Biden’s 2014 New Year Resolutions

Posted on January 7, 2014 9:15 am

My man in State has done it again.  He has managed to get his hands on the Vice President’s list of New Year Resolutions for 2014.   This year he resolves to:

  • Learn how to tie my own shoes
  • Get brave enough to pet Bo
  • Finish watching School House Rock’s How a Bill Becomes a Law
  • Get brave enough to pet Hillary
  • Steal my nose back from Sasha
  • Learn how to use my DVR so I can get caught up on the back episodes of Sesame Street
  • Get brave enough to pet Putin
  • Get past onesies in jacks
  • Figure out how to pry that safety plug out of the electrical outlet so I can finally taste it
  • Place in the Senate Simon Sez competition
  • Get brave enough to pet Rachel Maddow
  • Finally beat Barney Frank at strip tic-tac-toe
  • Prove that Nancy is a real witch
  • Finish the bust of Helen Thomas fashioned from my toenail clipping collection
  • Practice kissing with the bust of Helen Thomas fashioned from my toe nail clippings
  • Get brave enough to kiss the real Helen Thomas
  • Live happily ever after
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5 Responses to “Biden’s 2014 New Year Resolutions”

  1. FormerHostage says:

    Not miss the bowl…as much.

  2. FormerHostage says:

    Learn to speak with an Indian accent so as not to offend 7-11 clerks.

  3. jw says:

    visit Australia again, soon.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-25618683

  4. Tater Salad says:

    …visit Vienna Australia to hear Mozart live in concert.

    There. Fixed.

  5. Tater Salad says:

    Learn to speak with an Indian accent by watching Jay Silverheels so as not to offend 7-11 clerks.

    Fixed again.

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