Straight Line of the Day: A New Study Shows That Kids in the US Are Getting Heavier. Therefore, Obama Proposes…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

A new study shows that kids in the US are getting heavier. Therefore, Obama proposes…

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  1. … placing pictures of Michelle on people’s refrigerators, thereby reducing the National Appetite.
    … placing pictures of Michelle in people’s bedrooms, thereby reducing the number of children produced in the first place.

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  2. …weighing them in their loafers, after all, he is lighter in his than most sixth graders he sees.

    …no more valedictorians, many more vomitoriums.

    …big butt redistribution.

    …new Surgeon General Quinton Aaron also becomes Dietician In Chief.

    …eating the leaner portions of dogs.

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  3. … “thinning the herd.” It just sounded ominous, the way he said it.

    … yelling out “Norm!” every time a fat kid enters a room, to make them feel comfortable in being the new norm.

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  4. … classifying gallons of ice cream as shovel-ready jobs.

    … warning Americans that it takes a village to raise a child, and the village should bend its knees and keep its back straight.

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  5. … issuing a fat-wa.

    … putting Warren Buffet in charge of the War on Buffets.

    …. celebrating Girth Day, Girth Hour, and several national days of Thanksgiving(s).

    … attening a prayer breakfast

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  6. …bigger voting booths.

    …GMAC box springs.

    …a hold on legalizing pot, fast tracking mandatory meth.

    …10% hike in minimum miles hitch hikers receive when they have no cash or grass.

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