Straight Line of the Day: President Obama Ruled Out Military Action Against Russia. Also Ruled Out…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

President Obama ruled out military action against Russia. Also ruled out…

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34 Comments

  1. President Obama ruled out military action against Russia. Also ruled out…

    anything that might conceivably reverse the current situation.

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  2. President Obama ruled out military action against Russia. Also ruled out…

    pointing our fingers at Russia since they might be construed as guns.

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  3. President Obama ruled out military action against Russia. Also ruled out…

    stern glances and furrowed brows.

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  4. Also ruled out…

    …wide-ruled paper.

    …rulers with centimeter marx.

    …Robert’s Rules of Order.

    …getting any work done today.

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  5. …3 AM phone calls (they interfere with Obama’s rest) and 3 PM phone calls (they interrupt his golf game).

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  6. . . . balancing the budget

    . . . judging people not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character

    . . . protecting the staff in our embassies and consulates

    . . . telling the truth, ever, about anything

    . . . having anybody on the staff capable of doing anything even as difficult as putting gasoline into a car’s tank

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  7. anything involving dead white guys. such as:

    “…we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor”

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  8. President Obama ruled out military action against Russia. Also ruled out…being clear in any speeches.

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  9. President Obama ruled out military action against Russia. Also ruled out…

    …a reduction in spending.

    …allowing people to live their lives in peace.

    …decency

    …NOT having dog for dinner

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  10. … any reference to the Obama / Putin standoff as “B.J. and the Bear.” No disrspect to that TV show will be allowed.

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  11. …letting Rocky and Bullwinkle anywhere near Boris or Natasha.

    …any action or words strong enough to be seen as a sign of weakness.

    …most sounds not described as mewling, preferably pathetic mewling.

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  12. President Obama ruled out military action against Russia. Also ruled out…

    painting a fake tunnel on the wall of a mountain and having Putin run into it.

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  13. President Obama ruled out military action against Russia. Also ruled out…

    Sending in the A-Team.

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  14. WHAT PRESIDENT OBAMA(YAYS!!!) HAS RULED OUT ANY STOOOOOOOPID MACHO THREATS AND POSTURING OR DOING ANYTHING ELSE THAT WOULD MAKE YOU MINDLESS WARMONGERING GOOFUSES HAPPY!!!PRESIDENT OBAMA(INFINITE YAYS!!!)WILL OUT THINK HIS OPPONENTS(2012 WINGNUT LOOSERS!!!)!!!!!PRESIDENT OBAMA(YAYS!!!!!) WILL WIN THIS CONFLICT JUST LIKE HE WON AGAINST BIN LADEN!!DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!

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  15. President Obama ruled out military action against Russia. Also ruled out…

    Col. Mustard in the Library with a candlestick.

    (I’ll be curious as to how the left is going to define “winning”.)

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  16. …keeping too close a watch on your pic-a-nic basket.

    …removing Moochelles shirtless Putin screen-saver pic.

    …ever treating the Russian military as harshly and demeaning as he does our own.

    …putting his skirt on one leg at a time.

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  17. ….comparing his mustache to Mooochelle’s

    ….testing his IQ against Barney Frank’s on Jeopardy

    ….explaining how his spending on million day vacations helps income inequality

    ….explaining why no one ever saw him at Columbia.

    ….revealing his secret recipe for grilled dog

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