Straight Line of the Day: Students Were Surprised to Discover that Michelle Obama’s “Healthy” Lunch Menu Included…

Posted on April 8, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

79 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Students Were Surprised to Discover that Michelle Obama’s “Healthy” Lunch Menu Included…”

  1. Jimmy says:

    …insects in the hamburger.

    No, never mind. They weren’t surprised.

  2. jw says:

    …no real food

  3. Jimmy says:

    …more lunchroom fat ladies.

  4. Steve H says:

    … more roughage than a typical Michelle speech.
    … pages from the A.C.A.. (you have to eat it to know what’s in it)

  5. Bob B says:

    …much political, and no real nutritional, value.

  6. Jimmy says:

    …airsick bags.

  7. DamnCat says:

    …mandatory Kool-Aid.

  8. Jimmy says:

    …unfried green tomatoes.

  9. Jimmy says:

    …strange looking Government cheese.

  10. walruskkkch says:

    Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    Anonymiss cookies. [unfortunately only when she makes them available.]

  11. walruskkkch says:

    Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    anything more than empty promises.

  12. walruskkkch says:

    Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    them consuming their own souls.

  13. can of spam says:

    … Solyent Green.

  14. walruskkkch says:

    Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    candy, but only in a Willi Wonka kind of teaching you a life lesson fashion.

  15. walruskkkch says:

    Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    can of spam.

  16. can of spam says:

    … all the dirt they can eat.

  17. can of spam says:

    @15: They should be so lucky.

  18. Jimmy says:

    …sh!t on a shingle.

  19. can of spam says:

    … half-pound burgers, onion rings, and chocolate shakes… oh, wait, that’s Michelle Obama’s own lunch menu, not the one she’s imposing on kids. Sorry about that.

  20. Kyle Kiernan says:

    Stinkburgers, Meanwiches, and pre-checked (D) voter registration forms.

  21. can of spam says:

    @18: Literally, not figuratively.

  22. walruskkkch says:

    Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    Potato and Eggplant Salad
    White House Arugula
    With Onion Seed Vinaigrette
    2008 Sauvignon Blanc, Modus Operandi, Napa Valley, California

    Red Lentil Soup with Fresh Cheese
    2006 Riesling, Brooks “Ara”, Wilamette Valley, Oregon

    Roasted Potato Dumplings
    With Tomato Chutney
    Chick Peas and Okra
    or
    Green Curry Prawns
    Caramelized Salsify
    With Smoked Collard Greens
    and
    Coconut Aged Basmati
    2007 Granache, Beckmen Vineyards, Santa Ynez, California

    Pumpkin Pie Tart
    Pear Tatin Whipped Cream and Caramel Sauce
    Sparkling Chardonnay, Thibaut Janisson Brut, Monticello, Virginia

    Petits Fours and Coffee
    Cashew Brittle
    Pecan Pralines
    Passion Fruit and Vanilla Gelees
    Chocolate

    Dipped Fruit

  23. Jimmy says:

    …a handy calorie counter printed on a napkin for the little fatty ones.

  24. AT says:

    … a lecture.

  25. can of spam says:

    … a steady diet of communist propaganda.

  26. can of spam says:

    … a hoe, a packet of seeds, and a watering can.

  27. walruskkkch says:

    Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    Not one thing they wanted to eat.

  28. Jimmy says:

    …food that would gag a maggot.

  29. walruskkkch says:

    Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    A census taker’s liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

  30. Bob B says:

    …guaranteed weight loss, due to the unappetizing nature of the offered “foods”.

  31. walruskkkch says:

    Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    little cards saying, “Eat my shorts.”

  32. walruskkkch says:

    Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    Leftovers.

  33. Jimmy says:

    …bitter dandelion salad greens.

  34. Steve H says:

    If you like your lunch, you can digest your lunch.

    @18 – Hey, shingles they be good carbs !!!

  35. Jimmy says:

    …improperly cooked nettle soup served with a side order of Benadryl.

  36. Jimmy says:

    …really bad green bacon.

  37. Jimmy says:

    @34 Steve H: We used to have really good “sh!t on a shingle” in the submarine navy. Also, my Mom used to make it. Loved it.

  38. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . a Norwegian blue parrot, pining for the fjords.

  39. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . an old family recipe – the recipe itself, not the result of following it

  40. Jimmy says:

    …a card on their tray that reads, “Do not waste food” along with trash can cops (teachers). A third grader was hear to say, “But it isn’t food.”

  41. DamnCat says:

    @ 20. Kyle Kiernan …that’s a good one!

  42. Jack says:

    A Harold and Kumar style C***meat sandwich.

