Straight Line of the Day: The USDA Said They’d Make School Lunch Rules More “Flexible”…

Posted on May 23, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The USDA said they’d make school lunch rules more “flexible”…

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25 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: The USDA Said They’d Make School Lunch Rules More “Flexible”…”

  1. Steve H says:

    … by serving the crap to the parents instead.
    … by counting Pot as a vegetable and Fritos as dessert.

  2. Burt says:

    …bringing hope to the students that perhaps soon they will make them more chewable and maybe even palatable.

  3. Jimmy says:

    …because, really, we’re wondering just why we’re in this business to start with, seeing as how “public schools” are a State affair and not Federal business and we’re beginning to see that we really shouldn’t be doing this in the first place, so we’re going to back-off our stupid, insipid regulations and let the States take it back (if they want too – since, after all, the individual school districts used to do it themselves) and butt out of everyone’s business, ’cause you know what? The
    Federal Government and, in particular, the USDA, sucks.”

  4. DamnCat says:

    …starting with extending the expiration dates on ground horse.

  5. Burt says:

    …turns out they actually meant ‘more rubbery”.

  6. jw says:

    …because obama told putin that he would be more flexible after the election.

  7. Jimmy says:

    …student choice of detention or forced feeding for the crime of throwing the food crap away.

  8. Bob B says:

    …as long as DoE SWAT gets their food first…

  9. zzyzx says:

    They’re going to replace boiled lima beans with fried okra.

  10. Burt says:

    …mystery meat now comes from the VA.

  11. blarg says:

    …by including Obama’s favorite dog dishes fresh from the local pound.

  12. Jimmy says:

    …by recommending various new, flexible, Yoga-based positions for the teachers who stand over their students while they eat the crap.

  13. blarg says:

    …after the election.

  14. blarg says:

    …”soylent” is now cleared to satisfy 3 of the 4 food groups.

    …food redistribution will now take food from ‘the rich kids” whose parents actually care enough about their kids to send them to school with their own food from home so they don’t starve.

  15. Oppo says:

    … like the Constitution. Look for penumbra and jelly sandwiches.

    … due to its emphasis on yoga-urt.

    … so that Obama can fight a bendy-straw man for a change.

    … to promote liberty and justice for halal. (Each kid getting their fair shariah.)

    … — trans fats will be treated the same as gay or straight fats. Better, actually, since they won’t be banned.

  16. blarg says:

    …by allowing the school district to call students and parents that complain about school lunches racists.

  17. Jack says:

    The lunch lady will now be taking yoga classes.

  18. Jimmy says:

    …by permitting students to talk and chew with their mouths open before extruding the crap through their teeth and spatting it out into Federally-provided vomit bags.

  19. blarg says:

    …children unable to get enough nutrition from the allotment of food determined by the government to be sufficient will be fined.

  20. blarg says:

    …by announcing new food recycling guidelines.

  21. Dohtimes says:

    …by making the Rules of Engagement less restrictive than the ones our troops follow in battle.

    …by declaring that E. Coli can make up half of a serving of meat but only 1/4 that of a vegetable dish.

    …and “green” by combining the cooking with the composting.

    …from now on the meals will be “administered” by the school nurse, and students must have a note from a doctor to skip lunch.

    …from now on oral eating is not eating.

    …meaning that they will ask that biting whole grain bread into the shape of a gun will warrant half the suspension as a Pop Tart.

  22. walruskkkch says:

    The USDA said they’d make school lunch rules more “flexible”…

    in that they will interpret them any damn way they please. Now shut up and eat your green looking things that might be vegetables.

  23. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . by expanding the number of types of tofu served.

  24. Karen says:

    … They were going to say ‘edible’, but were laughing too hard to get it down.

  25. tanstaafl44 says:

    by making them pica-friendly

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