Straight Line of the Day: The Feds Listed 141 New Regs in 3 Days. The Wackiest…

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The Feds listed 141 new regs in 3 days. The wackiest…

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  1. … the “Chris Christie is a poo-poo head” declaration
    … Hunting Season for Republicans
    … Days off for Gender Reassignment therapy (Pajama Boy and San Fran Nan still haven’t decided what gender they want to become)

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  2. The Feds listed 141 new regs in 3 days. The wackiest…

    Everyone to be called “Bruce” to avoid confusion.

    Woodchuck wood chucking shall be limited to the average amount of wood a woodchuck would chuck if all woodchucks would chuck wood.

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  3. The Feds listed 141 new regs in 3 days. The wackiest…

    The word pants will hereafter be prohibited in all internal government communications. Please substitute the word “Pantaloons”.

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  4. * The game can be played with a standard Earth deck of cards, despite the slightly differing deck on Beta Antares IV.
    * Each player gets six cards, except for the player on the dealer’s right, who gets seven.
    * The second card is turned up, except on Tuesdays.
    * Two jacks are a “half-fizzbin”.
    * If you have a half-fizzbin:
    – a third jack is a “shralk” and results in disqualification;
    – one wants a king and a deuce, except at night, when one wants a queen and a four;
    – if a king had been dealt, the player would get another card, except when it is dark, in which case he’d have to give it back.
    * The top hand is a “royal fizzbin”, but the odds against getting one are said to be “astronomical”.

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  5. …states that if a pitcher enters the game in the first inning with no outs before the opposing team scores and gets out of the inning without a run scored and then pitches the rest of the game without giving up a run he shall be credited with a shutout.

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  6. …the word mannequins is now a banned word, punishable by jail time. The reason is most mannequins are female in origin since women do more of the shopping.

    …the word women is now a banned word, punishable by jail time. The reason is most females are female and should not have the word male in their gender name.

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  7. . . . regulation states that all children under the age of eighteen are now eighteen (credit to Woody Allen for this one)

    . . . regulation prohibits former congressmen from New York from driving the Wienermobile

    . . . regulation requires that all taxpayers filing joint returns disclose who put the bomp in the bomp bomp bomp

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  8. … still can’t compete with the “Paperwork Reduction Act,” which requires a Paperwork Reduction Act Compliance Notice to be printed on all federal forms, which often adds a page to the form.

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  9. The Feds listed 141 new regs in 3 days. The wackiest…

    Catch-22 now applicable for all Federal Employment.

    One is the loneliest number. Two can be as sad as One.

    ” 1. No poofters.
    2. No Federal Employee is to maltreat the “Conservatives” in any way whatsoever—if there’s anyone watching.
    3. No poofters.
    4. I don’t want to catch anyone not drinking in their room after lights out.
    5. No poofters.
    6. There is no… rule six.
    No poofters.”

    Federal Employees are NO longer required to wash their hands after administering an “Audit” of a US citizen.

    Dog is now a required part of the food pyramid.

    Anonymiss will be found, she WILL administer judgement.

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  10. The Feds listed 141 new regs in 3 days. The wackiest…

    The Constitution of the United States of America will, from this point onward, be considered as “Suggestions” and enforced as such.

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  11. …concerns the elimination of the term ‘year’ as a measure of time and ‘light year’ as a measure of distance since these words are obviously terra-centric and thus not applicable in our advanced exploration into space.

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  12. 1) abstain from beans.
    2) Not to pick up what has fallen.
    3) Not to break bread.
    4) Not to step over a crossbar.
    5) Not to eat from whole loaf.
    6) Not to walk on highways.
    7) Do not look in a mirror beside a light.

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  13. 1) No poofters.
    2) No member of the faculty is to maltreat the Conservatives in any way whatsoever—if there’s anyone watching.
    3) No poofters.
    4) I don’t want to catch anyone not drinking in their room after lights out.
    5) No poofters.
    6) There is no… rule six.
    7) No poofters.

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  14. The wackiest new reg??

    Everyone must register at .gov and accept the new and updated “Terms & Conditions”. It is advised that you just scroll down and select yes without reading the actual “terms” ….just like you do when you sign up on other websites. Failure to register will cause the individual to be subject to “penalties.”

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  15. the wackiest…..

    ….is EOB Staff being docked a month’s pay and reduction in GS rating for failure to monitor the market prices for marijuana in Colorado and Washington State.

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