Straight Line of the Day: Scientists Have Discovered the Oldest Thing on Earth…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Scientists have discovered the oldest thing on Earth…

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  1. Honestly.

    “…the president made a crack about a five-hundred-year-old Inca mummy that had just been discovered at the summit of a Peruvian volcano. “You know, if I were a single man, I might just ask that mummy out,” Clinton said. “That’s a good-looking mummy.””


  2. Scientists have discovered the oldest thing on Earth…

    …but they are keeping it under wraps as it is cave drawings that depict the end of the world in 10 years due to the results of climate change.

    …and it still looks younger than Hillary

    …and it smells bad, really bad

    …Geddy Lee

    …Adam and Eve’s belly buttons


  3. …but assume that there were aboriginal zircon crystals there before that one arrived.

    …which was found at the site of an extinct Home Shopping Network.

    …but CrabbyOldBat can still claim honor of being older than dirt.

    …near the bones of the first redneck who was trying to make his first batch of crystal meth.

    …Obama voters demand their fair share of microns.



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