Straight Line of the Day: A New Study Shows That Kids in the US Are Getting Heavier. Therefore, Obama Proposes…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

A new study shows that kids in the US are getting heavier. Therefore, Obama proposes…

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47 Comments

  1. … another golf game.
    … redefining the term Weight.
    … an Executive Order limiting Gravity to fifty percent for registered Dems and their offspring.

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  2. … placing pictures of Michelle on people’s refrigerators, thereby reducing the National Appetite.
    … placing pictures of Michelle in people’s bedrooms, thereby reducing the number of children produced in the first place.

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  3. … sending the fat kids to places where “studies” aren’t allowed.
    … funding a new green initiative that turns baby fat into bio-fuel.

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  4. . . . using the metric system, because the figures for weight in kilograms will be smaller, which means that the children weigh less. Also the Eurinals use the metric system.

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  5. @4 Steve H: In addition…

    …studies to confirm that ‘brown fat’ (baby fat) is okay in Liberal families while ‘yellow fat’ (adult fat) is caused by Conservatism.

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  6. A new study shows that kids in the US are getting heavier. Therefore, Obama proposes…

    to study how many votes are in the “Fat” lobby.

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  7. Redefining the gravitational acceleration constant, g, from 32 ft/sec^2 to something less obese, say, 12 ft/sec^2. At least on Tuesdays.

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  8. A new study shows that kids in the US are getting heavier. Therefore, Obama proposes…

    something, all I know is that it will take away more freedom and cost more in taxes.

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  9. A new study shows that kids in the US are getting heavier. Therefore, Obama proposes…

    new laws outlawing Fatism.

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  10. …a tax on skinny kids to subsidize the additional food needed to keep the fat kids fat and happy.

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  11. …changing the phrase “getting heavier” to “gaining gravitas” to protect their delicate self-esteem.

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  12. …stiff penalties on heavy kids since they must be stealing weight from other kids.

    …stricter Moochelle nutrition guidelines.

    …a fat red line

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  13. …weighing them in their loafers, after all, he is lighter in his than most sixth graders he sees.

    …no more valedictorians, many more vomitoriums.

    …big butt redistribution.

    …new Surgeon General Quinton Aaron also becomes Dietician In Chief.

    …eating the leaner portions of dogs.

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  14. … “thinning the herd.” It just sounded ominous, the way he said it.

    … yelling out “Norm!” every time a fat kid enters a room, to make them feel comfortable in being the new norm.

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  15. … classifying gallons of ice cream as shovel-ready jobs.

    … warning Americans that it takes a village to raise a child, and the village should bend its knees and keep its back straight.

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  16. … “smokin’ a fatty.” It *really* sounded ominous the way he said it.

    … proclaiming a sumo of recovery.

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  17. …more burdensome invasive regulation (oh, wait I was supposed to come up with something funny, wasn’t I?)

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  18. … issuing a fat-wa.

    … putting Warren Buffet in charge of the War on Buffets.

    …. celebrating Girth Day, Girth Hour, and several national days of Thanksgiving(s).

    … attening a prayer breakfast

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  19. …bigger voting booths.

    …GMAC box springs.

    …a hold on legalizing pot, fast tracking mandatory meth.

    …10% hike in minimum miles hitch hikers receive when they have no cash or grass.

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  20. I can’t believe you use the phrase “straight line…” Don’t you know that homophobic?

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