Straight Line of the Day: President Obama Has a New Plan to Deal With Russia…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

President Obama has a new plan to deal with Russia…

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57 Comments

  1. President Obama has a new plan to deal with Russia…

    blame Bush.

    play a different golf course.

    declare it a phony crisis created by racist Conservatives because he’s black.

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  2. President Obama has a new plan to deal with Russia…

    offer them some sweet, sweet Green subsidies.

    he’ll plead the Fifth.

    he’ll announce even further down-sizing of the armed forces.

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  3. President Obama has a new plan to deal with Russia…

    a last ditch plan to get Anonymiss bake a whole lotta cookies.

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  4. President Obama has a new plan to deal with Russia…

    he calls it “Plan 9” from outer space.

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  5. …the Russians just have to log on to the new Obamapolicy website, register all their pertinent information, choose the preferred options, and wait for confirmation through the mainstream media.

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  6. President Obama has a new plan to deal with Russia…

    …He’ll demonstrate “more flexibility” that he promised to Medvedev before the 2012 election by actually putting his foot in his mouth.

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  7. President Obama has a new plan to deal with Russia…

    it’s shovel ready and environmentally friendly.

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  8. …he’s going to go on Jimmy Fallon and make jokes about Republicans.

    …two words: Free Condoms!

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  9. PRESIDENT OBAMA(YAYS!!!!) HAS THE BEST PLAN FOR DEALING WITH RUSSIA ITS CALLED NOT ACTING LIKE A MACHO KNUCKLEDRAGGER WARMONGER LIKE BUSHITLER OR RAYGUN AND ALWAYS LOOKING TO BUILD BRIDGES TO PEACE INSTEAD OF SENDING PEOPLE OFF TO WAR TO BE KILLED OR HURT BY STUPID UNNECESSARY VIOLENT ACTS!!!!!AND WHY THE HELL WOULD PRESIDENT OBAMA(MORE YAYS!!!!!) WANT TO USE A JANE FONDA MOVIE FROM THE 60S AGAINST THE RUSSIANS???BARBAROSA???MEMO TO DUMB WINGNUTS THE MOVIE WAS CALLED BARBARELLA!!!!DUHHHHH!!!!USE WIKIPEDIA YOU STOOPIDS!!!!

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  10. President Obama has a new plan to deal with Russia. I don’t know what it is, but what ever it is…it won’t work.

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  11. President Obama has a new plan to deal with Russia. He’s going to send Janeane Garofalo to Russia to talk Putin to death…it just might work.

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  12. @16 Grasshopper, when you learn more of history than is taught by your socialists schools we will revisit Barbarosa and the analogy that was alluded to.

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  13. President Obama has a new plan to deal with Russia because the stern talking-to and threats of shunning haven’t worked. He’ll be sending them straight to time out later this afternoon.

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  14. President Obama has a new plan to deal with Russia…

    Wait, “new plan” infers that he had a plan to begin with.
    Yeah, no he didn’t.

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  15. @16
    Which one of you goobers is doing this parody?
    It’s funny but it still scares me because there are libtards that actually think this!

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  16. …whatever it is it will begin with a bow and an apology.

    …offer Putin some Crimea with his coffee

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  17. President Obama has a new plan to deal with Russia…

    stepped up scrutiny of Tea Party and similar organization’s tax returns.

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  18. President Obama has a new plan to deal with Russia… and it can wait until after the next round of golf.

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  19. President Obama has a new plan to deal with Russia… and that is to declare Biden the winner because Putin didn’t wait for the Simon Says….

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  20. Yo Hostage! How do you know that isn’t Janeane, huh? That reads like what that mouthy little white woman would say. Ran into her at some H-Wood afterparty, and the beyotch was all up on my jock about some cause or other that guilty Honkeys like to whine about and the beyotch was all yelling in my face and all I could think was, damn, she ain’t brushed her teeth in like a week! I mean, what, she’s never heard of an Altoid or is there some march against mouthwash that she just came from? Point being that that funky breathed skank was noisy like that. All yelling about important social causes and crap.

