Straight Line of the Day: The Department of Justice Has New Guidelines for Investigating the Media. The Oddest One…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The Department of Justice has new guidelines for investigating the media. The oddest one…

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51 Comments

  1. The Department of Justice has new guidelines for investigating the media. The oddest one…

    Badges? We don’t need no stinkin’ badges!

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  2. The Department of Justice has new guidelines for investigating the media. The oddest one…

    Lap dogs are exempt…for now.

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  3. . . . makes reference to mammals which are members of the family Canidae

    . . . says to investigate fast and furiously

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  4. The Department of Justice has new guidelines for investigating the media. The oddest one…

    get out of an investigation free card for every Anonymiss cookie “donated”.

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  5. The Department of Justice has new guidelines for investigating the media. The oddest one…

    Violators with an “conservative” designation given priority over all others.

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  6. The Department of Justice has new guidelines for investigating the media. The oddest one…

    waterboarding now considered a legitimate interrogation tool.

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  7. …: agents must sign up on waiting lists to participate in surveillance of Fox News women reporters/anchors.

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  8. …now allows the “Sure is a nice place youse gots here. Be a shame if sumptin’ happened tooze it.” opening gambit.

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  9. The Department of Justice has new guidelines for investigating the media. The oddest one…

    All requests for interviews during investigations to be on “deep background” will be denied.

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  10. The department of justice will only investigate journalists that attempt to investigate. As long as a journalist refrains from asking questions, the journalist should have no fear of a DOJ investigation. You gotta problem with that?

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  11. … involves the five Dubyas taught in journalism school:

    “How is this Dubya’s fault?”

    {*repeat five times*}

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  12. The Department of Justice has new guidelines for investigating the media. The oddest one… involved everyone standing around in a circle and saying, in unison…

    Meka Leka Hi Meka Hiney Ho?
    Meka Leka Hi Meka Hiney Ho?
    Meka Leka Hi Meka Chany Ho?
    Meka Leka Hi Meka Chany Ho?
    Your wish is granted…
    Long live Jambi…

    And that is how the President has managed to be so invisible to the main stream media.

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  13. The Department of Justice has new guidelines for investigating the media. The oddest one…

    can only be considered odd when placed in comparison with normal guidelines, and when one does, in fact, make such a comparison, all oddness effectively disappears. Now move along citizen, nothing to see here.

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  14. The Department of Justice has new guidelines for investigating the media. The oddest one…

    all investigations must open with a tribute to ABBA.

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  15. The Department of Justice has new guidelines for investigating the media. The oddest one…

    …was written by the folks that brought you healthcare.gov

    …involves duct-tape, rubber gloves and lubricant

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  16. The Department of Justice has new guidelines for investigating the media. The oddest one…

    …requires all investigations to be approved by a impartial non-partisan triumvirate made up of representatives from CNN, MSNBC, and Al-Jazeera.

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  17. The Department of Justice has new guidelines for investigating the media. The oddest one…

    has the DOJ buying the first round of drinks every 3rd investigation.

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  18. …has the only limit placed on investigators; no pine tar above 18 inches on the investigatin’ bat.

    …suspects will be referred to as the Youdia.

    …separates the media into into three groups: Docile lap dogs, melanin deprived truth seekers and ?WTF?!!! (Alan Colmes).

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  19. …all investigators will be robots. DOJ was unable to find humans who would watch network TV at any price. (they called it a “glitch”–word of the year!)

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  20. @36: +1 for Dohtimes. I gotta get me an investigatin’ bat.

    They’s a lot o’ things need investigatin’.

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  21. … you’ll be booted off the investigation if you can’t master the Dr. Evil maniacal laugh and pinky finger to cheek maneuver.

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  22. …suggests it is easier to insert the rectal probe while the reporter is bowing towards Obama.

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  23. The Department of Justice Has New Guidelines for Investigating the Media. The Oddest One…
    is to put the highest priority on investigating occurrences of witty banter devolving into witless blather, which is every time.

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  24. …transfers duty of poking the still writhing body of Helen Thomas with a stick every two minutes to the lowest level DoJ employees, writers for The Daily Show.

    …declares that when NBC is involved, Justice in allowed to squint, wink or look the other way.

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