Random Thoughts: Guns, J, and Climate Scientists

“The rifle has some of the features of an assault rifle, but with a .22 caliber.” And my 4-cylinder has some of the features of a sports car.

Every news story about guns should have this disclaimer: “This reporter is very scared of guns and has no idea what he’s talking about.”

Is it legal for me to burn weed inside a light bulb?

Last page of my daily Dilbert calendar: “All Jewish holidays begin at sundown the previous day.” Now you tell me!

Compromise: Smoking weed is legal. Punching hippies is legal.

I will never drop my middle initial as “J” is widely recognized as the best middle initial.

If you want some anecdotal evidence, I conceal carry and I’ve never been murdered.

It’s a good thing Laurence Fishburne became an actor and not a seafood chef.

Climate scientists need a cut off date. They should say, “We’ll all be dead by X” and if we aren’t dead then, we get to make fun of them.

How do you make men and women equal? How do you make apples and oranges equal?

So did 12 Years a Slave change anyone’s views on slavery? “I was totally for slavery until I saw that movie.”

If you get the government to inconvenience me in any way I will do everything in my power to destroy all you care about.

“The accumulated snow will be at their waists and all the whores and politicians will shout ‘Plow!’ And I’ll look down, and whisper ‘No'”

If you don’t like income inequality then donate most of your income to people in third-world countries.

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18 Comments

  1. “How do you make men and women equal? How do you make apples and oranges equal?”

    Apples and oranges become essentially the same after you eat them, but I’m not sure if that would work for people… I guess it’s time to watch Soylent Green, again…

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  2. I’m against income inequality, the 300 lb welfare queen next door doesn’t have to pay for anything but has everything, that doesn’t seem very equal especially since she has no income and I do.
    We’ll never have income equality when half the country doesn’t work, that would be a good start.

    When my insurance policy is cancelled in March, I’m going to ask my agent about a policy with no deductible, no co-pay and no premiums, like the whale next door, that seems pretty equal.

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  3. “J” is a good middle initial but when you publish your first Sci-Fi novel you should do it under a pseudonym with “Z” as the middle initial. That will give you more instant cred. in the Sci-Fi fanboy world.

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  4. Now that I think about it, a middle initial communicates a lot about who you are as a writer. For example:

    Frank J. Fleming- writes awesome political humor
    Frank Z. Fleming- writes awesome Science Fiction novels
    Frank X. Fleming- writes lame romance novels
    Frank A. Fleming- writes about unicorns and leprechauns
    Frank Fleming- writes TPS Reports for "Boise Janitorial Supplies, Inc."

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  5. On behalf of classic car lovers everywhere, I will go ahead and take exception to your “my 4-cylinder has some of the features of a sports car.” remark.

    You have just tossed out MGs, TR models almost too numerous to mention, but including the all the Super Models, the TR 1 through 4, the TR GTR4, all of the Spitfires, the Heralds, the Dolomite 1300 through the 1850 HL and the Acclaim. You have tossed out both the Datsun Fairlady 1600 and 2000 (which routinely smoked so called Pony Cars back in their day). You have thrown out Miatas, Toyota’s MR2 1st generation, 2nd generation and the Spyders…. Frank, you have tossed out virtually 90% of every roadster ever built.

    Your 4 cylinder does very much indeed share some features with some of the finest sports cars ever built.

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  6. If we only knew what the “J” stood for….. we could put you in line with a very prominent list of celebrities:

    John Wilkes Booth
    Jared Lee Loughner
    Lee Harvey Oswald
    James Earl Ray
    Mark David Chapman
    Gary Leon Ridgway
    John Wayne Gacy
    Paul John Knowles

    See!! You could be famous!!

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