Abby Someone

In Indiana, a young man broke into a warehouse to steal the brains of dead mental patients so he could sell them on eBay.

And yet somehow he STILL managed to make more money than most government-funded green energy projects.

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  1. Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [to Igor] Now that brain that you gave me. Was it Hans Delbruck’s?

    Igor: [pause, then] No.

    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Ah! Very good. Would you mind telling me whose brain I DID put in?

    Igor: Then you won’t be angry?

    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.

    Igor: Abby someone.

    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pause, then] Abby someone. Abby who?

    Igor: Abby… Normal.

    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pause, then] Abby Normal?

    Igor: I’m almost sure that was the name.

    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [chuckles, then] Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA?

    [grabs Igor and starts throttling him]

    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Is that what you’re telling me?


  2. The Occupant said he’ll let the NSA continue to collect phone data on Americans, but he wants a private, third-party organization to store the data until the NSA needs it.
    I guess his buddies at Solyndra and Acorn have time on their hands.
    Or maybe he’ll just eliminate the middle-men and outsource our national security to his new best buddies in Tehran and North Korea?


  3. “That’s right, I’m selling Joe Biden’s brain.”

    “But you sold me Joe Biden’s brain last year! Not only that, this one is much smaller!”

    “Oh, well, that’s Joe Biden’s brain when he was a lad.”

    Ba dum dum.



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