Straight Line of the Day: In Chicago, Thieves Stole 80 Tons of Salt. Why?

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In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?

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56 Comments

  1. In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?

    Because it’s Chicago and if it isn’t nailed down it’s fair game.

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  2. In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?

    Hoping to move up from Scum of, to Salt of the Earth.

    Heard it was useful in combating slugs.

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  3. In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?

    Took Rahm’s advice and didn’t let a good crisis go to waste.

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  4. In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?

    To save all those Chicogans from the possibility of future High Blood pressure problems.

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  5. I doubt they knew it was salt…. they just saw “white crystal stuff” and thought they’d hit the meth mother load.

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  6. For potatoes, of course! Be on the lookout for a new robbery of 100 tons of melted butter! (A Central New York reference)!

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  7. In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?

    To sell it back to the city.

    Because it lasts longer that 80 tons of milk

    Because salt is bad for you

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  8. In Chicago, thieves stole 80 tons of salt. Why?

    Nothing screams “street cred” in Chicago like have “Stealing salt” on your rap sheet. Dig?

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  9. Having lost international stature by losing their Olympic bid, these enterprising Chicagoans hope to get a place at the table when SALT talks are renewed again.

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  10. They hope to institute a “Mrs. Lot Pillars of Chicago Award” for those who exemplify the “Chicago Way”, and need the salt for creating the appropriate statuettes.

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  11. …because Michelle’s family was coming and the only way Klingons can stomach Earth food is with “tons of salt”.

    …Michelle said she needed it because the slug problem in her organic pesticide-free White House garden was getting REALLY out of hand.

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  12. …nearsighted alderman mistook Michelle Obama for a bird and wanted to catch her.

    …yearly capacity check of all 80 South Side bathtub breweries was nearing.

    …Rahm Emanuel’s upper lip sweating is down .003% due to .003% scandal reductions.

    …Obama needed his first batch of retroactive bad luck warding off salt yesterday if not sooner.

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  13. This person seems to think you can fit 1 ton of salt in a bathtub……so maybe they thought it was bath salt.

    She must have a much bigger bathtub than most people.

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  14. He was just a guy named Peter, home from the sea, climbing out of the cellar, trying to be a shaker, taking his licks, playing the flats, working with the grain…

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  15. Some people look at 80 tons of stolen salt and ask “Why?”…I dream of things that were never stolen and ask “Why not?”.

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