Straight Line of the Day: The Secret Service Is Buying a New Limo for Obama. Its Most Notable Feature…

Posted on March 13, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

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77 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: The Secret Service Is Buying a New Limo for Obama. Its Most Notable Feature…”

  1. AT says:

    … it gets a lot of rspect.

  2. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    ejection seat.

  3. AT says:

    … a TV that gets MSNBC on a 3-day delay.

  4. AT says:

    … the company building it didn’t build it.

  5. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    5 laws ignore per mile.

    a booster seat for Joe Biden.

    it runs on bullsh*t.

  6. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    made in China.

  7. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    it’s tricked out to bow to foreign leaders.

  8. can of spam says:

    … grow lights for the President’s choom stash.

  9. can of spam says:

    … rose-tinted windows.

  10. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    Already decorated with HRC initials.

  11. can of spam says:

    … it converts into a golf cart.

  12. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    rich Corinthian leather.

  13. can of spam says:

    … backseat carpeting doubles as prayer rug.

  14. can of spam says:

    … it is fueled from the flames coming from the Constitution.

  15. can of spam says:

    it’s license plate reads: NCMNEQLT

  16. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    it goes from 0-60 in 30 minutes, Union mandated break included.

    built in snow plow for all that “Climate Change”.

    designed to run on a pure ethanol subsidy.

  17. can of spam says:

    … in a “green” move, is not powered by fuel at all, but is hitched up to random taxpayers press-ganged into service.

  18. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    has a permanent “Baby on Board” sticker in the window.

  19. can of spam says:

    … is that it’s black. (For the race-obsessed folks at TNR)

  20. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    the “Moon” roof isn’t quite what you think it is.

  21. can of spam says:

    … has a bumper sticker that reads: “My other car is also paid for entirely by the taxpayers”

  22. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    slightly higher clearance to make it easier to throw people under it.

  23. can of spam says:

    … is that it’s the prototype vehicle enrolled in “ObamaCarCare”. Another new limo is already on order to replace this one due to its inevitable failure.

  24. can of spam says:

    @22: Nice one.

  25. can of spam says:

    … it only makes left turns.

  26. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    an engine so completely complicated and counterproductive no one knows how to run it.

  27. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    it is powered totally by hamsters in hamster wheels… except the PETA people won’t let them use hamsters.

  28. can of spam says:

    … is that due to its extended height (see @22), it comes complete with John Boehner to serve as a step stool for Obama to enter and exit the vehicle.

  29. can of spam says:

    … no idea. It was sent by Pelosi, so we’re going to have to drive it to find out what’s in it.

  30. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    it’s slightly larger than what can fit on the normal support plane for Presidential travel so they will have to now build an entirely new support plane to,err… support it.

  31. Burt says:

    …quality of accessories depends on the repeal of the 22nd amendment.

  32. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    the wheels are square and oblong to show “diversity” and acceptance of “differently shaped” wheels.

  33. Burt says:

    …no driver needed. (we can’t trust the ‘knuckleheads’ to control it)

  34. can of spam says:

    … is that it has a license plate for each of the 57 states, plus DC.

  35. Bob B says:

    …is it’s total lack of modesty.

  36. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    it looks like a 70’s pimpmobile.

    http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4135/4925855537_3bd6022a6d_z.jpg

  37. Bob B says:

    …the interior is decorated with two ferns.

  38. can of spam says:

    … it won the Nobel Peace Prize for doing nothing, too.

  39. can of spam says:

    … more junk in its trunk that Michelle has.

  40. can of spam says:

    … voice control. It’s a bit glitchy, though… whenever Obama shouts “Forward!” it just starts performing a death spiral instead.

  41. Steve H says:

    … extra headroom so Obama’s will fit in without a shoehorn.

    … a dog minibar.

    … a tag that says “Hyundai-1″

  42. frogmouth says:

    It’s an import.

  43. walruskkkch says:

    The Secret Service is buying a new limo for Obama. Its most notable feature…

    gold inlay on the trunk reading. “YGDFT!YLTATSOTE”

  44. Terribletroy says:

    They changed its name from “The Beast” to “the Rainbow Unicorn.”

  45. FormerHostage says:

    ….is that you can cram even more clowns into it than the previous mode.

  46. FormerHostage says:

    …is the white chauffeur.

  47. FormerHostage says:

    …is that Morgan Freeman is the driver.

  48. Burt says:

    …No conversion needed. It can run directly on the tears of orphans.

  49. FormerHostage says:

    …a DVD player to keep Joey amused during those long trips.

  50. SkyWatch says:

    They added a speaker system so Obummer can sit behind the wheel and make “Vroom, Vroom” noices and think he is driving.

