In order to help offset the cost of Obamacare, President Obama has wielded his mighty pen and decreed an executive order to bring solvency to the program. The administration will raise sufficient funds through the sale of a commemorative President’s Day 2014 wall plaque designed by the President himself. This plaque, along with the soothing knowledge that your donation has helped offset unnecessary bureaucratic costs for this fiscal year, can be yours for the low, low price of $15,000. The Constitution prohibits the government from forcing you to buy the plaque, but if you chose not to partake in this generous offer, you will be fined $20,000 or 15% of your unadjusted gross income, whichever is greater.
The plaque contains quotations hand selected by President Obama himself, chosen because of the deep impact they and those who said them had upon him and his life. They have helped mold him into the President he is today.
These handsome, hand crafted, gold-inlaid President’s Day plaques, made from recycled materials using union labor and 100% carbon-free energy, cost more to make then we are charging for them, and they will only go up in value. It is a plaque that you will want to prominently display as a constant reminder to you and your family of the principles that make our current President so great. Here is a selection of the wisdom it contains.
- Do or do not. There is no try. – John the Beloved
- Say hello to my little friend. – Andre the Giant
- Personally, Veda’s convinced me that alligators have the right idea. They eat their young. – James Lee, the eco-terrorist
- Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the War Room! – Jimmy Carter
- Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. – Hannah Montana
- Son, you got a panty on your head. – Barack Obama, Sr.
- But I’m funny how? I mean, funny like I’m a clown? I amuse you? – Bozo the Clown
- Show me the money. – Tim Geithner
- Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you? – Mr. Robinson
- Take your stinkin’ paws off me, you damn dirty ape. – Jane Goodall
- Hitler was better-looking than Churchill, he was a better dresser than Churchill, he had more hair, he told funnier jokes, and he could dance the pants off of Churchill! – Franklin Delano Roosevelt
- No, I’m all man. I even fought in WWII. Of course, I was wearing women’s undergarments under my uniform. – John F. Kennedy, Jr.
- Excuse me while I whip this out. – Bill Clinton
- And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. – Warren Commission Report, question posed to Lee Harvey Oswald
- Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. – Teddy Kennedy
- Joey, do you like movies about gladiators? – Barney Frank
- Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government. – Thomas Jefferson
- May the Force be with you. – Joseph Stalin
- I’m the king of the world! – Barack Obama, Jr.
- To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women. – Ronald Reagan
Log on to healthcare.gov now and get your commemorative plaque before it’s too late. It’s the law. Navigators are standing by.
Legal Disclaimer: Because you are purchasing your plaque through healthcare.gov, you may need to purchase three or more before the system will successfully credit you for your purchase, your credit card may be charged multiple times for each purchase with no recourse to correct the error, and your personal information may be stolen by the ex-con who is working as your Navigator or by junior high school geeks who are trying their hand at hacking for the first time. Donors to Obama or the DNC as well as individuals associated with any liberal special interests groups are exempt from this special, limited offer.