Straight Line of the Day: The US Is Developing the World’s Most Powerful Laser. It Will Be Used…

Posted on February 7, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The US is developing the world’s most powerful laser. It will be used…

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58 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: The US Is Developing the World’s Most Powerful Laser. It Will Be Used…”

  1. walruskkkch says:

    The US is developing the world’s most powerful laser. It will be used…

    to eliminate all walnuts for cookies.

  2. walruskkkch says:

    The US is developing the world’s most powerful laser. It will be used…

    with much regret, remorse and hand-wringing.

  3. Bob B says:

    …to remove all traces of Bengazi from the nation’s consciousness.

  4. Bob B says:

    …to destroy all evil carbon-producing power plants around the globe, until it unexpectedly runs out of power…

  5. walruskkkch says:

    The US is developing the world’s most powerful laser. It will be used…

    to prevent hanging chads.

    for Porn.

    for cool outer space shoot outs with invading mutant aliens from Alpha Centauri.

  6. Alex says:

    …to perform reverse-LASIK on the eyes of the nation’s “journalists,” so that they see Obama surrounded by a halo 100% of the time (instead of the current 95%).

  7. walruskkkch says:

    The US is developing the world’s most powerful laser. It will be used…

    mostly by the Chinese and Russians to great affect.

  8. Mrs. C says:

    To target those who have not yet signed up for Obamacare.

    Instead of guns . . . as a ‘green’ alternative.

    . . . Who knows, we have to fund the laser before we know what it will do.

  9. walruskkkch says:

    The US is developing the world’s most powerful laser. It will be used…

    only after the Pentagon asks, “Mother Nanny-state, May I?”

  10. silaS marreD says:

    The obvious answer is:

    …by Obama to focus on jobs (again).

  11. can of spam says:

    … by being strapping onto the heads of frickin’ sharks.

  12. can of spam says:

    … to cook an entire houseful of popcorn.

  13. can of spam says:

    … to drive cats NUTS.

  14. CCO says:

    Does #12 count as an obscure reference of just a cool reference?

  15. chip says:

    The US Is Developing the World’s Most Powerful Laser. It Will Be Used… on next week’s episode of Mythbusters to see if it really is possible to cook an entire house full of popcorn.

    (thank you for the memory jog Can of Spam. That was, in its own way, a really good movie)

  16. CCO says:

    …in a vain attempt to destroy Wormwood.

  17. Fred Key says:

    …to carve the President’s face on the moon.

  18. can of spam says:

    @14: Obscure. 80’s movie.

  19. Bob B says:

    @18 – but it shows real genius…

  20. blarg says:

    …for “Muslim outreach”…under a better President.

  21. Oppo says:

    @11: or to vaporize any air quotes in its vicinity.

  22. blarg says:

    …as a paperweight since it requires about 100000x more power than we currently have.

  23. blarg says:

    …for something Communisty I’m sure.

  24. Oppo says:

    …to distract attention from the world’s most powerful loser, which the U.S. has also developed.

  25. Oppo says:

    … in all NASA office parties from now on, to the accompaniment of the sound effect “Pew! Pew! Pew!”

  26. blarg says:

    …to extort more grant money.

  27. blarg says:

    …vaporize politicians that say “let me be clear”.

  28. Oppo says:

    … by the Obama administration to challenge our enemies to a game of laser tag, while they instead choose to play AK-47 tag.

  29. CLIFF says:

    …to slice in half Chinas only aircraft carrier…Bwahahahahaha!

  30. Oppo says:

    … to bore pinhole-sized openings in Muslim terrorists, to the accompaniment of the quip, “See ya laser, Allah-gazer!”

  31. blarg says:

    …to open a portal to the 8th Dimension. (now THAT’S an obscure 80’s movie reference!)

    …at the Pink Floyd reunion concert.

  32. Oppo says:

    … to nip any resurgent German militarism in the bud, through laser Herr removal.

  33. blarg says:

    …for Nancy Pelosi’s Laser Skin resurfacing

    …For Robin Williams’ hair removal treatments.

  34. Jack says:

    The US is developing the world’s most powerful laser. It will be used … to light up Obama’s blunts. We’re talking like the optimum of Choom Gang absorption here, like maybe even total, baby! The only down side is that the Surgeon General has determined that smoking your own lips can be hazardous to your health.

  35. GrandLarsenE says:

    …to operate on the world’s most powerful hemorrhoid.

  36. CCO says:

    @31 How can any Jeff Goldblum movie be obscure? He’s famous.

  37. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …as the main weapon on Obama’s space station -The Debt Star.

  38. Dohtimes says:

    …to reestablish Mans dominion over clamshell packaged consumer goods.

    …by the Secret Service to protect The Worlds Most Powerful Loser.

    …to eliminate height inequality.

    …sporadically, after the carpenters and painters are finished, and after the carpenters and painters are finished and so on.

  39. walruskkkch says:

    @31 Just watched it before the Super Bowl. The half time show should have been those hard rockin’ scientists, The Hong Kong Cavaliers.

  40. walruskkkch says:

    The US Is Developing the World’s Most Powerful Laser. It Will Be Used…

    to blow you head clean off, so you have to ask yourself. “Do I feel lucky”? Well do ya? Punk!

  41. FormerHostage says:

    …while shouting “pew, pew, pew” as you shoot it.

  42. Oppo says:

    …. as a backdrop to Obama’s fateful “My lase” speech to the nation.

  43. FormerHostage says:

    @39 “It’s DE – BOO – TAY!”

  44. Oppo says:

    … as a battering ram (or doorstop) by the Smartest Administration Ever ™.

    … to prove global warming exists, one square inch at a time.

  45. Oppo says:

    … as a battering ram (or doorstop) by the Smartest Administration Ever ™.

    … to prove global warming exists, one square inch at a time.

  46. c64wood says:

    The US is developing the world’s most powerful laser. It will be used…

    …to warm up NASA’s coldest place in the universe.

    …to make holes in donuts

    …to poke holes in the atmosphere to let out some CO2. (Libs sure hate plants and trees)

    …as a portal to bring Howard the Duck to Earth

  47. Oppo says:

    .. to instantly duplicate posts!

  48. walruskkkch says:

    @43

    Where are we going?

    PLANET 10!

    When are we going?

    REAL SOON!

  49. walruskkkch says:

    The US is developing the world’s most powerful laser. It will be used…

    to easily kill you or go fishing.

  50. CCO says:

    …to solve the age old question: Which is better, railguns or lasers?

  51. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . to sear memories into what passes for John Kerry’s brain

  52. Burt says:

    …to finally eliminate that glitch known as James Bond.

  53. Karen says:

    … to play with the world’s largest cat.

  54. Bad Science says:

    The US is developing the world’s most powerful laser. It will be used…
    With appreciation to replies 13 and 53,
    To torment cats…

  55. Bad Science says:

    ON MARS!!!!!
    (D’oh, stupid capslock and tab keys being so close together.)

  56. Writer says:

    For punching holes for the “eyes” of needles.

  57. frogmouth says:

    As a sex toy for Mini-Me.

  58. slapout says:

    To cause global warming so we can get money to fight global warming.

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