Straight Line of the Day: Scientists Have Decided to Destroy Space Junk With a Giant Laser. Rejected Plans…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Scientists have decided to destroy space junk with a giant laser. Rejected plans…

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  1. Rejected Plans…

    … destroying Tea Partiers with a giant laser (“it seemed like a good idea at the time”)

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  2. …pass a bill declaring everyone has a right to free space junk. There’ll be a shortage in no time.

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  3. …included extending Obama’s chief foreign policy practice beyond the atmosphere…DRONES IN SPACE!

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  4. …involved issuing a strongly-worded communique to the space junk, imploring it to “not hit our stuff or fall on our heads”, and warning that any noncompliance would be met with an even stronger-worded statement of condemnation and ambiguous threats of further action.

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  5. a slingshot and a bag of pebbles

    Gunpowder, guillotine, dynamite with a laser beam.
    Guaranteed to blow your mind. Anytime

    Mr. Bojangles

    Obama and the choom gang. They’ll get high enough to reach up and pull them down

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  6. (rejected plans) …
    included a promising venture by one Harry Broderick of the Jettison Scrap & salvage Co. But sadly Andy Griffith was unavailable for the mission:

    Salvage-1

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  7. …were awarded billion dollar contracts just in case. ‘Cause you know, it’s just tax money.

    …included running PSA’s of C3PO turning to the camera with a tear in its eye.

    …included registering space junk as Democrat voters.

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  8. …involved demanding that that it be called “undocumented satellites” and giving them space-amnesty.

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  9. …Lorena Bobbitt, space junk removal.

    …A NASectomy.

    …Wait for The Big One, let his son sell it.

    …Let the Democrats hear that Big Junk is making profits from it.

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  10. …NASA outreach, stick a Star of David on each and send some Muslims on a one way trip.

    …draw the U.S. border on the other side of Uranus, declare the junk to be made in Mexico.

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  11. … triangular spaceships with rudimentary controls (rotate, thrust,and fire cannons only). Three of them, but only one deployed at a time, though more might be added to the fleet depending on the level of success of the first three.

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  12. … telling Putin that the space junk contain oil and natural gas and hoping he’ll try to annex them.

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  13. Declaring that the space junk has some relation to Obama’s past. Oh, it’ll disappear. And the press won’t even be that curious how.

    Have the space junk piss off Hillary.

    Have they considered a space trunk?

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  14. … Was a laser that tricked space cats into batting the garbage away.

    … It may be junk, but slap a $1 price sticker on it, and you could still sell it at any flea market.

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