Random Thoughts: Earth Day, Intellectuals, and MST3K

Posted on April 23, 2014 9:00 am

If there was a study saying free speech is harmful, no one would listen to it… if you’re wondering why no one listens to your gun study.

The problem with all these racist things to fight racism is that none of them seem to have an exit strategy.

So Earth Day is the day we get all jingoistic about the planet we just happened to be born on. Whatever, idiots.

Mars is my favorite planet. Not Earth. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Earth doesn’t even make my top three.

Don’t tell Netflix, but yes I would pay quite a bit more than $7.99 a month for their service.

Don’t the angry, radical feminists know they’re going about attracting a man all wrong?

We can solve everything by just having the government push more people around.

We’re too afraid of failure anymore to risk that in order to achieve success.

There should be a special day where we only say nice things to each other on the internet. But only that day.

If white people are left unchecked, they could eventually gentrify the entire world.

So has anyone done a Twitter death hoax for someone who actually died years ago?

The supposed defenders of our rights in the courts are often profound idiots writing pages and pages on why 2 + 2 = 5.

Part of being an “intellectual.” Can’t be smart arguing 2+2=4 because everyone knows that, so you need to pick another position.

The Democrats will go wild in the presidential debates every time Hillary uses her rebuttal of, “What? Speak up, sonny.”

I guess MST3K isn’t for everyone. Not everyone gets… humor.

For instance, Data from Star Trek the Next Generation would be very confused by MST3K.

If climate change is so true, then how come the people most loudly warning about it are so full of crap?

I hope when Jack Bauer returns next month he has some ideas to get the economy going again.

I’m glad Ronald Reagan shot Lenin. That’s why we made him president.

Probably the most tragic presidential death was FDR, who a tearful Truman had to shoot to keep him from turning into a werewolf.

FACT: The Democrat Party was invented to destroy America from the inside. They failed with the Civil War; been more subtle since.

That is a FACT (all caps). No real historian disputes it.

FACT: You can only put the word “fact” in all caps if the fact is undisputed.

The one question libertarians never have a good answer to is if we don’t have a government, how are we going to fight the war on drugs?

There has actually been more instances of kids throwing knives at each other since they stopped teaching knife throwing in school.

You only ever hear about all the bad stuff Dr. Doom does, but apparently he’s a very sought after OBGYN.

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16 Responses to “Random Thoughts: Earth Day, Intellectuals, and MST3K”

  1. Apostic says:

    Probably the most tragic presidential death was FDR, who a tearful Truman had to shoot to keep him from turning into a werewolf.

    Hmmm… Harry S Truman: Werewolf Hunter, featuring a fight to the death between Truman and the head werewolf Thomas Dewey that leaves the audience hanging upon the outcome until the very end…

    Uh. No.

  2. jw says:

    2+2=5 for all sufficiently large values of 2.

  3. Burt says:

    JANEANE can put any word into all caps that she wants to. (infinite YEAS)

  4. petetheelder says:

    I think Netflix figured out a while ago that many of their customers would pay a lot more. When other services are charging $4 or so stream one new title, $8 a month for a giant all you can eat buffet with a handful of things you really like looks like a bargain.

    Their big worry needs to be Amazon since if they start charging more than Amazon I would switch over to Amazon Prime since they have most of the same good titles.

  5. walruskkkch says:

    “FACT: The Democrat Party was invented to destroy America from the inside. They failed with the Civil War; been more subtle since.”

    Never thought about it before, but you are right.

  6. Basil says:

    So has anyone done a Twitter death hoax for someone who actually died years ago?

    Somebody did that on the Facebook about Harvey Korman recently. Really. I kinda think Harvey would’ve enjoyed it.

  7. Jimmy says:

    @2: It depends on what the meaning of ‘5’ is. Remember,

    sin²Θ + cos²Θ = 1

    only if the space is Euclidean.

  8. jw says:

    @7 Jimmy:

    well, yeah. non- Euclidean space is just so much hyperbole.

  9. Bob B says:

    @3 Burt – as long as she continues to stay fact-free in her comments (shouldn’t be a problem). Otherwise, confusion might ensue…

  10. Jimmy says:

    I had a kitchen incident this morning and I feel the need to talk about it.

    Q: How much glue does it take to seal a package of coffee?

    A: Apparently, so much that you rip the snot out of the package just to open it.

  11. AT says:

    @10 Scissors bro. Or a kitchen knife. Or a gun. I’ve never met a sealed pack of coffee that didn’t give way to a few rounds of 5.56.

    Sure, people say these household tools are dangerous and can be used to harm people – but they also serve a very real and practical purpose.

    And that’s why we have a 2nd Amendment.

  12. T Rich says:

    Somehow it doesn’t track that the same guy who posted comment 7 also had the incident related in post 10! Too much book learning for that boy. Perhaps AT should not have recommended the gun as one option for opening the coffee – Jimmy may need to work up to that method.

  13. Jimmy says:

    @11 & @12: I’ll have you know that Starbucks is the worst offender when it comes to too much glue in the top of their coffee bags. But it isn’t just them. Since I buy a lot of different coffees (in search for the perfect brew), the problem is all over the damn place. If they’re going to use that much strong glue, they need to ‘up’ the tensile strength of the bag material because it rips like a sonofabeotch! Then I have to tape-up the hole(s) so the coffee doesn’t spill all over the damn place.

    Yeah, I’m not tracking too well today.

  14. Les says:

    Retired Supreme Court Justice Juan Pablo Valdez wants to change the Second Amendment to read, “the right of the people to keep and bear arms – while opening tightly sealed boxes of coffee – shall not be infringed.” It only adds seven words, and clarifies the obvious original intent of the Founders.

  15. AT says:

    “The perfect brew.” Suuuuure Jim.

    Anybody dealing in that much coffee is just trying to throw off the dogs. What are you moving Jim? H? Coke? Meth? What? Out with it man!

  16. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    http://www.ihatethemedia.com/earth-day-predictions-of-1970-the-reason-you-should-not-believe-earth-day-predictions-of-2009

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