Did Koch brothers cause Obamacare to be a an epic failure, or is that just because the Dems are useless screwups who shouldn’t have power?
Amazon got me. I would pay $20 more a year from Prime service.
Just realized that Keanu Reeves first name is “Keanu.” What kind of name is that? Na’vi?
“And it’s through their manipulation that–”
“Senator Reid, you’re not wearing pants.”
*looks down, then shakes fist in air
Have people in failing inner cities thought of voting for Democrats?
The Pew Research Center isn’t working on the development of laser guns?
100 years from now when people read that 90+% of blacks voted for the election/reelection of Obama, who will that reflect poorly on?
I forget — has it been proven Harry Reid is a pedophile or does he just really really look like one?
Considering how many thousands of planes are in the air every day, airlines lose track of relatively few.
We should change the national slogan to “You don’t have a right to other people’s money.” and put that on the dollar bill.
Democrats could ride this Darrell Issa thing all the way to victory in November.
“Republicans are nutbag, racist extremists! Let’s make the government they’re often in charge of more powerful!” -the left
Lot of wasted energy getting people to hate some politicians and like others when it would be more efficient to convince people to hate them all.
Grover Cleveland was a black belt in kung fu. #TweetAnUberFact
According to the Bible, Noah invented the headbutt and used it to keep the animals in line. #TweetAnUberFact
Snakes move using magnets. #TweetAnUberFact
A grizzly bear is incapable of getting out of a full nelson. #TweetAnUberFact
Indians only used every part of the buffalo if you count “grossing out girls” as a use. #TweetAnUberFact
The chihuahua is more closely related to lizards than to other dogs. #TweetAnUberFact
Canned food was invented 20yrs before the can opener; everyone complained about the jerk sealing food in impenetrable cans. #TweetAnUberFact
Scientists voted to make Pluto no longer a planet when it tried to challenge them on global warming. #TweetAnUberFact
Though most people think Obama was born in Kenya, he was in fact from his mother’s womb untimely ripped. #TweetAnUberFact
Jimmy Carter once had to lock himself in a room and call 911 when attacked by a 20 pound cat. #TweetAnUberFact
Though fiction has portrayed them as mortal enemies, in real life ninjas and pirates teamed up to fight vikings. #TweetAnUberFact
It’s very inaccurate to fire two handguns at the same time unless diving through the air. #TweetAnUberFact
Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. #TweetAnUberFact
Scientist have in fact determined that Frank J. Fleming is the sexiest man alive. Especially lady scientists. #TweetAnUberFact
Pirates did not say “Arr!” In fact, the letter ‘r’ was not invented until after the end of the Golden Age of Piracy. #TweetAnUberFact
Russia was never Communist; that was simply a vicious rumor started against them by Senator Jenny McCarthy, #TweetAnUberFact
The peanut is not a true nut. In fact, nothing is a true nut. ‘Nut’ is simply an ideal some foods strive for. #TweetAnUberFact
Before George W. Bush, the last U.S. president to actively try to take over the world was James K. Polk. #TweetAnUberFact
The dean’s rap at the beginning of last night’s Community was one of the funniest things ever.