Straight Line of the Day: President Obama Will Help Struggling Democrats Get Elected This Fall By…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

President Obama will help struggling Democrats get elected this fall by…

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  1. PRESIDENT OBAMA(INFINITE CAMPAIGN YAYS!!!!!!) WILL HELP THE DEMOCRATS TRIUMPH OVER ALL THE WINGNUT MOONBAT RESCUMLICAN HATER RACISTS BY BEING THE NOBLE PROGRESSIVE TRANSFORMATIVE HISTORIC MAN OF ACTION THAT HE IS!!!! THE DEMOCRATS WILL OWN THE SENATE AND THE HOUSE THANKS TO PRESIDENT OBAMAS(YAYS YAYS AND MORE YAYS!!!!!!!) TIRELESS EFFORTS!!!!

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  2. … having the IRS crack down on any conservative aligned group while getting essentially unlimited unreported in-kind contributions from the media, and in the meantime having the NSA identify any potential Republican voters so that they can be targeted by drone strikes. In other words, the usual. Except the drone strikes. Maybe.

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  3. … sending campaign workers “Vinnie” and “Guido” door-to-door to remind people of the… um… “consequences” of voting GOP might have. (E.g., “nice ballot you got there… be a shame if someone was to set fire to it or something.”)

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  4. Straight Line of the Day: President Obama Will Help Struggling Democrats Get Elected This Fall By…

    … being clear in his speeches.

    … organizing another community.

    … bowing to more world leaders.

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  5. Straight Line of the Day: President Obama Will Help Struggling Democrats Get Elected This Fall By…

    making sure low information voters are aware of the dastardly Republican war on women/gays/the poor/freedom and cute kittens.

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  6. Straight Line of the Day: President Obama Will Help Struggling Democrats Get Elected This Fall By…

    counting votes with the same computers the AGW folks use to predict future temperatures.

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  7. …imprisoning all the hate criminals who show up at the polls with photo IDs.

    …pulling a number (of votes) out of his butt that he deems a successful result.

    …getting John Roberts to change the voting laws to say close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and Democrat vote counts.

    …declaring 1 man, 1 vote for each gender confliction you may have.

    …spreading the wealth of criminally convicted office holders, jailing all Republican candidates as accessories.

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  8. … repudiating any connection between the Democrapic Party and himself.

    … cancelling elections in each state with a “vulnerable Democrapic Senator”

    … Setting a six-figure fine for anyone using the term “obamacare”

    … having Holder declare all ballots in a state that is attempting to clean up Voter Registration
    declared Null and Void.

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  9. President Obama Will Help Struggling Democrats Get Elected This Fall By…

    …ensuring the media mind-washes the conservative voters in the primaries to believe that only wishy washy conservative candidates can beat a liberal. And we seem to fall for it all the time.

    …by having all the top TV shows scripted to talk about the evils of liberty and personal responsibility.

    …by actually changing his name to Barraco Barner

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  10. …repeatedly pivoting, faster and faster, into a graceful pirouette that distracts the media, while Dem operatives broom all references to Democrat malfeasance and corruption into the memory hole…

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  11. …claiming he didn’t realize the country was in such bad shape until he heard about it in the news.

    …promising the American people he’ll really get to work after the election.

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