Straight Line of the Day: Joe Biden Went to Poland to “Reassure” Our Allies by…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

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  1. …joining them in their Cinco de Quattro celebrations.

    There! You ignorant Honkeys! I fixed it!

    Don’t you Ofays know that Biden celebrates the Day of The Five Volkswagens?

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  2. … telling them the US has struck a deal to have the French provide the bulk of any military assistance. (Supplemented by the Italians.)

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  3. … promising them they they will not have to worry about dealing with the rise of a neo_Marxist empire any longer, because the US is pulling out.

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  4. … waving a white flag and eating cheese.
    … hiring Jimmy Carter’s Polish interpreter.
    … promising that John Kerry will never visit.
    … letting them know that Michelle Obama is growing Polish sausage in her garden.

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  5. Ain’t no kinda Brothas up in Russia, so Biden can’t crack on black Russians for damsure!

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  6. VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN WILL AS ONLY A MAN OF HIS VAST EXPERIENCE CAN ASSURE OUR POLISH ALLIES THAT PRESIDENT OBAMA (YAYS!!!!!) STANDS BY THEIR SIDE!!!!THUS ASSURING THE POLISH PEOPLE THAT THEY HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT IN THE CRIMEYA!!

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  7. Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    saying America has always stood by the Po’ and if their “land” be threatened, by gum, America will stand by them again! And standing by is what Obama does best!

    promising to cave quickly to Putin’s demands so it wouldn’t “hurt” as much.

    suggesting they install some speed bumps to slow down the Russian tanks.

    promising them all free abortions after they sought asylum in the US.

    foaming at the mouth and falling over backwards.

    promising them they were as important to Obama as any, ANY US ambassador was.

    telling them that once Putin got his Obamacare waiver all would be well.

    reminding them of the mighty ocean which separated them from Russia.

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  8. Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    reminding them that Putin will be too busy gobbling up Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania to get to them before Jan. 20, 2017.

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  9. Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    reminding them they had no better friend than the USA and President Obama, just ask the Israelis.

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  10. Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    reminding them that there was abso-frickin-lutely no historic precedent of them every invading Poland or harming the Polish people.

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  11. Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    telling them “Ol” Sheriff Joe had their six.

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  12. Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    ending up in Portland by mistake. All though, truth be told, the Portlandians were rather friendly if a bit confused.

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  13. Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    reassuring them that Putin had no further territorial ambitions outside the Sudenetland.

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  14. … warning them that Russia’s “gonna put y’all in chains!” like the GOP. It killed on the campaign trail.

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  15. … adding “ski” to the end of every second word, as Michelle and the kids do to the end of every second week.

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  16. …asserting that under the Obama Doctrine “the price of freedom would necessarily skyrocket.”

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  17. … standing at the Russo-Polish border and saying “Mr. Putin, tear down this wall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    … accidentallly referring to himself as a jelly donut — in English.

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  18. ….stating how “articulate, bright, and clean” he thought the Polish people seemed.

    …saying how Obama was committed to keeping the intercontinental railroad open between Kiev and New York.

    …saying how Obama was brushing up on his Austrian before coming to Warsaw.

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  19. Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    …telling everyone that Barraco Barner wants to give them free healthcare

    …saying, “I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.”

    …confirming that he personally knew Tevye and Golde

    …offering them our launch codes

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  20. telling them how lucky they are that obama reneged on the missile batteries that bush promised. now russia feels safe and warm and won’t need to take Poland

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  21. …advising them that if the Russians break into your house to just go out on the porch and fire a shotgun into the air.

    …telling them that any land that has its own national jokes and sausages is good enough to be a pal of Uncle Sam.

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  22. …asking to visit the birthplace of Trixxxie, Heather and Jade, the famous Pole dancers he sees all the time at Spanky’s Roadhouse in Bethesda.

    …proposing a trade deal to buy all their chain saws.

    …slipping into the habitual white Democrat faux “black” accent and saying he too was born in a po’ land.

    …swearing to God he didn’t mean to wear his pants on his head.

    …promising them since only half of them were doomed to die on Putin’s orders, the US would provide 20 million Berlitz Russian language courses next month.

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  23. …promising Poland the US will send a battalion of septic tanks for support.

    …measuring the windows for a new set of iron curtains.

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  24. #40:

    … accidentallly referring to himself as a jelly donut — in English.

    I can totally see Biden saying, “Ich bin ein paczki

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  25. Joe Biden went to Poland to “reassure” our allies by…

    first being able to actually “Find” Poland all by his lonesome and while there visiting the local African-Polish communities to demonstrate the administration’s solidarity with them.

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  26. …complimenting the Poles, saying that they kept their ghetto in Warsaw much cleaner than the ones in the US, but where were all the Negroes?

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  27. @26 Walrus…Your suggestion of installing speed bumps made me flash on the Hungarian Revolution of 1956. The towns people of Budapest discovered that putting brown stoneware dinner plates upside down in the streets would stop the Soviet tank because the tank crews believed them to be land mines. Once stopped, the tanks could be rushed by foot-soldiers.

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