Straight Line of the Day: The USDA Said They’d Make School Lunch Rules More “Flexible”…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The USDA said they’d make school lunch rules more “flexible”…

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  1. …because, really, we’re wondering just why we’re in this business to start with, seeing as how “public schools” are a State affair and not Federal business and we’re beginning to see that we really shouldn’t be doing this in the first place, so we’re going to back-off our stupid, insipid regulations and let the States take it back (if they want too – since, after all, the individual school districts used to do it themselves) and butt out of everyone’s business, ’cause you know what? The
    Federal Government and, in particular, the USDA, sucks.”

  2. …”soylent” is now cleared to satisfy 3 of the 4 food groups.

    …food redistribution will now take food from ‘the rich kids” whose parents actually care enough about their kids to send them to school with their own food from home so they don’t starve.

  3. … like the Constitution. Look for penumbra and jelly sandwiches.

    … due to its emphasis on yoga-urt.

    … so that Obama can fight a bendy-straw man for a change.

    … to promote liberty and justice for halal. (Each kid getting their fair shariah.)

    … — trans fats will be treated the same as gay or straight fats. Better, actually, since they won’t be banned.

  4. …by making the Rules of Engagement less restrictive than the ones our troops follow in battle.

    …by declaring that E. Coli can make up half of a serving of meat but only 1/4 that of a vegetable dish.

    …and “green” by combining the cooking with the composting.

    …from now on the meals will be “administered” by the school nurse, and students must have a note from a doctor to skip lunch.

    …from now on oral eating is not eating.

    …meaning that they will ask that biting whole grain bread into the shape of a gun will warrant half the suspension as a Pop Tart.

  5. The USDA said they’d make school lunch rules more “flexible”…

    in that they will interpret them any damn way they please. Now shut up and eat your green looking things that might be vegetables.


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