In the Mail

So I got this book in the mail How to Fight Presidents: Defending Yourself Against the Badasses Who Ran This Country. Basically, it’s presidential trivia delivered in the format of tips on how to battle each president — knowing their strengths and weaknesses — with chapters like “Ulysses S. Grant Is the Drunken, Angry John McClane of Presidents” and “Ronald Reagan Is Like a John Wayne and Wolverine Hybrid.” It’s by one of the writers from, and if you’re used to the articles there, they tend to be entertaining and informative — and you feel less sleazy for reading one than you would for Buzzfeed article.

Reagan is the last president covered in the book, and I notice it skips over Jimmy Carter. I guess since a rabbit once brought him down, there isn’t really much to explain on how to fight him.

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  1. You wouldn’t want to fight Teddy Roosevelt. He knew judo, kendo, how to box, and shoot anything from a derringer to an elephant gun.

    With Kennedy, you’d just have to ask him to pick up that penny on the ground and his back would go out.

    Fighting Bill Clinton is easy, just say “hey, Bill, check out the tatas on that one”, and when he turned his head you just rack him in the crotch.

    Taking on Obama might be kinda tough because he could send his wife out to fight and he’s inside, popping his head up to peer out over the bottom ledge of the window to watch while sipping from his juicebox.


  2. Re: Carter — I’ve heard the author discuss the book; he felt the need to limit the covered subjects to the deceased, as he apparently already had a previous run-in with the Secret Service over an article he once wrote.

    And by most scientific measures, Jimmy Carter is apparently still alive.



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