Straight Line of the Day: How Was Mexico’s Most Wanted Drug Lord Captured?

Posted on February 26, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

How was Mexico’s most wanted drug lord captured?

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58 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: How Was Mexico’s Most Wanted Drug Lord Captured?”

  1. Steve H says:

    It was Bush’s fault! (No, wait…)

    He was offered a Presidential Cabinet position and was accidentally arrested walking into the job interview.

    They offered him free tickets to the Super Bowl.

  2. Steve H says:

    He put walnuts in cookies.

  3. walruskkkch says:

    How was Mexico’s most wanted drug lord captured?

    applied for college tuition assistance at the wrong University of California.

  4. walruskkkch says:

    How was Mexico’s most wanted drug lord captured?

    get out of jail free card expired.

  5. walruskkkch says:

    How was Mexico’s most wanted drug lord captured?

    Kismet.

  6. DamnCat says:

    One of his drug couriers ratted on him.

  7. walruskkkch says:

    How was Mexico’s most wanted drug lord captured?

    That last campaign check to the DNC bounced.

  8. Mike in OH says:

    The Federales just followed their noses!

  9. artvol11 says:

    He was captured? That’s just like, your opinion, man.

  10. walruskkkch says:

    How was Mexico’s most wanted drug lord captured?

    All the federales say
    They could have had him any day
    They only let him hang around
    Out of kindness I suppose

  11. Dohtimes says:

    Showed up in court to sue Eric Clapton over the royalties from Cocaine.

    Forgot that Canada still has a border.

    DEA backtracked the footprints in the spillage from Chicago to Mexico.

    Tried to sell pot in Colorado without adding tax.

    His pile of money became hazardous to NASA’s Muslim outreach.

  12. Tater Salad says:

    He insisted that the Taco Bell franchises through which he laundered his money offer Breakfast Tacos ahead of the official March 27 rollout. The number of Federales using the drive-throughs drew the attention of the DEA.

  13. Oppo says:

    By Obama, single-handedly, with one hand behind his back.

    The photos have been destroyed.

  14. Bob B says:

    A certain Time Lord got angry over the way this drug “lord” usurped his title…

  15. Anonymiss says:

    Hi guys! I’m sorta back. Nice to see you!

  16. Anonymiss says:

    @2 Glad they got him. That is just PURE EVIL.

  17. Oppo says:

    What difference, at this point, does it make?

    - Hillary Clinton

    (nope, she’s never going to live that down.)

  18. Oppo says:

    He would have gotten away if it weren’t for those Medellin kids.

  19. Oppo says:

    Hey, glad to see Anonymiss back!

  20. Oppo says:

    They traced him through his Facebook account, by saying hello to his leettle “friend” request.

  21. Oppo says:

    Turned in by his brother, the Fredo bandito.

  22. Greg says:

    Anonymiss captured him singlehandedly (thus explaining her recent absence…)

  23. Dohtimes says:

    He started requiring photo ID to make a purchase, angering Democrats.

    Got greedy when Holder began Fast and Furious sombrero running scheme.

    Much easier to get votes while in Chicago jail when he runs in next presidential election.

  24. Anonymiss says:

    @22 But it was supposed to be a SECRET mission.

    Shhhhhhh.

    As far as you guys know, I was at a “wedding”. Got it?

  25. Steve H says:

    @24 – Stranger things have happened at weddings…

    (welcome back)

    (this place could use a feminine touch)

    (and cookies)

  26. Anonymiss says:

    @25 Cookies to Steve H!!

    I missed you guys too. :)

  27. Oppo says:

    They don’t have dimes in Mexico, so someone must’ve dropped a chalupa.

  28. CLIFF says:

    By a spontaneous reaction to the movie Scarface subtitled in Spanish.

  29. Bob B says:

    It was a sordid tale involving weapons, expensive SUVs, the DEA and too much tequila…

  30. DrRiff says:

    They ran a phony Mexican hat dance contest and he showed up.

  31. c64wood says:

    How was Mexico’s most wanted drug lord captured?

    Sharks with frikken laser beams on their heads

    It involved a box, a string tied to a stick and a small piece of cheese

    He turned right at Albuquerque by mistake.

  32. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …since Holder is still AG, you can be certain it was unintentional.

    …he accidentally summoned the sheriff of Maricopa County when somebody offered him and his men free pastries and he exclaimed, “Our pie? Oh!”

  33. Jimmy says:

    Very slowly.

  34. blarg says:

    …like they get all the other Mexicans – with a box, one end balanced on a stick with a long string tied to it and welfare, food stamps, and free healthcare as bait.

  35. CrabbyOldBat says:

    It was the Spanish Inquisition. He wasn’t expecting it.

  36. Jimmy says:

    Mexican Jumping Beans.

  37. blarg says:

    …ACORN accidentally registered him as a Republican and every Federal agency in the U.S. immediately went after him…for no political reason whatsoever in the most transparent, equitable, and appropriate way possible and if you think otherwise you’re a racist.

  38. blarg says:

    …Obama decided to give him some payback for shorting him on his choom order.

  39. blarg says:

    …new Facebook app won’t let you PM without disclosing your GPS coordinates…and you know what happens when you’re 20 minutes late and don’t tell your girlfriend you’re running late…

  40. blarg says:

    …apparently the Mexican authorities accidentally bumped into him while collecting their bribe money from another cartel.

  41. blarg says:

    …one of his blog readers got fed up that he stopped judging the punchlines on his “punchline of the day” post and turned him in.

  42. walruskkkch says:

    How was Mexico’s most wanted drug lord captured?

    It’s a long story best suited for the deepest dark of the longest Winter’s night when strange dancing shadows of the dying fire light play tricks with a man’s eye and long draughts of Meade wend their sinews through the mind and all possibilities seem more probable than outlandish.

  43. Burt says:

    Lois Lerner and some low-level workers in Cincinnati

  44. Burt says:

    #18 for the win!

  45. Burt says:

    How was Mexico’s most wanted drug lord captured?

    BARACK OBAMA YAYS!!!

    If anyone actually thinks I am Janeane, I’ll shoot myself.

  46. Anonymiss says:

    @45 I don’t know, Burt, you sound an awful lot like her… :P

  47. Oppo says:

    @41 blarg: Pancholine of the Day?

  48. Dohtimes says:

    Judicious use of photoshop put him ahead of George Zimmerman on FBI’s ten whitest Hispanics list.

  49. Oppo says:

    Eventually, the Aztec bubble burst.

    Turned in by Acapulco Goldfinger.

    Caught in a Honey Baja trap.

    Because he’s a stupid Mexican.

  50. Oppo says:

    (* and will be released due to failure to read him his Carmen Miranda rights.)

  51. Oppo says:

    Indicted by a Rio Grande jury.

    OK, I think I’m done.

  52. walruskkkch says:

    Now that Anonymiss is back I’m looking forward to the gratuitous cookies.

  53. Jimmy says:

    Hey, Walrus! Don’t count your cookies before they’re baked!

  54. Writer says:

    … he went for Take-Out. “Yo quiero Taco Bell”.

  55. Bob B says:

    His bodyguards were distracted during the “Chicken Dance”, and that was all she wrote…

  56. @boston_bubba says:

    Sallie Mae found him when he was two days late on his student loan payment.

  57. Writer says:

    … they sprinkled salt on his tail.

  58. Karen says:

    … Queen to Rook 7, Warlord in check.

    … He checked into his hotel, but the floor was reeeeaaally sticky for some reason.

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