Straight Line of the Day: A New Study Shows That Kids in the US Are Getting Heavier. Therefore, Obama Proposes…

Posted on April 9, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

A new study shows that kids in the US are getting heavier. Therefore, Obama proposes…

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47 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: A New Study Shows That Kids in the US Are Getting Heavier. Therefore, Obama Proposes…”

  1. Steve H says:

    … another golf game.
    … redefining the term Weight.
    … an Executive Order limiting Gravity to fifty percent for registered Dems and their offspring.

  2. Jimmy says:

    …consulting Woody Allen and switching back to deep fat, steak, cream pies and fudge.

  3. Steve H says:

    … placing pictures of Michelle on people’s refrigerators, thereby reducing the National Appetite.
    … placing pictures of Michelle in people’s bedrooms, thereby reducing the number of children produced in the first place.

  4. Steve H says:

    … sending the fat kids to places where “studies” aren’t allowed.
    … funding a new green initiative that turns baby fat into bio-fuel.

  5. Steve H says:

    MORE COOKIES !!!

  6. frogmouth says:

    blaming Bush.

  7. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . using the metric system, because the figures for weight in kilograms will be smaller, which means that the children weigh less. Also the Eurinals use the metric system.

  8. Jimmy says:

    @4 Steve H: In addition…

    …studies to confirm that ‘brown fat’ (baby fat) is okay in Liberal families while ‘yellow fat’ (adult fat) is caused by Conservatism.

  9. CLIFF says:

    …free Obamascales

  10. Ron G says:

    To make them eat more until they aren’t obese.

  11. walruskkkch says:

    A new study shows that kids in the US are getting heavier. Therefore, Obama proposes…

    to study how many votes are in the “Fat” lobby.

  12. Ron G says:

    Redefining the gravitational acceleration constant, g, from 32 ft/sec^2 to something less obese, say, 12 ft/sec^2. At least on Tuesdays.

  13. walruskkkch says:

    A new study shows that kids in the US are getting heavier. Therefore, Obama proposes…

    something, all I know is that it will take away more freedom and cost more in taxes.

  14. walruskkkch says:

    A new study shows that kids in the US are getting heavier. Therefore, Obama proposes…

    new laws outlawing Fatism.

  15. Jimmy says:

    …fat kids take weight-reducing drugs that also cause them to vote Democrat. Thanks Obama!

  16. Conservatarian says:

    …a tax on skinny kids to subsidize the additional food needed to keep the fat kids fat and happy.

  17. Jimmy says:

    …that we “do it for the fat children.”

  18. AT says:

    … blaming Republicans for the War on Health.

  19. HokieGomer says:

    …to tax scales.

  20. Bob B says:

    …changing the phrase “getting heavier” to “gaining gravitas” to protect their delicate self-esteem.

  21. Burt says:

    …increasing the air pressure in tricycle tires.

  22. Bob B says:

    …that the government develop an app to reduce all “selfie” images by 25%.

  23. Fly says:

    … resetting diplomatic relations between fat kids and their vegetables.

  24. c64wood says:

    …stiff penalties on heavy kids since they must be stealing weight from other kids.

    …stricter Moochelle nutrition guidelines.

    …a fat red line

  25. Dohtimes says:

    …weighing them in their loafers, after all, he is lighter in his than most sixth graders he sees.

    …no more valedictorians, many more vomitoriums.

    …big butt redistribution.

    …new Surgeon General Quinton Aaron also becomes Dietician In Chief.

    …eating the leaner portions of dogs.

  26. Oppo says:

    … “thinning the herd.” It just sounded ominous, the way he said it.

    … yelling out “Norm!” every time a fat kid enters a room, to make them feel comfortable in being the new norm.

  27. Oppo says:

    … classifying gallons of ice cream as shovel-ready jobs.

    … warning Americans that it takes a village to raise a child, and the village should bend its knees and keep its back straight.

  28. Writer says:

    … a rather “Modest Proposal”.

  29. Oppo says:

    … enlisting Aretha Franklin to help them regain their self-repwhatever.

  30. Oppo says:

    … “smokin’ a fatty.” It *really* sounded ominous the way he said it.

    … proclaiming a sumo of recovery.

  31. Burt says:

    …requiring wide angle lenses on all cell phones. (should it be spelled ‘cellphie’?)

  32. blarg says:

    …more burdensome invasive regulation (oh, wait I was supposed to come up with something funny, wasn’t I?)

  33. walruskkkch says:

    …requiring all insurance to cover Liposuction and Stomach stapling procedures.

  34. JeffersonFan says:

    Switch to the metric system so those 200 lb. 12 year olds only weigh 91 kg.

  35. TGregg says:

    . . . new laws that require skinny kids to get fat transplant surgery.

  36. blarg says:

    …raise the price of food.

  37. Oppo says:

    … issuing a fat-wa.

    … putting Warren Buffet in charge of the War on Buffets.

    …. celebrating Girth Day, Girth Hour, and several national days of Thanksgiving(s).

    … attening a prayer breakfast

  38. blarg says:

    …treating them as a new voting bloc to be pandered to and promised special treatment

  39. Oppo says:

    Correction:
    … attending a prayer breakfast, lunch, and after-school snack.

  40. blarg says:

    …socialism! it fixes everything.

  41. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …helium enemas.

  42. Dohtimes says:

    …bigger voting booths.

    …GMAC box springs.

    …a hold on legalizing pot, fast tracking mandatory meth.

    …10% hike in minimum miles hitch hikers receive when they have no cash or grass.

  43. Bob B says:

    …that his “pound of flesh” retaliatory behavior become a real “excise” tax.

  44. Snackeater says:

    I can’t believe you use the phrase “straight line…” Don’t you know that homophobic?

  45. Nate says:

    mandating the lighter kids gain pounds

  46. frogmouth says:

    If you like your fat child, you can keep your fat child.

  47. dRoast says:

    …a tax on gravity usage.

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