So when do I teach my kids about strangers and land sharks?
The only reason I’m humble is that I’m so awesome that it takes way too long to explain exactly how great I am.
One of these days I’ll make it to CPAC. Don’t bother going until then.
I am told the trailer for the new Transformers movie is worth watching. I am incredulous.
In the War on Women I’ve been accused of sleeping with the enemy.
I thought we ended the War on Women with the Great Sammich Compromise of ’83?
If you bump into the president and say, “Pardon me.” and he nods, are you now pardoned for all your crimes?
I understand why people find Stephen Colbert funny, but I’ve always found him insufferable myself.
I hope no one finds out I made Bitcoin.
To Whom It May Concern: Those strong feelings you have aren’t actually outrage; it’s partisanship.