Straight Line of the Day: Students Were Surprised to Discover that Michelle Obama’s “Healthy” Lunch Menu Included…

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Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

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  1. … more roughage than a typical Michelle speech.
    … pages from the A.C.A.. (you have to eat it to know what’s in it)

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  2. Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    Anonymiss cookies. [unfortunately only when she makes them available.]

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  3. Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    anything more than empty promises.

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  4. Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    them consuming their own souls.

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  5. Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    candy, but only in a Willi Wonka kind of teaching you a life lesson fashion.

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  6. Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    can of spam.

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  7. … half-pound burgers, onion rings, and chocolate shakes… oh, wait, that’s Michelle Obama’s own lunch menu, not the one she’s imposing on kids. Sorry about that.

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  8. Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    Potato and Eggplant Salad
    White House Arugula
    With Onion Seed Vinaigrette
    2008 Sauvignon Blanc, Modus Operandi, Napa Valley, California

    Red Lentil Soup with Fresh Cheese
    2006 Riesling, Brooks “Ara”, Wilamette Valley, Oregon

    Roasted Potato Dumplings
    With Tomato Chutney
    Chick Peas and Okra
    or
    Green Curry Prawns
    Caramelized Salsify
    With Smoked Collard Greens
    and
    Coconut Aged Basmati
    2007 Granache, Beckmen Vineyards, Santa Ynez, California

    Pumpkin Pie Tart
    Pear Tatin Whipped Cream and Caramel Sauce
    Sparkling Chardonnay, Thibaut Janisson Brut, Monticello, Virginia

    Petits Fours and Coffee
    Cashew Brittle
    Pecan Pralines
    Passion Fruit and Vanilla Gelees
    Chocolate

    Dipped Fruit

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  9. Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    Not one thing they wanted to eat.

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  10. Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    A census taker’s liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

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  11. Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    little cards saying, “Eat my shorts.”

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  12. Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    Leftovers.

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  13. If you like your lunch, you can digest your lunch.

    @18 – Hey, shingles they be good carbs !!!

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  14. @34 Steve H: We used to have really good “sh!t on a shingle” in the submarine navy. Also, my Mom used to make it. Loved it.

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  15. …a card on their tray that reads, “Do not waste food” along with trash can cops (teachers). A third grader was hear to say, “But it isn’t food.”

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  16. Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    …not much and zero choices

    …Lunch Gestapo that confiscated any outside lunches.

    …lunch waivers for children of union members and democrat congressmen

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  17. … Vanilla Waivers.

    … bugged juice.

    … a Pop Tart bitten into the shape of something that got to close to Michelle.

    … a copy of her degree in nutrition.

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  18. … a selfie of Michelle at their houses — leaving crumbs too small for their mouses.

    … a Share-Your-Fortune cookie, pre-split into crumbs to pass around.

    … a subpoena, butter, and jelly sandwich (for those kids who haven’t joined OFA yet).

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  19. … Upper Deck trading cards of Generation Y slackers whose doctor visits they’re going to be paying for all their lives.

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  20. …a large cucumber, a condom and an instruction sheet – for kindergardeners and first graders.

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  21. …green Jello with sliced carrots and raisins, with an odd whiff of ethylene glycol. (Your stomach is turning, Oppo.)

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  22. …a thin slice of reality, buttered with blame and tasting of pablum.

    …hard tack and toe jam sammiches.

    …politburo potluck, seasoned with potash and salt-free saltpeter.

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  23. …plop tarts, at least until the teachers get arrested.

    …high fiber fiber optics so Michelle can keep tabs on away from school diets.

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  24. … no actual food, just an I.O.U. for a lunch when they retire . . . part of the food pyramid scheme.

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  25. … a kid’s meal.

    (It is not yet known which middle-class kid’s…)

    … and now for the bad news: you know how corn meal is made out of corn, and oatmeal is made out of oats? . . . .

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  26. … a valuable life lesson: “Life is like a $#!t sandwich; the more bread you have, the less $#!t you have to eat!”

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  27. Students Were Surprised to Discover that Michelle Obama’s “Healthy” Lunch Menu Included…

    – Delicious irony
    – Soy Chicken and bitter clinger dumplings
    – Sweet nourishing gruel
    – Savory chunks of meat that your dog will love!
    – Ritalin Rice and Prozac Pizza, followed by a wee serving of Ambien Apple Pie
    – Michelle’s Mystery Meatloaf (contains no meat)
    – Barry-O’s Solyndra Suprise (There’s nothing in it – surprise!)
    – Holder’s Half-moonbat Cookies
    – Valerie’s Vanilla Cake with Valium Frosting

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