Promoted Comment: If Obama Ran the Rebellion

Posted on May 3, 2014 8:00 am

[High Praise! to Les of Nuking Politics]

“If the Empire doesn’t stop blowing up planets, we plan to send them a sternly worded letter. And good luck rebuilding that Death Star with all the sanctions we’re gonna throw at ‘em! Meanwhile, we’ve decided to discontinue the X-wing fighters, making for a leaner rebel force. Speaking of leaner, the empress has ordered a cutback in rations. Our new ‘smart-wing’ fighters just won’t accommodate Porkins-sized pilots.”

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5 Responses to “Promoted Comment: If Obama Ran the Rebellion”

  1. Oppo says:

    “The hive of scum and villainy will now set the rules for the rest of the galaxy.

    “Light sabers will be registered — we want to know who has them.

    “Every beep or boop will be collected and stored, but not listened to, by us.

    “And since the sand people will be back, and in greater numbers, we must print all instructions in their language, and take up a collection to pay for their food, housing, and Obamacommunicators. This collection will be backed up by The Force.”

  2. Oppo says:

    Kerry would insist that, his recent comments notwithstanding, when it comes to the Middle East he has always been a staunch Chewbacca.

    Obama would apologize, saying: “There’s no question Han Solo acted stupidly.”

    Both “womprat” and “Beggar’s Canyon” would be considered unforgivably offensive terms.

    Government agencies would not only still be using R1D1 units, but placing new orders for them.

  3. Les says:

    I knew there had to be more.

  4. Bob B says:

    By Imperial edict, all storm troopers are hereby authorized and encouraged to shoot first.

  5. Apostic says:

    Coincidentally, started watching an episode of the animated series Clone Wars this weekend. Opening narration for the episode tells how there was a plan in the Imperial Senate to fund more clones, but Padme is against the plan as “it will only prolong the war.” A quick defeat is preferable to an eventual victory? Fine. Padme channels Obama. Or Boehner.

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