Straight Line of the Day: Panic! Global Warming Is Now Responsible for…

Posted on May 9, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…

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55 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Panic! Global Warming Is Now Responsible for…”

  1. Oppo says:

    … Fear itself.

  2. walruskkkch says:

    Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…

    Male patterned baldness.

  3. walruskkkch says:

    Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…


  4. walruskkkch says:

    Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…

    Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber.

  5. walruskkkch says:

    Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…

    paying for Obamacare.

  6. walruskkkch says:

    Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…

    rioting Jihadis in Benghazi.

  7. can of spam says:

    … global cooling and/or global temperature stagnation.

  8. c64wood says:

    Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…

    …my soy milk going bad 2 days before the expiration date on the carton. (Never mind, I forgot to put it back in the fridge. My bad.)

    …gun crime in gun free zones

    …even more appearances by Al Bore

    …Mass Hysteria

    …the flood in the Bible. The movie said so

  9. walruskkkch says:

    Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…

    whatever ya got worth panicing over.

  10. AT says:

    … Chicago’s crime rate.

  11. FredKey says:

    Burning cookies! :(

  12. Jimmy says:

    Just the facts…

    …the coldest winter in 102 years.

    …100% Arctic freeze-up.

    …polar bears, seals and whales stranded above and below the ice.

    …cats coughing up record fur balls.

  13. can of spam says:

    … George W. Bush. Or is that the other way around?

  14. Bob B says:

    …the cancellation of “Firefly”.

  15. Bob B says:

    …dogs and cats living together – mass hysteria!

  16. Bob B says:

    …Donald Sterling.

  17. Jimmy says:

    … those dumbass comedy awards last night.

  18. Burt says:

    …cookie bakers taking extended vacations.

  19. Anonymiss says:

    @18 HA! If this counts as a “vacation”, please PLEASE make it STOP!!!! :)

  20. frogmouth says:

    Four American deaths in Benghazi. Suck on THAT, Trey Gowdy!!!

  21. Joel says:

    The Koch brothers. Since Harry Reid says they are primarily responsible for global warming, this leads to a never-ending cycle. Or something.

  22. Anonymiss says:

    Most of my perennials not coming up this spring. :(

  23. Burt says:

    …everything that no one else wants to take responsibility for.

  24. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . flat beer

    . . . the temperature of -9 Fahrenheit that we had here on March 3.

    Anonymiss – If they didn’t come up, then they weren’t perennial, were they? (I planted seven boxwood bushes just this morning to replace seven that had died).

  25. pbunyan says:

    life being able to exist on the planet Earth. (I know it’s not funny, but it is true.)

  26. James says:

    The heartbreak of psoriasis.

  27. Burt says:

    …Hillary dropping the use of John Lennon’s “Imagine” as a campaign song in favor of a more apt one.

  28. Anonymiss says:

    @24 They had been perennial several years previous… 😛

    Sorry about your boxwoods. They’re cute. We’re too cold for those every year. :(

  29. Jimmy says:

    …super-cold dehydration death of perennials in Wisconsin. One more on the list!

  30. Jimmy says:

    …lack of adequate pollinators here, aka, freeze-dried bees.

  31. Hordog says:

    …the racist attitudes of racist homophobes, and the racist racism of racist race car drivers on the racist raceways in racist southern states and racist racist racist racism. Not to mention racism…

  32. Chip says:

    … the Koch brothers!

  33. SenatorMark says:

    …Bob Beckel’s heat stroke

  34. blarg says:

    …cannibalism! (

    …global cooling

    …slowing the spread of authoritarian socialism throughout the world

    …universal cooling and ultimately heat death of the universe

    …IRS audits

  35. blarg says:


  36. blarg says:

    …me getting “the trorskis” after eating some Borscht.

  37. blarg says:

    oops….that should be “the trotskis”

    I blame the global warming.

  38. Iowa Jim says:

    @28 – You live somewhere colder than Iowa? Yikes!!

  39. Oppo says:

    … the origin of Western snivelization.

  40. Bob B says:

    …M&Ms melting in your hand.

  41. Jimmy says:

    @36 blarg: You wouldn’t get the trotskis if you ate my Borscht! But you would resort to grunting while you eat it.

  42. blarg says:

    …by the way, did you know that the word “racist” was invented to Leon Trotsky in the 1920’s to discredit and embarrass those who opposed Communism?

  43. blarg says:

    @42 …that is, he did not invent the concept of racism, he merely discovered how effective a tool calling people who disagree with you “racist” was and used it to smear his opposition rather than engage them with factual arguments.

  44. DamnCat says:


  45. Oppo says:

    … solar activity. The way puddles cause rain.

    … massive erosion; regrettable, tragic, widespread catastrophic erosion — of the credibility of “scientists.”

  46. CrabbyOldBat says:

    . . . 99.8% of government grants for Science! in the last decade.

  47. walruskkkch says:

    Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…

    raising you kids.

    liberal logic.

    burning your steak.

  48. Dohtimes says:

    …global frontal lobe-al destruction.

    …Hillary Clinton showing signs of heart melting and/or record icing over of the spot where she should have a heart.

    …cows, pigs and squirrels having to wear sweat bands when playing tennis.

    …the spontaneous combustion of Christian churches near peace loving Muslims.

  49. Chip says:

    … the fifth dentist not recommending Trident Gum.

  50. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …the end of the last ice age.

    …the movie “An Inconvenient Truth”

    …Joe Biden sounding like an idiot.

  51. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    people voting stupidly.

  52. Writer says:

    …too many boring “specials” suggesting it is actually real

  53. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Increased PROFITTTT for the evil Koch Brothers!

  54. Bad Science says:

    Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…
    the profitability of Big Environment!
    the collapse of Enron.
    the people who must drive very differently than me, to think otherwise would be madness.

  55. HokieGomer says:


    …dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!

    …Global cooling. Really! It’s on the internet!

    …that giant sucking sound coming from my wallet.

    …hippies. Just another reason to punch Michael Mann in the face.

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