Straight Line of the Day: A New Report Shows That Corn Biofuel Causes More Global Warming Than Gasoline. But the Even Bigger Surprise…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

A new report shows that corn biofuel causes more global warming than gasoline. But the even bigger surprise…

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36 Comments

  1. … is that EPA officials get “polluted” with corn-based distillates before making policy decisions.

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  2. … is that the state of Iowa did not immediately condemn the report as “the work of the Devil”.

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  3. … the pro-renewable-energy leftists claimed that the only reason it failed was that we didn’t spend enough on the problem.

    Oh, wait, you said “surprise”… never mind.

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  4. A new report shows that corn biofuel causes more global warming than gasoline. But the even bigger surprise…

    is that no one is gonna really care.

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  5. A new report shows that corn biofuel causes more global warming than gasoline. But the even bigger surprise…

    is that anyone still confuses what a report about “Global warming” has to do with reality.

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  6. … is that Michael Mann claimed that his models predicted this, but there’s no chance in hell that he’ll let you see the raw documents to prove that.

    Oh, right… I keep forgetting that “surprise” thing…

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  7. A new report shows that corn biofuel causes more global warming than gasoline. But the even bigger surprise…

    is that the report can only PROVE

    “..biofuels made with corn residue release 7 percent more greenhouse gases in the early years compared with conventional gasoline.”

    whether that actually warms the Earth conclusively is another matter.

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  8. … the EPA immediately declared corn to be a threat to national security and ordered a nuclear strike on 80% of the upper midwest.

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  9. …were the immediate cutbacks ordered for biofuel production, favoring, instead, importing all of our needs from the Saudis.

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  10. A new report shows that corn biofuel causes more global warming than gasoline. But the even bigger surprise…

    it’s totally offset by the presence of Al Gore in the area.

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  11. … Iowa, Indiana, and Nebraska legislatures approve marijuana legalization, but only for weed grown in-state.

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  12. …is that the EPA will soon invoke the Kelo decision to convert all corn fields into wind farms, while still requiring evil oil companies to use even more biofuel or face confiscatory fines…

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  13. @23: See, bacohol goes real good in a BLT: Bacohol Lettuce and Tomato sammich using special toasted, buttered Rosemary-spiced bread.

    Wait. Maybe it’s the beer I’m drinking with it.

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  14. A New Report Shows That Corn Biofuel Causes More Global Warming Than Gasoline. But the Even Bigger Surprise…preliminary testing has shown the byproducts from Soylent Green production may be ideal. For further testing Air Force One and Marine One have been converted and a contract with HHS death panels in in the works. (just needs Kathy Sebelius’ signature)

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  15. @23: other advantages of bacohol:
    1) long shelf life
    2) cooks instantly by touching a lighter to it

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  16. But the Even Bigger Surprise…

    … was that the dirt people did not sue to have the results of the report overturned.

    …was when it was discovered that Eddie Haskell really is Alice Cooper

    …is that we’ve been stuck on 10 years out from a climate disaster for 45 years now.

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  17. FYI, the formula for bacohol is somewhat complex:

    It’s a rare Potassium, Nitrogen, Iodine, Oxygen molecule bonded with ethyl acohol:

    OINK-C2H5OH

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  18. @30: NOBODY expects the Spamish Oinkquisition. In fact, those who do expect it also like sausage, eggs, and baked beans.

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  19. …is that the EPA wants to issue hunting licenses for corn stalks.

    …the yellow corn consistently outscores the white corn on tests. Predictably the Indian corn has it’s land stolen by and contracts disease from the white corn.

    ….are the billions of dollars we have invested in gasoline powered windmills.

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  20. …the Michael Moore diet doesn’t really help you to lose weight.

    …Joe Biden might not be all that smart.

    …Obamacare causes insurance premiums to go up and people to lose coverage.

    …doing something just for the sake of doing something when faced with a problem sometimes makes things worse.

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