"one of youse is an undercover COP!" Outrageous! It's not me, heard those guys are cool tho. Like really cool and good at sex… What?
— Turbo Jimothy (@Turbo_Jimmy) March 19, 2014
If you ask a cop, he’s legally obligated to tell you if he’s a member of The Village People.
— Viktor Winetrout, Jr (@Cpin42) March 19, 2014
I know what happened to the Malaysian plane: it was swallowed up by a larger plane. Happens all the time in nature
— Michael Kupperman (@MKupperman) March 19, 2014
FUN FACT: If you stretched out your intestines they would reach all the way to the cabin in the woods you were murdered in.
— dan guterman (@danguterman) March 19, 2014
"It puts the lotion on its skin" "LET ME GO, PLEASE!" "It maybe trims its eyebrows" "PLEASE!" "It shouldn't hide its pretty face" "Mom?"
— Post-Culture Review (@PostCultRev) March 19, 2014
"Why do only the good die young?" is a fun question to ask your grandparents.
— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) March 19, 2014
Can I interest you in a pamphlet? Or maybe even a whole pamph?
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) March 19, 2014
Employees looking at me like I'm an idiot. You're selling collared shirts to infants, but I'm the stupid one?
— Honest Toddler (@HonestToddler) March 19, 2014