Whitey Christmas

Posted on December 17, 2013 10:00 am

SCCTM1The big hoopla right now is … no, not the president’s lie about keeping your insurance. No, not the NSA unconstitutionally monitoring your phone calls. It is, of course, the controversy over Santa Claus being white.

Now, here’s the thing: he is.

Or was. I mean, dead Greeks are white, right? Like 3rd century dead Greeks. Most Greeks today, and for centuries, have skin that’s a little darker than mine, but lighter than some other people. Now, there are Caucasoid, Mongoloid, Negroid, and Australoid races. Early classifications included Australoid as Negroid, but that’s no longer the case.

Anyway, Greeks? Caucasoid. White people, anthropologically speaking. Which means, Saint Nicholas of Myra was white.

Maybe that’s not the Santa Claus you were thinking of. Sinterklaas, perhaps? Well, Sparky, that’s the same dude. That’s St. Nicholas in the Netherlands and places like that. And he’s really white.

Now, there are other traditions that got all mixed in together. A little bit of Odin (white), some German (white) traditions, English (white) traditions, and so forth. Bunch of white folks all mixed together make up Santa Claus.

So, yeah, Santa’s white.

But, does that mean he’s only for white folks? That’s just plain silly.

Now, if Santa’s being white pisses you off, that’s your problem. If you want to work Santa into your Christmas celebration, that’s fine. And, if you’re not yourself white, and want to dress up like Santa, go ahead. There’s nothing wrong with that.

If you are, say, black, and you want to dress up as Santa, go ahead and do that. But, don’t put white makeup on. It’s rude for some white person to wear black makeup, and it’s rude for a black person to wear white makeup. Unless it’s for playing Ronald McDonald.

Heck, if you’re a woman and want to dress up like Santa, that’s fine too. Hell, dress your dogs and cats up like Santa. It’s all good.

It’s Christmas. Enjoy the season. If you want to get all worked up over black and white stuff, you can do that the rest of the year. Or, just become a Democrat. Then, you get to be all black-white divisive all year long.

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19 Responses to “Whitey Christmas”

  1. Matt Musson says:

    Comedian Kevin Hart says that even the black community does not want Santa to be black. “If Santa was black, the toys would not get delivered until the 28th or 29th.”

  2. Harvey says:

    Ya know what I hate? When people put on fake facial hair to play Santa. Santa is only for bearded men.

    You “shavers” can go get your own holiday mascot!

  3. Basil says:

    Now I know who gets to be Santa again this year at the IMAO staff Christmas party. And get all the pretty girl interns to sit on his lap.

  4. jw says:

    how come no whiteys at kwanzaa? well, i mean, aside from the fact that it is a phony racist holiday created for the very reason that blacks wanted their own holiday, not some old leftover whitey holiday. taking up a whole week, too.

  5. Harvey says:

    @3 – Which is your favorite of the Kwanzaa’s 7 Principles? I like “Ujamaa”

    http://theblackcandle.com/about-kwanzaa/

    @4 – If Frank hasn’t married them all yet. So far Frank’s married every single pretty girl intern IMAO has ever had.

  6. Jimmy says:

    @2 – if your beard isn’t totally white, you’re just a young Santa wannabe whippersnapper in training!

  7. walruskkkch says:

    I picture Santa as being more like a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri. The rest of you are all terrestialists.

  8. blarg says:

    …wait…IMAO has pretty interns?

    I thought it was just a bunch of angry racists posting from their basement next to ammo stash and hoard of freeze-dried food.

  9. Harvey says:

    @8 – You stay away from my freeze-dried food!

  10. Basil says:

    Besides, who do you think makes us sammiches?

  11. Matt Musson says:

    My favorite Kwanza principle is Umoja.

    Umoja Unity stresses the importance of togetherness for the family and the community, which is reflected in the African saying, “I am We,” or “I am because We are.”

    Basically – the We Be candle.

  12. Basil says:

    “I am We?” Kwanzaa stole from The Beatles?

  13. AwesometificAmerican says:

    My favorite Kwanzza principle is Jumanji and the traditional reading of “What the Hell is Kwanzza” delivered by Kwanzza-Bot.

  14. CapitalistB says:

    Robot Santa knows you’ve all been VERY naughty this year…

  15. DamnCat says:

    “Hell, dress your dogs and cats up like Santa.”

    Fixed it – You’re welcome

  16. DamnCat says:

    My favorite Kwanzza principle is Hakuna Matata.

  17. Janeane Garofalo says:

    CAN YOU FAT DUMB WINGNUTS BE ANY MORE RACIST?????NOOOOO YOU CANT!!!!!YOU PEOPLE DISRESPECT THE NOBILITY OF THE AFRICAN AMERICAN PEOPLE AND THEIR SACRED HOLIDAY!!!THATS JUST PURE RACISM AND HATESPEECH!!!WHATS NEXT A POST MOCKING POLYNESIANS AND BUDDIST JAPANESE???YEAH BETCHA WANT TO LAUGH ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE HUH???UGH!!!UGH!!!YOU BIGOTS!!!UGH!!!!!YTOU MAKE ME SICK!!!UGH!!!JUST SHUT UP!!!!!

  18. Oppo says:

    Janeane: Willl you marry me? And bring me a sammich?

    (P.S.: Polynesian want a cracker-nesion? Ha!)

  19. Oppo says:

    Um, Janeane, I just noticed that your avatar looks like a gymocological exam.

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