “You can’t leave me! I paid seven camels for you. Plus three goats!”
    She said “I don’t care. I think you are a pedophile.”
    Pedophile! ? That’s a pretty big word for an eight year old!

  12. DamnCat says:

    Porky – you know, like calling a bald guy “Curley”

  13. Janeane Garofalo says:

    WHAT DO YOU CALL THE PROPHET MOHAMMAD????THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?????UGH!!!!!YEAH RIGHT!!!!!THIS IS MORE VILE UGLY HATEFUL BIGOTRY AGAINST A RELIGION OF PEACE!!!!!UGH!!!UGH!!!!UGH!!!!!YOU BIGOTS!!!WHERE IS YOUR RESPECT AND TOLERANCE FOR THE BELIEFS OF OTHERS HUH???CALLING A RELIGIOUS LEADER A PEDOPHILE IS NOT SHOWING THAT PERSON RESPECT!!!!YOU DISRESPECT A PERSON OF COLOR WITH THIS!!!NOW HES CRIPPLED WITH PARKINSONS DISEASE AND CANT TALK!!!! YEAH HE CHANGED HIS NAME AND RELIGION AND THEY STOPPED HIM FROM BOXING (UGH VIOLENCE UGH!!!) BUT HE CAME BACK AND BECAME A MIGHTY MAN OF PEACE!!!!!SO JUST SHUT UP AND START SHOWING RESPECT FOR THIS HISTORIC AFRICAN AMERICAN HERO!!!

  14. Janeane Garofalo says:

    OH HEY WINGNUTS MOHAMMAD DIDNT START THE NATION OF ISLAM HE JUST JOINED IT BACK IN 1968!!!!DUH!!!DUH!!!DUH!!!TALK ABOUT DUMB!!!GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT WINGNUTS!!!

  15. calcpa says:

    Sorry, Janeane, he did in fact “marry” a child of 8.

  16. Janeane Garofalo says:

    WIKIPEDIA SAYS MOHAMMAD WAS MARRIED FOUR TIMES AND NONE OF THEM WERE UNDERAGE!!!SO THERE BUBBA!!!DEAL WITH IT!!!!!ALL OF THEM JOINED THE NATION OF ISLAM!!!JEEZE THESE PEOPLE JUST CANT GET THE DETAILS RIGHT!!!HA!!!!!

  17. The Jinxmedic says:

    Bwahahahahaha!

    Doesn’t matter if Janeane is serious or sarcastic- it’s funny either way!

  18. walruskkkch says:

    How many people here think JG is talking about Cassius Clay, AKA Muhammad Ali?

  19. Jeff in South Dakota says:

    asshat?

  20. calcpa says:

    I have never been comfortable citing Wikipedia as a source, but since you did, I suppose it is OK.

    You need to look under “Aisha”, the child’s name.

    To quote Wikipedia:
    “Traditional sources state that Aisha was married to Muhammad at the age of six, but she stayed in her parents’ home until the age of nine, when the marriage was consummated with Muhammad, then 53, in Medina;[8][9][10] with the exception of al-Tabari who records that she was ten years old.[11]”

    To paraphrase Truman: I don’t have to lie in order to insult Islam, I just tell the truth and they think it is an insult.

    In the future when I tell the story, I will correct the age to nine.

  21. CCO says:

    Dead.

  22. 4of7 says:

    #18 – Walruskkkch,
    It took me a minute, but I finally followed the clues to that conclusion!
    From now on, I’ll study JG’s rants more closely for more hidden snark.
    Bacon!

  23. Jimmy says:

    @13: I give that an 8. Great job!

    (Judge, lest ye be judged not.)

  24. Oppo says:

    @17: and therein lies the clue.

    .

    Name suggestions,

    Bomber McKiddieboom

    Pedo von Fatwaknuckle

    Meccatron

  25. Oppo says:

    Mu-wa-ha-hahammad

  26. Oppo says:

    Funky Cold Medina-Boy

  27. Oppo says:

    Fatwa Albert

  28. Oppo says:

    The Panty-Christ

  29. Oppo says:

    The Mahatema

  30. Oppo says:

    Mr. “Come C4 Yourself”

  31. Oppo says:

    Big Chief Shakes-Fist-At-Jews

  32. writer says:

    Comrade Pissant #1

  33. Oppo says:

    Sharia leBouef (sp?)

  34. Oppo says:

    Pbuh! Pbuh! (Coughs up hairball)

  35. Oppo says:

    … um, should I not open any packages for awhile? Or am I safe because that death cult fatwas IMAO?

  36. Oppo says:

    Uncool and the Gang

  37. Oppo says:

    Mooooo!
    Ham???
    Med???

  38. Oppo says:

    New COKE (Convert Or Kill ‘Em)

  39. Oppo says:

    The Beheadinator

  40. Oppo says:

    Pope Kryptonite

  41. Oppo says:

    Halalrider

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