Straight Line of the Day: Scientists Have Discovered the Oldest Thing on Earth…

Posted on February 25, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Scientists have discovered the oldest thing on Earth…

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36 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Scientists Have Discovered the Oldest Thing on Earth…”

  1. can of spam says:

    … and she’s running for President in 2016.

  2. Steve H says:

    … Larry King
    … the Gabore sisters
    … the DMC Playbook (used by Eve in The Garden)
    … Joan Rivers’ face

  3. Steve H says:

    @1 – If we cut off her arm we could count the rings?

  4. can of spam says:

    … and it’s a record of the last time the GOP “leadership” displayed evidence of a spine.

  5. can of spam says:

    … and immediately posted photos of it to Instagram.

  6. walruskkkch says:

    Scientists have discovered the oldest thing on Earth…

    that this time round we’ll get Communism right.

  7. walruskkkch says:

    Scientists have discovered the oldest thing on Earth…

    Michigan’s Dingell, longest serving House member, will retire

    Read more here: http://www.mcclatchydc.com/2014/02/24/219170/michigans-dingell-longest-serving.html#storylink=cpy

  8. jw says:

    it’s nancy pelosi

  9. walruskkkch says:

    Scientists have discovered the oldest thing on Earth…

    Acorn immediately registered it to vote.

  10. CrabbyOldBat says:

    . . . and I really resent the loss of privacy.

  11. Jimmy says:

    …and from his grave, Ed McMahon asked, “How OLD is it?” And Johnny said, “It’s so OLD that Harry Reid claimed it as his birth stone.”

  12. jw says:

    @10 FTW :)

  13. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …it used to be the second oldest thing before Helen Thomas died.

  14. blarg says:

    …it’s an ever-growing list of unjudged punchlines from IMAO

  15. Eric Praline says:

    …and he only has 15 more payments before his student loans are paid off.

  16. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …it’s an uneaten store-bought cookie with walnuts.

  17. Jimmy says:

    @10: How OLD are you?

  18. Chip says:

    Scientists have discovered the oldest thing on Earth… it was at the bottom of the bowl of stale ribbon candy your grandma kept on the coffee table for company.

  19. GrandLarsenE says:

    Which begs the question,”Isn’t the earth the oldest thing on earth?”

  20. Bob B says:

    …it figures that nerds would take so long to discover prostitution.

  21. CCO says:

    @11 Jimmy–thunderous applause, like you had picked it up off Funk and Wagnell’s front porch.

  22. walruskkkch says:

    Scientists have discovered the oldest thing on Earth…

    Bill Clinton said “he’d hit it.”

  23. walruskkkch says:

    Honestly.

    “…the president made a crack about a five-hundred-year-old Inca mummy that had just been discovered at the summit of a Peruvian volcano. “You know, if I were a single man, I might just ask that mummy out,” Clinton said. “That’s a good-looking mummy.””

  24. nabqrules says:

    …and Nancy Pelosi is dismayed that she has moved to 2nd place.

  25. c64wood says:

    Scientists have discovered the oldest thing on Earth…

    …but they are keeping it under wraps as it is cave drawings that depict the end of the world in 10 years due to the results of climate change.

    …and it still looks younger than Hillary

    …and it smells bad, really bad

    …Geddy Lee

    …Adam and Eve’s belly buttons

  26. Dohtimes says:

    …but assume that there were aboriginal zircon crystals there before that one arrived.

    …which was found at the site of an extinct Home Shopping Network.

    …but CrabbyOldBat can still claim honor of being older than dirt.

    …near the bones of the first redneck who was trying to make his first batch of crystal meth.

    …Obama voters demand their fair share of microns.

  27. CrabbyOldBat says:

    @Jimmy 17: Let’s just say my ears are still ringing from the Big Bang. My daughter knows every “Yo mama so old” snap there is.

  28. DamnCat says:

    walruskkkch says:
    Scientists have discovered the oldest thing on Earth…

    Bill Clinton said “he’d hit it.”

    Actually, it hit him with an ashtray.

  29. CLIFF says:

    A space alien’s ABC gum.

  30. Jimmy says:

    @27: You might be part of the microwave background. Is your house cold, say, about 2.7°K?

  31. Writer says:

    … and Obama married it.

  32. Karen says:

    … And it’s a joke still in use at Comedy Central.

  33. Apostic says:

    …in a sandwich vending machine at an abandonded gas station in a ghost town in Oklahoma. (See also…)

  34. Harvey says:

    @33 – Bacon to you for referencing one of my favorite Futurama episodes

  35. FormerHostage says:

    …a book of failed Liberal ideas.

    …the Democrat playbook.

    …an original idea from a Liberal.

  36. FormerHostage says:

    …the original Yo Mama joke….
    “Yo mama’s so fat, when she sits around the cave, she sits around the cave.”

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