"What do I do? I flip real-estate." — tornado small talk
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) March 6, 2014
"My bed is half full." – Lonely optimist
— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) March 6, 2014
"I'm happy for you" always seems like the nice way of saying, "Wow, I so would not have made the same choice."
— FrancescoMarciuliano (@fmarciuliano) March 6, 2014
It's fine if you don't like the NRA but running around pretending it's not winning is just pathetic
— Stephen Gutowski (@StephenGutowski) March 6, 2014
#Obummer fact: police can give you a ticket for driving TOO well. It's called Wreckless Driving.
— michael (@michaeljhudson) March 6, 2014
Monocles are making a fashion comeback. They're great for people who have trouble seeing that they look like a complete douche
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) March 6, 2014
Welcome to the force, rookie, here's your badge and gun. And here's some Kleenex because sometimes those perps say pretty hurtful things
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) March 6, 2014
Remember kids, there’s no such thing as a dumb question. “Um is Shrek related to the ninja turtles?” Get out of my class you stupid idiot.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) March 7, 2014