Straight Line of the Day: Republicans Are Proposing a New Immigration Bill. Democrats Are Objecting to It Because…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Republicans are proposing a new immigration bill. Democrats are objecting to it because…

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36 Comments

  1. … none of them are financially making out like bandits as a result.
    … Republicans are proposing it – what more need be said?

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  2. …it is demeaning and insulting to immigrants.

    …it is loaded with micro-aggressions and “trigger” language.

    …it threatens to take away a major campaign issue.

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  3. . . . it doesn’t pay immigrants to come here

    . . . it will actually be published and read before it is passed

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  4. Republicans Are Proposing a New Immigration Bill. Democrats Are Objecting to It Because…

    it isn’t a complete surrender of US sovereignty.

    it doesn’t create enough Democratic voters.

    What, no free healthcare for everyone?

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  5. … they’re playing reverse-psychology with the “if the Democrats are against it, I’m for it!” crowd.

    (This is probably actually true, rather than being a punchline.)

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  6. … Reid won’t let it come to the floor unless it includes a clause blaming the Koch Brothers for something.

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  7. Republicans Are Proposing a New Immigration Bill. Democrats Are Objecting to It Because…

    …shakes Magic 8 Ball…

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  8. . . . it doesn’t define American citizenship as a fundamental human right, with enforcement powers given to the UN.

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  9. … they were still recovering from their Cinco de Mayo cultural approbations and couldn’t stagger to the floor to vote.

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  10. Republicans are proposing a new immigration bill. Democrats are objecting to it because… Boooooossssshhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

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  11. Republicans are proposing a new immigration bill. Democrats are objecting to it because…because the debate is settled and Democrats are the smirtist people around. A recent survey said so.

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  12. …their counter-proposal is to make everyone on the planet a U.S. citizen and immediately extend to them every hand-out program.

    …the bill doesn’t explicitly eliminate the Republican Party from every election after it passes, it only does so in a practical sense.

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  13. …it’s sponsored by “Speedy Gonzales” and “That dog down at the Taco Bell”.

    …they all thought Mexico was a state already.

    …Sean Penn is still filming The Wild Bunch vs The Magnificent Seven and needs us to hate poor Mexicans until it goes to DVD.

    …the Spanish translation eliminated all the gendered words, at the Democrats insistence, so it reads like typical Democrat gibberish.

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  14. …Republicans are “Islamo-homophobic-racist war-on-women stuck into binders by Rush Limbaugh on Fox News.” (Thanks, Andrew Klavan.)

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  15. …the phrase “If you like living in the US, you can keep living in the US” sounds eerily familiar.

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