If you love something, set it free. If you hate something, put it in a cage. That's why birds are in cages: we hate them.
— Amy Spiker (@ASpiker) May 27, 2014
How are you supposed to eat an unpitted olive without looking like a giant nibbling on a plum?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) May 28, 2014
So Hitler wasn't a socialist b/c his socialism wasn't pure, but he was a Christian b/c he was baptized. I guess we defend what we love.
— Political Math (@politicalmath) May 28, 2014
Fun fact: There is no place in the world where I talk to myself more than I do when I'm at the grocery store.
— T. Becket Adams (@BecketAdams) May 28, 2014