Straight Line of the Day: A New Report Shows That Corn Biofuel Causes More Global Warming Than Gasoline. But the Even Bigger Surprise…

Posted on April 22, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

A new report shows that corn biofuel causes more global warming than gasoline. But the even bigger surprise…

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36 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: A New Report Shows That Corn Biofuel Causes More Global Warming Than Gasoline. But the Even Bigger Surprise…”

  1. Steve H says:

    … libtards discussing these idiotic ideas generate even more.

  2. Bob B says:

    … is that EPA officials get “polluted” with corn-based distillates before making policy decisions.

  3. can of spam says:

    … is that the state of Iowa did not immediately condemn the report as “the work of the Devil”.

  4. can of spam says:

    … is that the report blamed this fact on global warming.

  5. archangel says:

    …is the fact that the Ministry of Truth allowed this fact to be reported.

  6. can of spam says:

    … is that the report authors each woke up the next morning with a hog’s head in their bed.

  7. can of spam says:

    … the pro-renewable-energy leftists claimed that the only reason it failed was that we didn’t spend enough on the problem.

    Oh, wait, you said “surprise”… never mind.

  8. walruskkkch says:

    A new report shows that corn biofuel causes more global warming than gasoline. But the even bigger surprise…

    is that no one is gonna really care.

  9. walruskkkch says:

    A new report shows that corn biofuel causes more global warming than gasoline. But the even bigger surprise…

    is that anyone still confuses what a report about “Global warming” has to do with reality.

  10. Jimmy says:

    …is that it causes even more glaciation than global warming.

  11. Ken says:

    “but Chtulhu loves corn biofuel as his favorite dipping sauce for his human McNuggetts”

  12. can of spam says:

    … is that Michael Mann claimed that his models predicted this, but there’s no chance in hell that he’ll let you see the raw documents to prove that.

    Oh, right… I keep forgetting that “surprise” thing…

  13. Jimmy says:

    …is the shear number of drunken pigs walking around.

  14. walruskkkch says:

    A new report shows that corn biofuel causes more global warming than gasoline. But the even bigger surprise…

    is that the report can only PROVE

    “..biofuels made with corn residue release 7 percent more greenhouse gases in the early years compared with conventional gasoline.”

    whether that actually warms the Earth conclusively is another matter.

  15. can of spam says:

    … the EPA immediately declared corn to be a threat to national security and ordered a nuclear strike on 80% of the upper midwest.

  16. Jimmy says:

    …were the immediate cutbacks ordered for biofuel production, favoring, instead, importing all of our needs from the Saudis.

  17. walruskkkch says:

    A new report shows that corn biofuel causes more global warming than gasoline. But the even bigger surprise…

    it’s totally offset by the presence of Al Gore in the area.

  18. can of spam says:

    … Iowa, Indiana, and Nebraska legislatures approve marijuana legalization, but only for weed grown in-state.

  19. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . is that it doesn’t do anything at all to make the winters here more tolerable.

  20. Bob B says:

    …is that the EPA will soon invoke the Kelo decision to convert all corn fields into wind farms, while still requiring evil oil companies to use even more biofuel or face confiscatory fines…

  21. Jimmy says:

    …is that if you feed it to pigs, you get “bacohol.” Apparently, the Irish are looking into it.

  22. Jimmy says:

    Never mind, that’s just corny.

  23. can of spam says:

    @21, 22: No… please… go on. You’ve got my interest.

  24. Jimmy says:

    @23: See, bacohol goes real good in a BLT: Bacohol Lettuce and Tomato sammich using special toasted, buttered Rosemary-spiced bread.

    Wait. Maybe it’s the beer I’m drinking with it.

  25. Burt says:

    A New Report Shows That Corn Biofuel Causes More Global Warming Than Gasoline. But the Even Bigger Surprise…preliminary testing has shown the byproducts from Soylent Green production may be ideal. For further testing Air Force One and Marine One have been converted and a contract with HHS death panels in in the works. (just needs Kathy Sebelius’ signature)

  26. DamnCat says:

    @23: other advantages of bacohol:
    1) long shelf life
    2) cooks instantly by touching a lighter to it

  27. Jimmy says:

    @26:

    And VERY good for the environment!!

  28. c64wood says:

    But the Even Bigger Surprise…

    … was that the dirt people did not sue to have the results of the report overturned.

    …was when it was discovered that Eddie Haskell really is Alice Cooper

    …is that we’ve been stuck on 10 years out from a climate disaster for 45 years now.

  29. Jimmy says:

    FYI, the formula for bacohol is somewhat complex:

    It’s a rare Potassium, Nitrogen, Iodine, Oxygen molecule bonded with ethyl acohol:

    OINK-C2H5OH

  30. Oppo says:

    “The Even Bigger Surprise. . .”

    . . . was Jimmy’s Spamish Oinkquisition.

  31. can of spam says:

    @30: NOBODY expects the Spamish Oinkquisition. In fact, those who do expect it also like sausage, eggs, and baked beans.

  32. Jimmy says:

    And don’t forget corned beef hash, spam, which you can get from a can!

  33. Dohtimes says:

    …is that the EPA wants to issue hunting licenses for corn stalks.

    …the yellow corn consistently outscores the white corn on tests. Predictably the Indian corn has it’s land stolen by and contracts disease from the white corn.

    ….are the billions of dollars we have invested in gasoline powered windmills.

  34. CLIFF says:

    …is that Michelle Obama wanted first graders to drink it for lunch.

  35. Bob B says:

    @31 – Baked beans are off…

  36. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …the Michael Moore diet doesn’t really help you to lose weight.

    …Joe Biden might not be all that smart.

    …Obamacare causes insurance premiums to go up and people to lose coverage.

    …doing something just for the sake of doing something when faced with a problem sometimes makes things worse.

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