Random Thoughts: Illegal Immigration, My Novel, and Soccer

Posted on June 17, 2014 9:00 am

Can we at least keep illegal immigrant criminals from coming over here? We don’t want them stealing heists from American criminals.

Make sure to join in the crowdfunding for Liberty Island which will be publishing my first novel.

It only takes $5 to get the ebook of my novel. You have $5. Everyone in America has at least $5.

It’s $25 for a signed copy of the print book. So if you’ve been dying to get me to acknowledge your existence, boom.

Not sure how to promote myself as a first time novelist, but I promise I am good writer. No write boring.

I can’t imagine someone who wouldn’t want a novel by me. Maybe if that person was the reincarnation of Hitler.

You’re not the reincarnation of Hitler, though. You would like a fun story about sociopathic, intergalactic hitman written by me.

Working in the IT department for the federal government seems like it’s very non-demanding.

Got an idea for a wacky comedy about an Obama appointee trying desperately and unsuccessfully to get himself fired.

So this is the United States of America that’s about to play a soccer match? Not some country called “Usa”?

Not to sound like an ignorant American, but what continent is Ghana on?

We put a man on the moon; I don’t care if we can put a ball in a net.

So when is the first game we play against a country Americans have heard of?

The clock counts up? What insanity is this? Has no one who plays soccer seen how a modern sport works?

But what country is best at playing Mario Kart?

But what if we lose to Ghana? I bet Barack Obama won’t take any of the blame.

Wow. This live update of the World Cup that Twitter has put on the sidebar is really exciting.

You have to give Americans credit for caring enough about soccer to make fun of it. We could just completely ignore it.

None of our tax dollars went to teaching guys how to kick a ball around, right?

“America just played its first game of the 2014 World Cup.”
“The what?”
“And they beat Ghana!”
“Who?”

So far, this is really in the running for best season of 24.

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10 Responses to “Random Thoughts: Illegal Immigration, My Novel, and Soccer”

  1. FredKey says:

    If you steal a heist, is it a heist heist? This could get confusing.

  2. DamnCat says:

    So far, this is really in the running for best season of 24.

    Chloe’s whininess and petulance were always her most annoying characteristics. But now that she’s gone Goth those traits only place and show.

  3. Jimmy says:

    “The clock counts up? What insanity is this?”

    That way the fans know how much time they have wasted.

  4. Jimmy says:

    “Wow they’ve been running around chasing that ball for 89 minutes. They must be really tired.”

  5. Jimmy says:

    “I can’t believe I sat here for 90 minutes and the score is 0-0. What a wonderful experience! Oh, look, a riot!”

  6. Jimmy says:

    “Daddy, when do they stop chasing that ball? I’m bored.”

  7. Jimmy says:

    “Is he really hurt, or is he just pretending to be a girl?”

  8. Steve H says:

    Working in the IT department for the federal government seems like it’s very non-demanding.

    Except for the ducking-and-running from those of us who don’t appreciate paying your wages with our hard-earned taxes.

  9. Steve H says:

    (Contrary to rumors, I don’t charge royalties when other people use the blockquote tag.)

  10. Denise says:

    Hey Frank, I just read on the Breitbart website that in the movie Batman vs. Superman Dawn of the Ridiculous Sequel (I can’t remember the exact title) Aquaman is going to be played by Jason Momoa! Up against Ben Affleck and Henry Cavil, Aquaman could win!

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