Winter Olympics Primer: Curling

Posted on February 12, 2014 9:00 am

Curling is a popular sport that nobody understands. What I mean is nobody understands why it is popular. Perhaps we can Help! Here’s your Guide to Curling.

Play begins when the team’s Mad Scientist — don’t let these technical terms confuse you, just follow along — hands the next player (called the “Lead Guitarist”) the Fiendish Thingy.

The Lead Guitarist takes the Fiendish Thingy and runs forward…

… then slides it down the ice toward the other players.

The goal is to knock over the player with the French-looking shirt (called the “Drummer”).

If the Lead Guitarist fails to knock over the Drummer, he and another player (called the “Lead Singer”) tackle the Drummer…

… dragging him across a red line to where another player (called the “Bass Player”) is positioned.

The Fiendish Thingy then blows up…

… at which time the team locates the White Cliffs of Dover. First one there wins.

Now, you’ll be able to enjoy Curling with a firm knowledge of the rules. I’m glad we could Help!

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17 Responses to “Winter Olympics Primer: Curling”

  1. walruskkkch says:

    A very under-rated movie.

  2. Harvey says:

    @1 – Can a fella get a reference link on that under-rated movie?

  3. DamnCat says:

    It all makes sense now.

  4. Oppo says:

    Fun Trivia:

    I remember reading John (or George)’s recollection of the filming of that scene.

    The scene called for them to run away from the bomb, but it didn’t say where they should stop running. They kept going and going. They crested a hill and just kept running until they were secluded enough to light up a joint and get high(er).

  5. Basil says:


    Here’s the 21st century link:!/id657312570

    Here’s the 20th century link:

  6. Oppo says:

    … and, if it was a Curling primer, was the burning fuse redundant?

  7. Harvey says:

    @5 – I don’t want to buy the thing, so I’ll settle for the 19th century link:

  8. Iowa Jim says:

    The best thing you’ve posted here yet, Basil!! Well done!

  9. Clay Aiken says:

    “The best thing you’ve posted here yet”

    Oooh, I don’t know about that. The bit about that cutie football team guy was kinda nifty.

    Though you could’ve posted a few piccies of the guy looking all muscley and covered in coconut oil. Just saying.

  10. Bill Wyman says:

    Only those guys could parlay their fame into four spots on the British Olympic Team. I blame Princess Margaret. The woman had a thing for Glenlivet and Ringo. Probably shrieked in the Queen’s ear nonstop until she relented. It got them their MBEs. The yelling from Margaret, plus the band sold more records than Her Majesty that year. Eric Burdon was going to try out for the Pentathalon. Only thing was he couldn’t ski. He could shoot empty bottles of Watney’s off of the heads of the statuary surrounding his swimming pool though. He beat John Entwistle who was a crack shot with a flintlock. Jimi tied him, but he had that Yank army background as a paratrooper.

  11. Mike in OH says:

    Love it, Basil! Help! is the movie that was my discovery of the Beatles, at age 11, in 1979. Went through my own personal Beatlemania and believe me, it was not easy being a Beatles fan in Jr. High–funny how all those kids who thought I was a weirdo back then now act as if being a Beatles fan were the most natural thing in the world (which it is, of course). Thank heaven for Cleveland’s Channel 8 and the 4 o’clock movie they played every weekday, back in the day.

  12. Geoff Whisler says:

    Can you explain Cricket now too?

  13. Jimmy says:

    Yeah, and Lacrosse

  14. Charon says:

    There’s just no going wrong with this film.

  15. Ogrrre says:

    When can we see the explanation of Cricket? I’m not sure, but I believe the rules explained in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy are for a more robust game than is played in Britain and parts of the former British Empire.

  16. IMAO » Blog Archive » Winter Olympics Primer: Bobsleigh links:

    […] there’s more than Curling going on. There’s also skiing. Not water skiing, but skiing on snow. And there’s a lot […]

  17. Winter Olympics Primer: Bobsleigh | Basil's Blog links:

    […] there’s more than Curling going on. There’s also skiing. Not water skiing, but skiing on snow. And there’s a lot […]

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