  51. FormerHostage says:

    …was that they got if for a low, LOW, LOW PRICE! HOW?!?!?! BECAUSE THEIR VOTER BASE IS CRAAAAAZY!!!!!11!

  52. FormerHostage says:

    …is the big basket in front for Michelle to put the groceries while Barry pretends he’s driving down the aisles.

  53. FormerHostage says:

    …is the flux capacitor.

  54. Steve H says:

    @49 – Loaded up with gladiator movies, no doubt.

  55. FormerHostage says:

    …is that it was a bargain they picked it up at the Mount Prospect city police auction.

  56. FormerHostage says:

    @54 SpongeBob

  57. Burt says:

    …the new improved ignition switch. (the Beast was recalled)

  58. James says:

    Ejector seat that can literally throw people under the bus.

  59. James says:

    . . . and an automated cookie dispenser (just in case Anonymiss drops by)

  60. Dohtimes says:

    …it’s the retro Republican model, the next prez will ride in a 1973 Ford Pinto convertible.

    …Barack Obama Senior’s advice, “Fear the bucket, fear the bucket” taken into account, this model has bench seats in front.

    …custom acoustics lets him listen to Putin’s orders and echo them to his comrades in the MSM before he ebonicallizes them for voters.

    …gyroscopic seats allow Obama to always be looking down his nose at everyone.

    …hasn’t been driven since 2000, David Carradine will wash AND wax it for free.

  61. Writer says:

    … a White Flag so he is ready for any international actions.

  62. archangel says:

    …is zach galifianakis behind the wheel.

  63. No One Of Consequence says:

    … properly inflated tires

  64. Fangbeer says:

    It comes with its own ditch to drive into

  65. can of spam says:

    @45: It only needs room for Biden; that’s enough clown for anybody.

  66. Oppo says:

    … is the four horsemen under the hood.

    … its that i’s actually known as the Mark II of The Beast.

    … is one that he really likes:
    that it came with a pink slip. (plus proof of ownership.)
    the sound of those “I” beams. And the universal joints.
    the fact that he can tell it’s presidential, because it says “PRNDL” right on the steering column.
    the four on the floor. (just like Sandra Fluke.)

  67. blarg says:

    …it won Motor Trend’s “Car of the Year” before it rolled off the assembly line.

  68. Dohtimes says:

    …it comes with a conversion kit, drawbacks being the gas tank has a pump handle instead of a spout hole, the transgendered transmission makes it nigh impossible to shift gears and Obama is probably the only one who prefers riding in an car sidesaddle.

    …legal in NYC, the bulletproof glass only holds 16 ounces.

  69. Writer says:

    … a new radio with AM/FM/NSA so he can listen in on the public’s phone calls and Sex Lines without paying.

  70. Janeane Garofalo says:

    YOU STOOPID HATEMONGERING RACIST RESCUMLICAN RAPETARDS THE MOST NOTABLE FEATURE OF PRESIDENT OBAMAS(ENDLESS YAYS) LIMO IS THAT IS CAN KEEP ALL THE BONEHEADED MINDLESS WINGNUT LOOSERS AWAY!!!!!!PRESIDENT OBAMA (INFINITE YAYS) NEEDS TO BE PROTECTED FROM ALL THE NUTJOBS ON THE RIGHT!!!ALL YOU DEATH DEALING WARMONGERING GUN NUTS!!!

  71. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …it is fueled from the gas generated from eating limo beans.

  72. Anonymiss says:

    @70 WINGNUT LOOSERS?

    Are we flinging them mindlessly again?

    Guys, I TOLD you guys to stick with otherwise useless projectiles like WALNUTS!!!!

    Wingnuts can be used, like, to tighten things and stuff.

    Geez.

  73. Burt says:

    @72 YAYS!!

  74. c64wood says:

    … it goes from 69 to 48 in 63 months

    … it has a few extra pair of mom jeans in the trunk

    …it has non-tinted glass, so when he says, “Let me be clear” we know he means it.

    …it’s powered by solar panels and a wind turbine. On cloudy days with no breeze, the main stream media push it to keep it going. Now that I think about it, on sunny days with a nice stiff breeze, the mainstream media push it to keep it going.

    …Obamacare waivers for those who built it.

    …it’s a secret

  75. raml says:

    It’s a ragtop

  76. Gumbeaux says:

    Its most notable feature from an irony standpoint is that the idiot who will be riding in the back seat is admittedly incapable of comprehending a vehicle insurance policy. Or much of anything else, for that matter.

  77. tanstaafl44 says:

    its previous owner was the Joker

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