Straight Line of the Day: The IRS Will Be Giving Its Employees Bonuses to Boost Morale. Other Morale-Boosters…

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The IRS will be giving its employees bonuses to boost morale. Other morale-boosters…

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41 Comments

  1. …involve re-instating the old Roman system for tax collection: set an amount each agent must give to the government, and allow each agent carte blanche to wring from the populace as much as they could…

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  2. The IRS will be giving its employees bonuses to boost morale. Other morale-boosters…

    the bonuses will be tax exempt.

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  3. The IRS will be giving its employees bonuses to boost morale. Other morale-boosters…

    Every agent will be allowed to publicly bullwhip a conservative.

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  4. The IRS will be giving its employees bonuses to boost morale. Other morale-boosters…

    free hookers and blow.

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  5. …getting paid to produce more cheap Star Trek parody videos.

    (also @3…you need to add “as long as they only vote Democrat” )

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  6. 1460 days of paid vacation for members of congress.
    Complementary Blindfolds, Earmuffs and Ball gags for supreme court justices.
    Obamaphones for the NSA
    Bullet proof vests for ambassadors.
    Replacement marbles for the VP

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  7. The IRS will be giving its employees bonuses to boost morale. Other morale-boosters…

    … include permission to say you worked for Hooters on your resume, instead of the IRS.

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  8. The IRS will be giving its employees bonuses to boost morale. Other morale-boosters…

    everyone gets their own lunch time show featuring Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

    all oral reports come with back-up singers.

    22 beats 21 in all US casinos.

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  9. The IRS will be giving its employees bonuses to boost morale. Other morale-boosters…

    every Friday is “Feminist Accounting” day, male numbers don’t count.

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  10. …a nifty new ad campaign featuring the new slogan – “We’re the president’s men, and we’re here to help…ourselves”.

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  11. …resumption of the Daily Two Minute Laugh At Al Sharpton’s Last Return.

    …lowering level of incompetence that is rewarded with promotion so the slackers don’t get all of the primo jobs.

    …Pentagrams are now tax deductible for federal workers, brimstone fumes will cause building evacuations January through April.

    …IRS employees will give 50% less money to politicians to boost bonuses for IRS employees.

    …arrival and quitting time clock punching replaced by puppy punching.

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  12. … “It’s Not Only Legal, It’s Extra-Legal!” T-shirts.

    … a toy 501(c)3PO droid to play with.

    … a Mohammad Atta-boy, for destroying the American way of life.

    … space in the government bunker when Obama’s “MyRAN” policy fails.

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  13. …a free puppy! To fill the gaping hole in their lives once filled with friends and family before they went to work for the IRS.

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  14. The IRS will be giving its employees bonuses to boost morale. Other morale-boosters…
    ..the most productive agents in the Cincinnati office will receive new IDs and addresses.

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  15. … “All your base salaries are belong to us!” coffee mugs.

    … “We Will Capwne You” mousepads.

    … “We’re Number Onesie!” onesies.

    … “110% Tax Bracket” dreamcatchers.

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  16. The IRS will be giving its employees bonuses to boost morale. Other morale-boosters…

    A key-chain with the company logo.

    Free trips to exotic lands with taxpayer funded credit cards.

    Income Equality regardless of the Effort Inequality

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  17. … Bindles and cardboard signs, so that they can pretend to be hobos at the next family reunion and their family will stop being ashamed of where they work.

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  18. The IRS Will Be Giving Its Employees Bonuses to Boost Morale. Other Morale-Boosters…
    The beatings will continue until morale improves!
    I can dream, can’t I?

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