Straight Line of the Day: The Latest Surprise From HealthCare.Gov…

Posted on January 24, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The latest surprise from HealthCare.Gov…

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42 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: The Latest Surprise From HealthCare.Gov…”

  1. walruskkkch says:

    cookies will not be provided with your milk.

  2. can of spam says:

    All Republicans registering on the site are assigned to a Dr. Kevorkian as primary care physician.

  3. walruskkkch says:

    The latest surprise from HealthCare.Gov…

    all your base belong us.

  4. can of spam says:

    The Russian and Syrian identity thieves somehow managed to negate themselves. (But not the Chinese identity thieves.)

  5. walruskkkch says:

    The latest surprise from HealthCare.Gov…

    all x-rays will be handled by the TSA.

  6. Steve H says:

    @2 – These are supposed to be surprising.

  7. walruskkkch says:

    The latest surprise from HealthCare.Gov…

    if you like your undertaker, you can keep your undertaker.

  8. can of spam says:

    The site announced it’s engagement with Apple’s Siri.

  9. walruskkkch says:

    The latest surprise from HealthCare.Gov…

    the largest group opting out are the uninsured.

  10. can of spam says:

    Your aspirin ration has been increased to 200 mg from 250 mg.

  11. walruskkkch says:

    The latest surprise from HealthCare.Gov…

    body piercings and tattoos are now covered under the Bronze plan, to attract younger people to sign up.

  12. Steve H says:

    The Latest Surprise From HealthCare.Gov…

    … it was hijacked by a cat video site that made more sense.
    … the Spanglish was replaced by Obamish.
    … the girl on the home page is now a photoshop of Snowden in drag.
    … it takes thirty seconds longer for hackers to break in and steal your personal information this time.
    … it’s all cookie recipes (even Anonymiss can break into this site, fer cryin’ out loud!)

  13. walruskkkch says:

    The latest surprise from HealthCare.Gov…

    premiums will rise 400% instead of 600% providing you with a cost cutting of 200%!

  14. can of spam says:

    @5: and colonoscopies.

  15. walruskkkch says:

    The latest surprise from HealthCare.Gov…

    Death panels now choose death 37.8% more often!

  16. can of spam says:

    The subsidy calculator has been replaced buy a random number generator. No one noticed.

  17. can of spam says:

    The truth finally comes out that the site was designed by “Julia”.

  18. Bob B says:

    …is that it can tell you in 67 different languages to “be patient” and “try again later”…

  19. can of spam says:

    … is that the new metrics include anyone who even sees the address HealthCare.gov as “enrolled”. (Which means you all are now, suckers!)

  20. Oppo says:

    @13 & @16: All too realistic. Are you sure you don’t work for the gov’t? If not, don’t give ‘em ideas!

    … There was no such thing as a free launch.

    … The fine print. (Wait; sorry. Justice Roberts has deemed it to be “tax print.”)

  21. Oppo says:

    “Flatline of the Day” feature for conservative jokers.

  22. Writer says:

    …Due to a shortage of Physicians, Veterinarians have been drafted to keep costs down. Those with cold wet noses should report to their PCP immediately.

  23. Burt says:

    …since the Canadians have proven inept at website design, Sebelius has contracted with the Elbonians to correct all code.
    http://dilbert.com/2014-01-19/

  24. Anonymiss says:

    @12 Hee hee hee :) Cookies to Steve H!
    and @21 Cookies to Oppo.

    Thanks for making me smile, guys :)

  25. Anonymiss says:

    @17 Cookies to can of spam. Love that one too :)

  26. jw says:

    …its pretty much all gov, no healthcare.

  27. Tater Salad says:

    ….if you like your shaman you can keep your shaman.

    ….leeches for bloodletting in order to restore the humors of the body are now covered by Obamacare.

  28. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . is the appearance of the Spanish Inquisition if you enter the right combination of keystrokes.

  29. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . is that healthcare.gov is an anagram of the description “a hot, clever hag”, which, except for the hot part, describes a former Secretary of State.

  30. Joel says:

    A new home surgery kit,called SutureSelf.

    (Not mine – stolen from someone else because I thought it was funny.)

  31. walruskkkch says:

    The latest surprise from HealthCare.Gov…

    is that the HealthCare.gov domain name was actually purchased by Russian Gangsters. Who will probably give you a better deal than the US Government.

  32. walruskkkch says:

    @28 Well, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

  33. Oppo says:

    … is that the code it was written in is all onesies and Zeros.

    … is that the default settings are all “Bush.”

    … is that every time you log on you get wreck-rolled.

  34. Bob in Feenicks says:

    @28 & 32
    …is that it is one of its chief weapons, along with fear, ruthless inefficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the democratic party.

  35. jw says:

    @34

    “almost”?

  36. Bob B says:

    …is the inequality that is inherent in the system.

  37. Bob in Feenicks says:

    @ 35
    Yeah, that should have been “a completely fanatical devotion”

  38. Gumbeaux says:

    Anyone who signs up by this weekend gets a personalized State of the Union BS Bingo card for next Tuesday night. Bingo winners will receive a choice of either a Nigerian chain letter, or something of equal value out of Mooch’s garden.

  39. c64wood says:

    The latest surprise from HealthCare.Gov…

    I really can has cheezburger.

    Clicking enter FINALLY takes you to the next page

    Convicted child pornographers are exempt from signing up for Obamacare since they are not allowed to use a computer.

  40. RAML says:

    walruskkkch says:
    January 24th, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    The latest surprise from HealthCare.Gov…

    all your base belong us.

    “All Your Base Are Belong to Us”. Fixed it

  41. fangbeer says:

    If you like your tumor you can keep your tumor.

    Ohh, we thought you said, “Deaf panel.” Everyone on the death panel can hear quite well, thank you.

  42. currently says:

    Executive Order #222,333,025: HealthCare.Gov shall be renamed, lauded and proclaimed to be deemed HealthCare.Luv – please revise your website or face felony charges punishable by death.

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