*starts throwing up gang signs* I shouldn't have eaten so many gang signs
— sweaty five dollars (@iscoff) January 22, 2014
President Infanticide said abortion "allows women to fulfill their dreams". This is what pure evil looks like.
— Stevie J. West (@StevieJWest) January 22, 2014
Quentin Tarantino flew into a coke-fueled rage, scrapping his latest project after someone sent him a tweet saying, "Simpsons did it."
— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) January 22, 2014
It’s so sad when a prisoner escapes and everyone thinks about the danger to society and not the poor lonely room-mate he left behind.
— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) January 22, 2014
“@UberFacts: Blueberries can help improve your memory.” Unless you forget to buy them.
— Nathan Fillion (@NathanFillion) January 22, 2014
We couldn't have won without our coach, the Wicked Witch! *Scarecrow secretly winks at Tin Man, who quietly lifts water cooler behind her*
— patrick (@tastefactory) January 22, 2014