Straight Line of the Day: Joe Biden Went to Poland to “Reassure” Our Allies by…

Posted on March 20, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

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56 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Joe Biden Went to Poland to “Reassure” Our Allies by…”

  1. Steve H says:

    … indicating that Barack Obama is in good health.

  2. Fred Key says:

    …joining them in their Cinco de Mayo celebrations.

  3. Bob B says:

    …by smearing his face with polish and singing “Swanee”

  4. Frank J. says:

    …making sure that when important things are going on, he’s far away in Poland.

  5. Dodsfall says:

    ..telling them to get a shotgun. Get a shotgun.

  6. Bob B says:

    …advocating the redrawing of NATO lines to pre-1936 boundaries.

  7. DamnCat says:

    …demonstrating his vast knowledge of Polack jokes.

  8. can of spam says:

    … warming up the room with a series of “Pollack” jokes.

  9. can of spam says:

    @7: Payback for the eco-a-thon thread!

  10. can of spam says:

    … wait… we actually have allies anymore?

  11. can of spam says:

    @2: Are you sure you don’t mean “Cinco de Quatro”?

  12. Samuel L. Jackson says:

    …joining them in their Cinco de Quattro celebrations.

    There! You ignorant Honkeys! I fixed it!

    Don’t you Ofays know that Biden celebrates the Day of The Five Volkswagens?

  13. can of spam says:

    … trying to sign them up for Obamacare.

  14. Samuel L. Jackson says:

    warming up the room with a series of “Pollack” jokes.

    Kevin Pollack?

  15. can of spam says:

    … distributing a stack of free Polish-Russian/Russian-Polish dictionaries.

  16. can of spam says:

    @14: Speling is not my strong soot.

  17. can of spam says:

    @16: That was supposed to be more mangled, but NOW auto-correct actually kicks in.

  18. can of spam says:

    … telling them the US has struck a deal to have the French provide the bulk of any military assistance. (Supplemented by the Italians.)

  19. Clay Aiken says:

    I swear, if Biden strats doing Gay Russian jokes I’m gonna make such a stink!

  20. can of spam says:

    … promising them they they will not have to worry about dealing with the rise of a neo_Marxist empire any longer, because the US is pulling out.

  21. Gumbeaux says:

    … waving a white flag and eating cheese.
    … hiring Jimmy Carter’s Polish interpreter.
    … promising that John Kerry will never visit.
    … letting them know that Michelle Obama is growing Polish sausage in her garden.

  22. Samuel L. Jackson says:

    Ain’t no kinda Brothas up in Russia, so Biden can’t crack on black Russians for damsure!

  23. Janeane Garofalo says:

    VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN WILL AS ONLY A MAN OF HIS VAST EXPERIENCE CAN ASSURE OUR POLISH ALLIES THAT PRESIDENT OBAMA (YAYS!!!!!) STANDS BY THEIR SIDE!!!!THUS ASSURING THE POLISH PEOPLE THAT THEY HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT IN THE CRIMEYA!!

  24. Bob B says:

    …offering to carry the tray at any upcoming “Beer Summits”.

  25. Oppo says:

    … singing “Springtime for Putin,” and reminding them that winter is still far off.

  26. walruskkkch says:

    Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    saying America has always stood by the Po’ and if their “land” be threatened, by gum, America will stand by them again! And standing by is what Obama does best!

    promising to cave quickly to Putin’s demands so it wouldn’t “hurt” as much.

    suggesting they install some speed bumps to slow down the Russian tanks.

    promising them all free abortions after they sought asylum in the US.

    foaming at the mouth and falling over backwards.

    promising them they were as important to Obama as any, ANY US ambassador was.

    telling them that once Putin got his Obamacare waiver all would be well.

    reminding them of the mighty ocean which separated them from Russia.

  27. walruskkkch says:

    Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    reminding them that Putin will be too busy gobbling up Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania to get to them before Jan. 20, 2017.

  28. walruskkkch says:

    Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    reminding them they had no better friend than the USA and President Obama, just ask the Israelis.

