Straight Line of the Day: Panic! Global Warming Is Now Responsible for…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…

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55 Comments

  1. Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…

    …my soy milk going bad 2 days before the expiration date on the carton. (Never mind, I forgot to put it back in the fridge. My bad.)

    …gun crime in gun free zones

    …even more appearances by Al Bore

    …Mass Hysteria

    …the flood in the Bible. The movie said so

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  2. Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…

    whatever ya got worth panicing over.

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  3. Just the facts…

    …the coldest winter in 102 years.

    …100% Arctic freeze-up.

    …polar bears, seals and whales stranded above and below the ice.

    …cats coughing up record fur balls.

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  4. The Koch brothers. Since Harry Reid says they are primarily responsible for global warming, this leads to a never-ending cycle. Or something.

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  5. . . . flat beer

    . . . the temperature of -9 Fahrenheit that we had here on March 3.

    Anonymiss – If they didn’t come up, then they weren’t perennial, were they? (I planted seven boxwood bushes just this morning to replace seven that had died).

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  6. life being able to exist on the planet Earth. (I know it’s not funny, but it is true.)

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  7. @24 They had been perennial several years previous… 😛

    Sorry about your boxwoods. They’re cute. We’re too cold for those every year. 🙁

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  8. …the racist attitudes of racist homophobes, and the racist racism of racist race car drivers on the racist raceways in racist southern states and racist racist racist racism. Not to mention racism…

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  9. @36 blarg: You wouldn’t get the trotskis if you ate my Borscht! But you would resort to grunting while you eat it.

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  10. …by the way, did you know that the word “racist” was invented to Leon Trotsky in the 1920’s to discredit and embarrass those who opposed Communism?

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  11. @42 …that is, he did not invent the concept of racism, he merely discovered how effective a tool calling people who disagree with you “racist” was and used it to smear his opposition rather than engage them with factual arguments.

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  12. … solar activity. The way puddles cause rain.

    … massive erosion; regrettable, tragic, widespread catastrophic erosion — of the credibility of “scientists.”

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  13. Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…

    raising you kids.

    liberal logic.

    burning your steak.

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  14. …global frontal lobe-al destruction.

    …Hillary Clinton showing signs of heart melting and/or record icing over of the spot where she should have a heart.

    …cows, pigs and squirrels having to wear sweat bands when playing tennis.

    …the spontaneous combustion of Christian churches near peace loving Muslims.

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  15. …the end of the last ice age.

    …the movie “An Inconvenient Truth”

    …Joe Biden sounding like an idiot.

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  16. Panic! Global warming is now responsible for…
    the profitability of Big Environment!
    the collapse of Enron.
    the people who must drive very differently than me, to think otherwise would be madness.

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  17. …swampcrotch.

    …dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!

    …Global cooling. Really! It’s on the internet!

    …that giant sucking sound coming from my wallet.

    …hippies. Just another reason to punch Michael Mann in the face.

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