Sheila Crabtree is no longer. But she is Sexy.
According to the Columbus Dispatch — from that fake Columbus in Ohio, not the real Columbus in Georgia — Sheila Crabtree hated her name — the “Sheila” part, not the “Crabtree” part — so she had it changed. And, her new first name is “Sexy,” after a judge in Licking County, Ohio granted her request.
Why “Sexy?” Well, she explained:
“I wear Victoria’s Secret clothes all the time,” said Crabtree, who doesn’t want you to know how old she is. “I was like, ‘Shoot, I’ll just go for Sexy.’”
So, having the name “Sexy” makes her sexy? Sad news for you ma’am. If you weren’t sexy before, you won’t be sexy afterwards, no matter what your driver’s license says.
I’m worried, though, that others may follow her lead, and change their name to something they desperately want to be, but aren’t. For instance, I fully expect Barack Obama to change his name to Really Smart Guy. Because if anything says the opposite of really smart, it’s Barack.
Maybe MSNBC will change its name to TheNetworkEveryoneWatches.
Or the Winter Olympics to ThingsThatAreActuallyInterestingToWatch.
Or the 12-member Big Ten Conference to WeReallyDoKnowHowToCount Conference.
Or the 10-member Big Twelve Conference to the WeWillHaveTwelveMembersAgainOneDayMaybe Conference.
Apple could change its name to WeAreNotJustForDouchebags.
Microsoft could become BlueScreenOfDeathNeverHeardOfIt.
I wonder where else this trend might lead.