Straight Line of the Day: To Defend Her School Lunch Program, Michelle Obama…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

To defend her school lunch program, Michelle Obama…

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40 Comments

  1. To defend her school lunch program, Michelle Obama…

    … mistakenly had some lunch and didn’t have enough strength to whimper, much less fight.
    … said, “All the cool kids in those Weird All videos are eatin’ it!”
    … showed how the same program worked perfectly well in all those German education camps back in WWII.

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  2. To defend her school lunch program, Michelle Obama…

    has finally found a use for the military.

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  3. To defend her school lunch program, Michelle Obama…

    will defend it to the life of the last student.

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  4. …constructed her Magic No Line.

    …held up a pair of her undies and said she was the only person who could fit them and look so fine.

    …proudly announced that America now has the highest quality cafeteria garbage of any third world country.

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  5. …put on he scary face and told the children that in Barry’s home town in Kenya, your lunch eats you.

    …blamed the spoon for the gag reflex, had a Valley Girl arrested as an example.

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  6. …deployed tofu-laden drones.

    …demanded that children be detained in cafeterias around the nation “until they finish ALL the food on their plates”, regardless of appeal or taste.

    …issued a fatwa against meat, fat-laden and sugary snacks, and all starches.

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  7. …laughed and said, “I love it when a plan comes together! Once 90% of the students are scraping their plates directly into waste cans, we will replace everything with recycled Styrofoam! Just imagine the savings!

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  8. To defend her school lunch program, Michelle Obama…

    said, “Even if they don’t eat it, it is graft well spent.”

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  9. …put down her pâté de Foie Gras, pounded her glass of Chateau Lafite, 1787, burped loudly and said, “Now let’s see if we can make their food a little less appetizing than before! Smaller portions, perhaps?”

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  10. To defend her school lunch program, Michelle Obama…

    …got jiggy with it

    …blamed republicans for the awful food

    …had all the lunches brought from home confiscated and burned. And any child throwing out the government supplied faux lunches was severely beaten into compliance

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  11. …took another taxpayer-funded junket vacation until the whole thing blows over everyone loses interest.

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  12. …threatened to throw her full weight behind the program, generating great concern among seismologists around the nation.

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  13. …blamed it on a youtube video.
    …claimed she found out about it on the news like everyone else.
    …RACIST!
    …MISOGYNISTS!

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  14. To defend her school lunch program, Michelle Obama
    ranted furiously: “If they can’t stand the nasty, stay out of the lunch line!”

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  15. …ate some in front of an audience, then promptly threw it up. She claimed it was so good she wanted to taste it twice.

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  16. … noted that a complete lack of taste has been good enough for the White House for the past five and a half years, so it should be good enough for the kiddies.

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  17. … had John Roberts proclaim it legitimate for Congress to tax every man, woman, and child of any age that does not eat an administration-approved lunch every day (including weekends and holidays).

    Man, I hate that guy’s reasoning.

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  18. …will spend three weeks traveling to Martha’s Vineyard, Honolulu, Palm Springs, and Paris, France

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  19. …donned a burka made entirely from bacon.
    …started a food fight called “hash tag”

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  20. …blurted out, “It’s simply NOT TRUE that this food is the reason why more Americans are home schooling than ever before. It’s the Republicans!!”

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  21. … said, “Barack and I are Commander ‘n’ Chef. Shut up!”

    … said, “For the first time in my adult life, I feel Prudhomme of my country.”

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  22. … said, “Well, they say you are what you eat, so it’s going to be nuts and greens in our public schools.”

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  23. … asked, “What’s the problem? A couple of years ago you kids couldn’t get enough of Hog Warts.”

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  24. To defend her school lunch program, Michelle Obama…

    … showed poll results indicating that kids prefer Michelle’s Menu over Soylent Green by a margin of three to one.

    … quoted the old Klingon proverb that “Revenge is a dish best served cold” and added “So is a school lunch.”

    … demanded a chalk-faced whore be brought as a sacrifice to summon the Fek’lhr so he will smite her enemies and take them to Greth’or with the rest of the dishonored dead.

    … won’t take a hint and just sit down and STFU.

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