  43. Gumbeaux says:

    Beef jerky. Don’t mess with Sasquatch.

  44. Gumbeaux says:

    Cake. Let them eat cake.

  45. Burt says:

    …words of encouragement from POTUS: http://youtu.be/2qHVSZM7CX0

  46. Writer says:

    … creme canine quiche served on pieces cut from the original Constitution.

  47. ScottB says:

    … A bill for the FLOTUS’s time and effort. You’re welcome.

  48. Gumbeaux says:

    Nutrisystem, a Bammy phone, and an EBT card.

  49. Jimmy says:

    …questionnaires on each tray about mommy’s and daddy’s behavior and gun ownership.

  50. c64wood says:

    Students were surprised to discover that Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…

    …not much and zero choices

    …Lunch Gestapo that confiscated any outside lunches.

    …lunch waivers for children of union members and democrat congressmen

  51. Bob B says:

    @10 – Nooooooooo! The humanity- all those starving children!

  52. Oppo says:

    … Vanilla Waivers.

    … bugged juice.

    … a Pop Tart bitten into the shape of something that got to close to Michelle.

    … a copy of her degree in nutrition.

  53. Oppo says:

    … a CAIR package.

  54. Oppo says:

    … no Koch. Pepsi.

  55. Max says:

    Michelle Obama’s “healthy” lunch menu included…”No soup for them!”

  56. Oppo says:

    … a selfie of Michelle at their houses — leaving crumbs too small for their mouses.

    … a Share-Your-Fortune cookie, pre-split into crumbs to pass around.

    … a subpoena, butter, and jelly sandwich (for those kids who haven’t joined OFA yet).

  57. Oppo says:

    … Upper Deck trading cards of Generation Y slackers whose doctor visits they’re going to be paying for all their lives.

  58. Oppo says:

    … Arbeit Macht(tm) fries.

  59. Oppo says:

    … Pablum.

  60. Jimmy says:

    …a large cucumber, a condom and an instruction sheet – for kindergardeners and first graders.

  61. Jimmy says:

    …Kochroaches in the chili. (I blame Oppo.)

  62. Oppo says:

    … Che’s doodles.

  63. Oppo says:

    @ Jimmy: SADLY, your cucumber one is too true.
    (and of course your blame)

  64. Jimmy says:

    …green Jello with sliced carrots and raisins, with an odd whiff of ethylene glycol. (Your stomach is turning, Oppo.)

  65. Burt says:

    …service by Nurse Ratched.

  66. Dohtimes says:

    …a thin slice of reality, buttered with blame and tasting of pablum.

    …hard tack and toe jam sammiches.

    …politburo potluck, seasoned with potash and salt-free saltpeter.

  67. HokieGomer says:

    …a waiver.

    …a waiver of liability (for the school).

  68. Dohtimes says:

    …plop tarts, at least until the teachers get arrested.

    …high fiber fiber optics so Michelle can keep tabs on away from school diets.

  69. Oppo says:

    … no actual food, just an I.O.U. for a lunch when they retire . . . part of the food pyramid scheme.

  70. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …fresh, live gagh.

  71. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …Barack’s favorite hot dog recipe. -You know, actual dog.

  72. Oppo says:

    … legalized pot and illegalized calling the kettle black.

  73. Oppo says:

    … a kid’s meal.

    (It is not yet known which middle-class kid’s…)

    … and now for the bad news: you know how corn meal is made out of corn, and oatmeal is made out of oats? . . . .

  74. Oppo says:

    … ObamaCarrots (a.k.a. Affordable Care Ots).

  75. CLIFF says:

    …Mao Fried Chicken

  76. 4of7 says:

    … a valuable life lesson: “Life is like a $#!t sandwich; the more bread you have, the less $#!t you have to eat!”

  77. tanstaafl44 says:

    a voter registration card, with “democrat” already filled in

  78. Comrade Chairman Obama says:

    Students Were Surprised to Discover that Michelle Obama’s “Healthy” Lunch Menu Included…

    – Delicious irony
    – Soy Chicken and bitter clinger dumplings
    – Sweet nourishing gruel
    – Savory chunks of meat that your dog will love!
    – Ritalin Rice and Prozac Pizza, followed by a wee serving of Ambien Apple Pie
    – Michelle’s Mystery Meatloaf (contains no meat)
    – Barry-O’s Solyndra Suprise (There’s nothing in it – surprise!)
    – Holder’s Half-moonbat Cookies
    – Valerie’s Vanilla Cake with Valium Frosting

  79. TheHat says:

    Complicated
    Moochs meals are complicated.

Leave a Reply

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>