Who Murdered the Dinosaurs?

Posted on March 13, 2014 11:00 am

It’s a new site for libertarians (sorry, Carpenter) and conservatives who write fiction: Liberty Island. You can go there and read a bunch of great short stories, and if you’re a writer, submit your own work.

Hey, what’s that? It’s a story called “Who Murdered the Dinosaurs?” by me! Yes, my first piece of published fiction, and reading it is MANDATORY. And not like Obamacare mandatory; real mandatory.

Anyway, If you liked my In My Worlds, it’s a similar style humor, and it’s about two CSIs finding out that the dinosaurs didn’t go extinct through natural causes — they were murdered! — and they need to find the culprits before they come after humans as well. I wrote it on a lark between some novels I’m working on (which I hope to have news on soon about when you get to see those).

So go read my story, and register and write a review if you like my story (but don’t write anything if you don’t like my story because you don’t want people to know you’re weird). And read some other stories at the site as well (I haven’t had a chance to read them all yet, but what I’ve read so far has been great).

So go. NOW! And then tell me your favorite lines; I always like that feedback. Mine is the one about “yellow gold”; I really like that one for some reason. And my favorite part is either the part with the rival CSIs or Devereux talking to her boss.

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1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

30 Responses to “Who Murdered the Dinosaurs?”

  1. AT says:

    Mandatory assignment completed. It was a nice story. I identified with Braeburn. Mostly because I too lash out violently when I get nervous.

    Or lonely.

    Or hungry.

    Or bored.

    I was surprised there was no discussion of dolphins as suspects. I’ve always been wary of them at Sea World. Not sure why, I just get a strange tingle (the instinctual one, not the Chris Matthews one) when I’m around them – like I sense malevolence. Then I lash out violently.

    Consequently, I’m not welcome at Sea World both in Florida or California.

  2. Frank J. says:

    AT,
    Dolphins were not contemporaries of the dinosaurs, so if they were the murderers, that would have to involve time travel — which is just silly.

    But they are evil, yes.

  3. Steve H says:

    @2 – And, of course, we mustn’t be silly…

  4. Frank J. says:

    Steve H,
    You didn’t give it a perfect 5 stars, so you’re now banned from IMAO.

    And what was the typo?

  5. AT says:

    Obviously you’ve never played Ecco the Dolphin. Which I’m told was based on a true story.

  6. jw says:

    read the story. liked the story. favorite lines:

    “And the case of the health-conscious cannibal who only ate vegans.”

    and

    “Devereux stood beside him, looking blonde and confused …”

    and “penguins”

  7. Frank J. says:

    jw,
    The original line was:

    “And the case of the health-conscious cannibal who only ate vegans (caught because he mentioned how he only ate vegans in pretty much every conversation).”

    But the parenthetical statement got cut.

  8. slapout says:

    The butler did it

  9. CCO says:

    I posit that it was the Assiti.

  10. Frank J. says:

    slapout,
    Dinosaurs don’t have butlers. You’re an idiot.

    CCO,
    Reasons are given within the story to dismiss aliens as a culprit.

  11. Steve H says:

    Frank – Assuming this gets beyond the IMAO Banning Filters, the typo is actually a missing word in the third sentence. And you can have the fifth star since I’m not using it.

  12. Steve H says:

    (The Gathering was five star material.)

  13. Frank J. says:

    Steve H.,
    Perhaps I’m dense, but if keep staring at it and I don’t see the missing word. Oh, wait, I guess I wouldn’t see it…

    The Gathering?

  14. AT says:

    I think Steve is referring to a game from my youth where we laid cards on tables and turned them sideways to tap magical forces out of them in order to build an army of monsters to attack each other. It made everyone who played it worship satan and try drugs.

  15. Frank J. says:

    AT,
    I tried that once and we actually summoned Satan, but then he said he wasn’t interested in the allegiance of a bunch of dorks.

  16. AwesometificAmerican says:

    Favorite line-“Graham stared at the amber. It was so tiny and innocent looking, yet it concealed deadly secrets, like a kitten that had swallowed a thermo-nuclear device”

  17. Anonymiss says:

    This was my favorite line: “Braeburn didn’t change his expression. It was the only one he had.”

    Devereux makes me smile.

  18. Oppo says:

    “Who Murdered The Dinosaurs?”

    Some say they died in the Cambrian explosion.

    Or maybe it was a meteor impact, in which case it was Ejecta Ripper.

    Or maybe it was Carpenter after all, having heard that they evolved from the scum of the earth.

    Check also on Cops-A-Plesiosaur.

  19. Oppo says:

    Pterodactyl grilling a suspect: “Talk, or I’ll pter you a new one!”

  20. Steve H says:

    @13 – Corrections, if I was to be super-picky:

    Braeburn had worked many odd cases as a crime scene investigator[, like] the clown that was set on fire and thrown off a building (eventually ruled self-defense). [At] the time it was determined that the real killer was society. And [then there was] the case of the health-conscious cannibal who only ate vegans.

    I guess it really isn’t “wrong” since the paragraph runs like a list and not a group of complete sentences. My 7th grade English teacher would take a ruler to your knuckles, but (alas) I am not her. This must be the New Grammar. I’ll shutup now and get back to telling you kids to get off my lawn.

  21. Steve H says:

    (btw, my banishment isn’t as bad as I would’ve thought.)

  22. Frank J. says:

    Steve H.,
    Yeah, your correction changes the meaning; it’s supposed to be a list of three different cases.

    It’s more of a spiritual than a physical banishment.

  23. Frank J. says:

    Oppo,
    That was all very awful.

  24. Oppo says:

    @Steve H: Not bad! I hope my banishment is as lenient!

    “Who murdered the dinosaurs?”

    … Smart money is on Dr. Creationism in the sacristy.

    … Have they checked the victims for traces of mammal nitrate?

    … or interrogate Archaeopteryx at Guano-tonemo Bay?

    … and I’d take a hard look at Cro-Magnum Man.

  25. Oppo says:

    @23. Sorry.

  26. Oppo says:

    Lizard Borden?

  27. Oppo says:

    Perhaps they just overdosed on jurassic Perc.

    I’m done now.

  28. raml says:

    #27 Thank ,whatever current head of religious system, you espouse.

  29. Steve H says:

    @27 and @28 – I feel like the woman sitting near Meg Ryan at the diner, “I’ll have what [Oppo]‘s having.”

  30. Steve H says:

    @22 – I wasn’t spiritually paying attention. I’ll be more careful next time.

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