Wisdom of the Day: Insurance Pull-Up Matrix Chipotle Want Bass Leopard Parents Daylight Horror Jokers Beer
"Cut down on other expenses if your insurance premiums increase." "Ok. I'll buy those cheaper light bulbs." "About that…" "DAMMIT BARRY!"
— Lachlan Markay (@lachlan) March 12, 2014
If someone put a gun to my head and said "Do one pull-up," I'd be like "After you shoot me, can you tweet that I did at least one"
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) March 12, 2014
The Matrix is a sci-fi movie where humans are stuck funneling all their energy into machines and living out empty fantasies in a bleak world
— Mickey McCauley (@Mickey_McCauley) March 12, 2014
No two people pronounce chipotle the same way. # science
— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) March 12, 2014
What do we want?! NOW When do we want it?! I wasn't finished! AND LATERS
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) March 12, 2014
In fairness, Lance Bass is every bit the healthcare reform expert as Barack Obama.
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 12, 2014
I'd rather listen to an actual deaf leopard.
— Matt Fernandez (@FattMernandez) March 12, 2014
#WaysToAffordObamaCare Quit your job and move back in with your parents.
— Daniel Snyder (@danmsnyder) March 12, 2014
Okay, I've saved enough daylight. Can we go back now?
— Jim Treacher (@jtLOL) March 12, 2014
Horror movies have taught me that when you're in a small town with creepy locals, behave as rudely as possible. WHAT CAN THEY POSSIBLY DO?
— Michael Kupperman (@MKupperman) March 12, 2014
"Ok, jokers wild!" — pretty bad tarot card reader
— Nic Cage Match, Lady (@NicCageMatch) March 13, 2014
99 bottles of craft beer on the wall, 99 bottles of craft beer, take one down and discuss its hoppiness and mouthfeel, 98 bottles of craft b
— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) March 13, 2014