Archive for February, 2014
Full disclosure: I never once got hired because of my degree. Just my (usually unrelated) work experience and my can-do attitude during the interview, so I may be biased (and perhaps a little bitter about my lost tuition money):
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In Pennsylvania, 4 illegal immigrants in custody at an ICE facility went on a hunger strike.
Relax, liberals, it’s just an “undocumented diet”.
God: I need an Ark built. *Jesus lowers sunglasses* Jesus: I Noah guy.
— Master Penguin (@transvagmesh) February 27, 2014
Damn girl are you a McGriddle because I can only have you if my wife won't find out
— Brian Essbe (@SortaBad) February 27, 2014
*slams fists on coffee table* WHAT WAS SCAR FROM LION KINGS NAME BEFORE HE GOT THE SCAR
— EJ Gomez (@EJGomez) February 27, 2014
Hey computers, I'm sending an email without a subject, not launching a nuclear warhead. No need for the, "ARE YOU SURE!?!"
— Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) February 27, 2014
If you watch Wall-E backwards its about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people.
— noog (@noog) February 27, 2014
A new poll shows that only 34% of Americans view Russia favorably.
The other 66% don’t view Russia unless someone else can point it out on a map for them.
So let’s work together to make government work better, instead of treating it like an enemy or purposely making it work worse.
BARACK OBAMA, remarks on the reopening of the government, Oct. 17, 2013
“Because we all know there IS nothing that works worse than a government that tries to work better.”
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Obama’s response to a Russian spy ship docking in Cuba…
Apparently, I have a girlie phone.
CNET reports that a recent study shows that women prefer iPhones, while men prefer Android phones.
That’s really not a surprise. Because studies have been showing that for a while, just nobody ever made a big deal about it. For example, Business Insider reported in 2010 that iPhone was the choice of women, while Android phones were the choice of men in a study by Nielsen.
There’s also a survey from 2011 that indicates women prefer iPhones, while men prefer Android.
So, this latest report shouldn’t surprise anyone. My phone is an iPhone, which makes it a girlie phone. And I’m okay with that.
You see, there’s nothing wrong with girlie things. No, I’m not trying to act like some metrosexual — which is, I think, someone who’s sexually attracted to the public transportation system. No, I’m simply okay with stuff being girlie.
Like Secret deodorant. I use Secret. Well, not all the time. But, if it’s on sale, yeah, I’ll pick it up. Started doing that in the Army. You see, on a field exercise, a lot of soldiers will forget stuff, or run out of stuff, and want to borrow yours. So, after my first field exercise, next time I went to the field, I took my wife’s Secret deodorant. They stopped asking to borrow it. And, Secret works. So, if that’s what’s on sale, I’m picking up some Powder Fresh Scent solid.
Or Lady Bic shavers. They used to come in pink. And, they used to be the only disposable razors that had that strip that made shaving more comfortable. When you’re in the field, and it’s cold and you’re standing next to a HMMWV looking into the mirror trying to get yesterday’s facial growth off, that little strip helps. Plus, others quit asking to borrow a razor blade from me, because mine were pink. The Lady Bic razors come in other colors now, but they still make some pretty pink ones.
So, no, I’m not afraid of using a girlie phone. My iPhone does just fine. And, if you have an Android phone, it probably works just fine for you, too. But, I like my iPhone, and my next phone will likely be another iPhone.
So what if it’s a girlie phone. Think about it, fellas. Don’t you like girlie things? Really, admit it. You like girlie things. Like girlie parts. You know, the parts the girls got that the guys don’t got. You like the girlie parts. And so do I.
And if that includes an iPhone, I’m okay with that. And, if it helps with getting access to other girlies things, I’m more than okay with it.
A lot of people are invested in showing freedom doesn’t work. Just wish there weren’t so many in the U.S. and they didn’t hold such power.
I’d be happy with more isolationist policies if it meant we could lose diplomacy and tell other countries exactly what we think of them.
I don’t think I could be president and shake hands with Chinese leaders when in a more just world they would be hanging from a tree.
Don’t even get me started on most “leaders” in the Middle East.
Remember when our enemies used to be Commies and Nazis and now it’s sugar and things maybe getting hotter? Country needs a reboot.
Global warming is raping people now? Holy crap.
Does that work as a rape defense? “It wasn’t my fault; it’s because it was 2 degrees hotter than average.”
Here’s the study about global warming and rape. It’s scientific, so only 98% chance it’s utter nonsense.
So are there like two types of atheists? One where it’s a philosophy and one where it’s a mental tic?
So are the Koch brothers a real thing or just the name the left has given the screeching demons inside their heads?
“We need Joe Scarborough in 2016!” -Joe Scarborough
How do Republicans plan to respond to Democrats running in 2014 on Obamacare and the economic success of six years of the Obama presidency?
The Oscars could get more viewership if they had categories like, “Best Performance by an Actor in a Movie People Actually Saw.”
A main problem of government is little to no punishment for failure. Why was no one executed for the $800 bil stimulus that did nothing?
“I am figuratively on fire today!” -Joe Biden after setting his hair plugs on fire with his Easy Bake Oven
Are people really going to argue that Hitler was for free markets? The guy wasn’t for free anything.
Yes, the left, the awful people of last century shared your desire to control through government. You have better intentions, I’m sure.
What are they going to argue next? Hitler tried to kill the Jews by giving them carry permits so they’d accidentally shoot each other?
Hitler was a big proponent of small government?
You can’t be for bigger government and against fascism. Government only gets bigger by controlling more of people’s lives.
This is obvious. It should not be arguable.
Other than the murdering, Frank Underwood seems pretty reasonable for a Democrat. Actually, even with the murdering.
Thought the Community episode last night was mediocre — but classic Community-level of mediocre, so still hilarious and awesome.
You never made a typo in a tweet? Hitler.
A new high-tech dog collar allows pet owners to monitor how much they sleep and how many calories they are burning.
And if it’s a flop, Michelle Obama will re-brand & sell them as “Let’s Move! Fitness Necklaces”.
The internet is oddly unhelpful in explaining how these things work. If anyone stumbles across the answer, drop it in the comments:
[Ghostcube] (Viewer #152,174)
A person in Oregon named Valeria Jones is suing catering company Bon Appétit Management for $518,682 because coworkers used female names in reference to Jones despite the fact that Jones had continually expressed the desire to be addressed only with gender-neutral pronouns.
So… any complaints over the paycheck being in dollars instead of being currency-neutral?
When it comes to cologne, your two main scent options are: "grandfather" and "date rapist".
— Mike Leffingwell (@mikeleffingwell) February 25, 2014
every time you adopt an orphan you significantly decrease their chance of becoming batman
— dan (@oxygenplug) February 25, 2014
is that a bitcoin in your pocket or are your arousal levels wildly fluctuating?
— rstevens 3.01 (@rstevens) February 26, 2014
I'm sorry son but your dog went to live on a farm. It's where all dead dogs go. It's a dead dog farm. It's really gross lol
— Jeffrey Hadz (@Hadzilla) February 26, 2014
I have a Homer Simpson potholder. It hasn't been funny for years. Either.
— Nap Enthusiast (@MetricButtload) February 27, 2014