Straight Line of the Day: New York’s Mayor De Blasio Is Pushing the NYPD to Be More Polite. Other NYPD “Improvements”…

Posted on March 4, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

New York’s Mayor de Blasio is pushing the NYPD to be more polite. Other NYPD “improvements”…

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37 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: New York’s Mayor De Blasio Is Pushing the NYPD to Be More Polite. Other NYPD “Improvements”…”

  1. FormerHostage says:

    Officers must say “Excuse me” before opening fire on unarmed suspects.

  2. can of spam says:

    … include requiring officers to still leave a tip for hookers they get freebies from.

  3. can of spam says:

    Officers must extend their pinkie finger when eating a donut.

  4. Tater Salad says:

    …having that “other” St. Patrick’s Day parade for all the anti-Christian, non-Irish folks in NYC.

    I know I’ve got to get my mind right and accept that nothing says “begorrah” like a drag queen in a burka.

  5. can of spam says:

    Officers must at least offer to pay for dinner before performing strip searches.

  6. artvol11 says:

    …to “spread the wealth” officers must now stop and frisk 2 white ppl for every minority they do it to

  7. Bob B says:

    …muggers will be encouraged to leave their victims with $20 for cab fare to the nearest ER.

  8. nabqrules says:

    …silhouette targets with bystanders in the background.

  9. AT says:

    …pushing the NYPD off the top of the Chrysler building.

  10. Jimmy says:

    …wearing little pink “Do Ask, Do Tell” pins.

  11. Oppo says:

    @10 +1

  12. walruskkkch says:

    New York’s Mayor de Blasio is pushing the NYPD to be more polite. Other NYPD “improvements”…

    to selectively enforce existing laws on private income redistribution by the minority community.

  13. Bob B says:

    …will encourage officers to say “please” and thank you” as they confiscate your weapons at gunpoint…

  14. FormerHostage says:

    Hookers, pushers and muggers are now considered unlicensed independent contractors.

  15. FormerHostage says:

    Pine scented air fresheners in patrol cars to mask the miasma of urine and vomit.

  16. Jimmy says:

    @14: And they must buy health insurance through NYC!

  17. Oppo says:

    William clubs.

    Patrick wagons.

    Higher caliber of drop pistols.

    S.W.A.K. teams.

    Arrests now based on a grey pouponderance of evidence.

    Free additional degree with every third degree.

  18. Anonymiss says:

    Hahaha there are some good responses here.

    If I get a chance, I’ll judge this one :)

  19. Dohtimes says:

    …30 day wait for taking broom or mop handles out of closets.

    …new mission is to protect and suave.

    …now only unbiased outsiders will be used to judge whether or not that’s gonna leave a mark before delivering next kick.

    …must now say pretty please before removing drugs or weapons from evidence locker.

  20. HokieGomer says:

    …mandatory hand warming prior to random stop-and-frisk.

    …low carb selection on jailhouse menu.

    …low/no lead bullets.

  21. HokieGomer says:

    …all phone books will be secured with a maximum of 3 feet of cord, limiting the maximum impact force when swung at a suspect.

    Said phone books will also be pre-tabbed with the Lawyer, Emergency Medical Services and Bail Bonds sections.

  22. Oppo says:

    @19: ” new mission is to protect and suave” — does that fall under the “Rico” statute?

    K-9 units replaced with playful feline units.

    Now mandatory to call out number of shots fired so unlucky punks have same chance as lucky punks.

  23. Oppo says:

    Extra Special Victims Units.

  24. Oppo says:

    Long perp walks by moonlight.

  25. Jimmy says:


    …a tolerance policy for unlicensed lemonade stands as long as they display a big “D” in a circle and hand out free condoms.

    …allowing day-old bagels to be labeled as “fresh” (although most New Yorkers are against this) unless they are clearly Republican bagels, in which case, THROW THEM OUT! There’s no room in New York for Republican bagels!!!11100!!911!

  26. Oppo says:

    … for cybercrimes, a zero and one tolerance policy.

  27. Jimmy says:

    …and which policy will be decided in an upcoming political binary.

  28. Oppo says:

    @25: Jimmy, your bagel law sounds like a schmeer campaign.

  29. blarg says:

    …mandatory judging of punchline if punchlines were solicited.

  30. Jimmy says:

    @28: Yeah, they’re getting creamed (cheese) and the Democrats have it Lox’d up.

  31. c64wood says:

    New York’s Mayor de Blasio is pushing the NYPD to be more polite. Other NYPD “improvements”…

    …escorting the UN to the next boat out of town


    …I tell you what they should do, they should combine the two jobs, make it one job, ‘cop\garbage man’. I always see cops walking around with nothing to do. Grab a broom! Start sweeping. You sweep sweep sweep… catch a criminal, get right back to sweeping. (hat-tip Seinfeld)

    …Pink service revolvers

  32. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …the police must now replace their New York accents for Old York accents, because everything sounds nicer with a British accent.

  33. Dohtimes says:

    …new blue-dot robot makes sure your police beating video will not reveal your identity on YouTube.

    …cans of mace switched for cans of WD/40.

    …it’s now legal to spit out your teeth on the sidewalk.

    …assaulting a police officer charge waiver reduced to watching 1/2 episode of Cop Rock.

    …benefit of the doubt for whites no longer automatic if the minority has ATM card.

  34. Writer says:

    … new Drop-Off rules. Police can now drop off criminals in the East River with two concrete blocks if the next station is too far.

  35. Oppo says:

    Bad Lieutenant now doing Bad Desk Job.

  36. FormerHostage says:

    …bringing back “Cop Rock”

  37. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “New York’s Mayor de Blasio is pushing the NYPD to be more polite. Other NYPD “improvemen…” […]

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