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  21. @34 Too dang m*****f*****g funny!

    It can’t be her because it’s missing certain libtard talking points that they spew Tourette like whenever they ‘discuss’ issues with conservatives. That, and the spelling is mostly correct.

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  22. Russia does not exist…{fingers firmly planted inthe ears} na nana nanana – I can’t hear you

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  23. … tell Putin that he’s on the wrong side of history, if history means the Russian/Ukraine border.

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  24. @39
    …Putin is on the wrong side of his (Obama’s) story that the International Community (TM) is beyond such barbaric acts…..

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  25. … and like “Hope,” “Change,” “Yes We Can!” and “Forward,” it’s got a great title, with details to be worked out later.
    Ready?
    OK, here it is: “Crimea and Punishment.”
    OK, he’ll be on Martha’s Vineyard if you need anything else.

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  26. …call Sarah Palin up and remind her to keep her curtains closed.

    …challenge Putin to a game of you didn’t make it so you can’t take it basketball, hoping he won’t burst into flame at the thought of it.

    …the usual song and dance number, Putin on the Ritz but ends with yelling “CRACKER”.

    …flaunts his Nobel Prize in one hand, rings a bell with the other while our media reports that indeed, he bad, he bad.

    …a well financed research program to determine when the next Olympics will be held.

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  27. … start looking around for another country’s intelligence community:

    U.S. Spies Said No Invasion—Putin Disagreed
    The Daily Beast | Friday, February 28, 2014 | Eli Lake

    A day after U.S. intelligence said there would be no Russian invasion of Ukraine, Putin’s troops started coming over the border. On Thursday night, the best assessment from the U.S. intelligence community—and for that matter most experts observing events in Ukraine—was that Vladimir Putin’s military would not invade Ukraine. Less than 24 hours later, however, . . . it’s not quite the picture U.S. analysts were painting just a day before.

    ….

    White House Admits They Can’t Find Yanukovych, Not Ready to Stop Calling Him President
    Bridget Johnson / pjmedia.com / February 24, 2014

    White House press secretary Jay Carney told reporters today that the U.S. government still doesn’t know where deposed Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych is.

    National Security Advisor Susan Rice admitted the same thing on Meet the Press on Sunday.
    This apparent lack of intelligence comes days after President Obama protested that the crisis in Kiev wasn’t “some Cold War chessboard in which we’re in competition with Russia.”

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  28. …executive order to release 50% of the United State’s testosterone reserve, pray that Fred Thompson doesn’t play hardball.

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  29. …accused Putin of holding our astronauts hostage on the space station…we have no way to get them back without Russia’s help.

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  30. … which he’ll accidentally expose in a cable interview, because nobody expects the C-SPANish Inquisition.

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  31. Roses are red,
    violets are blue,
    President Obama will outsource joy to China,
    before realizing there’s nothing else sanctions can do!

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  32. @51: Yes, but in any case, I’m with FormerHostage (see @24). Whoever Janeane is, she’s/he’s a real IMAO “goober.”

    Will the real goober, Janeane Garofalo, please stand up?! Wait… lemme think about this some more…

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  33. Maybe “Goober” is like some kind of super IMAO Ronin of the past who never became one of Harvey’s modern “Moon Nukers.”

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  34. outline Russia with watered down red ink with lines in strange places and when asked why, answers only that he has just about run out of his allotment of red ink.

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  35. 0bama is sending back the busts of Lenin and Stalin from his own collection. That’ll show ’em.

    We’re boycotting the Sochi Olympics!

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  36. … He is going to play golf! That may not sound like it will help, but name one way it could hurt!

    … Hide under some coats and pray that everything works out.

    .. Misquote something Sarah Palin says and hope the media is so busy with that, that they don’t ask him what his plan is.

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