a popcorn is like a tiny litle firework u can eat :]
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) January 10, 2014
Hey, fat guy at CVS buying a giant heart-shaped box of Valentine's Day candy. You're not fooling us.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) January 10, 2014
Before we blame Chris Christie, remember Batman closed a bridge to stop fear toxins and Picard completely detached his bridge once
— Wonderella (@wonderella) January 10, 2014
You miss 100% of the explosions you don't walk away from slowly.
— MJ (@sucittaM) January 10, 2014
just wait until google buys one of those smart door lock companies and then you’ll have to watch an ad to get into your house
— dankey kang (@dcseifert) January 13, 2014
What a surprise, TIM Magazine's Person of the Year is, once again, Tim
— Tuff Ghost (@whitegirlfish) January 13, 2014
I'm so gay my Wikipedia page has a "Personal life" section
— sillytits (@vonoink) January 16, 2014
No one is both your best friend and your mortal enemy like the snooze button.
— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) January 16, 2014
TO DO LIST: 1. Make to-do list: ✓ 2. Check off first item: ✓ 3. Accomplish three things today: ✓
— Jon Henke (@JonHenke) January 16, 2014