  29. walruskkkch says:

    Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    reminding them that there was abso-frickin-lutely no historic precedent of them every invading Poland or harming the Polish people.

  30. walruskkkch says:

    Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    telling them “Ol” Sheriff Joe had their six.

  31. Oppo says:

    … telling them he was proud to have fought for their independence at the Yalta Conference.

  32. Oppo says:

    … telling them he will personally deliver the shark to NATO.

  33. walruskkkch says:

    Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    ending up in Portland by mistake. All though, truth be told, the Portlandians were rather friendly if a bit confused.

  34. walruskkkch says:

    Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    reassuring them that Putin had no further territorial ambitions outside the Sudenetland.

  35. can of spam says:

    @31: Ouch! Nice one!

  36. Oppo says:

    … warning them that Russia’s “gonna put y’all in chains!” like the GOP. It killed on the campaign trail.

  37. Oppo says:

    …telling them that Obama instructed him to make sure they were “rassured.”

  38. Oppo says:

    … adding “ski” to the end of every second word, as Michelle and the kids do to the end of every second week.

  39. Bob B says:

    …asserting that under the Obama Doctrine “the price of freedom would necessarily skyrocket.”

  40. Oppo says:

    … standing at the Russo-Polish border and saying “Mr. Putin, tear down this wall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    … accidentallly referring to himself as a jelly donut — in English.

  41. Tater Salad says:

    ….stating how “articulate, bright, and clean” he thought the Polish people seemed.

    …saying how Obama was committed to keeping the intercontinental railroad open between Kiev and New York.

    …saying how Obama was brushing up on his Austrian before coming to Warsaw.

  42. Oppo says:

    … flexing the U.S.’s diplomatic muzzles.

  43. c64wood says:

    Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    …telling everyone that Barraco Barner wants to give them free healthcare

    …saying, “I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.”

    …confirming that he personally knew Tevye and Golde

    …offering them our launch codes

  44. jw says:

    telling them how lucky they are that obama reneged on the missile batteries that bush promised. now russia feels safe and warm and won’t need to take Poland

  45. Tater Salad says:

    …advising them that if the Russians break into your house to just go out on the porch and fire a shotgun into the air.

    …telling them that any land that has its own national jokes and sausages is good enough to be a pal of Uncle Sam.

  46. Dohtimes says:

    …asking to visit the birthplace of Trixxxie, Heather and Jade, the famous Pole dancers he sees all the time at Spanky’s Roadhouse in Bethesda.

    …proposing a trade deal to buy all their chain saws.

    …slipping into the habitual white Democrat faux “black” accent and saying he too was born in a po’ land.

    …swearing to God he didn’t mean to wear his pants on his head.

    …promising them since only half of them were doomed to die on Putin’s orders, the US would provide 20 million Berlitz Russian language courses next month.

  47. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …promising Poland the US will send a battalion of septic tanks for support.

    …measuring the windows for a new set of iron curtains.

  48. c64wood says:

    having Bruce Springsteen come out and sing Born In The USA

  49. Bob in Feenicks says:

    #40:

    … accidentallly referring to himself as a jelly donut — in English.

    I can totally see Biden saying, “Ich bin ein paczki

  50. walruskkkch says:

    Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    first being able to actually “Find” Poland all by his lonesome and while there visiting the local African-Polish communities to demonstrate the administration’s solidarity with them.

  51. Writer says:

    … because he was told by Obama to “get lost”.

  52. Conservatarian says:

    …doing arithmetic on an HP calculator.

  53. Oppo says:

    … telling them not to listen to the Chechen Littles: All is well.

  54. Tater Salad says:

    …complimenting the Poles, saying that they kept their ghetto in Warsaw much cleaner than the ones in the US, but where were all the Negroes?

  55. killer rabbit says:

    impersonating Fredo from the Godfather…….

  56. Burt says:

    @26 Walrus…Your suggestion of installing speed bumps made me flash on the Hungarian Revolution of 1956. The towns people of Budapest discovered that putting brown stoneware dinner plates upside down in the streets would stop the Soviet tank because the tank crews believed them to be land mines. Once stopped, the tanks could be rushed by foot-soldiers.

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