9/11 was an outside job, but only because it was contracted out. Bush hired Al-Qaeda to be more cost effective. He was a good President.
— America (@doctorveritas) February 11, 2014
To understand the latest rewrites, think of ObamaCare as a giraffe, and Obama as a Danish zookeeper.
— John Hayward (@Doc_0) February 11, 2014
Obama: "There's no country where we have a no-spy agreement." The United States doesn't even have a no-spy agreement with the United States.
— CC:Indecision (@indecision) February 11, 2014
Whenever a magician says, "A good magician never reveals his secret!", put a hand on his shoulder and whisper, "Is it loneliness?"
— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) February 11, 2014
Whenever I'm upset that I don't have a girlfriend I just remember the many other more glaring setbacks in my life.
— Tyler Schmall (@tylerschmall) February 11, 2014
I'll accept Count Chocula & Frankenberry, but Human Centipuffs is going too far.
— Michael Kupperman (@MKupperman) February 12, 2014