Teaching our language is so hard. “Add ‘ed’ to the end of a verb to make past tense, except for these 80 million exceptions: saw, took,…”
“More like ‘Mario Fart’!” -line I’m saving for if Nintendo one day releases a bad Mario Kart game
Can I really criticize the police for carelessly chucking a flashbang grenade in a room when I do that all the time in Call of Duty?
If I were president, all my signing statements would be about what a good show Community and how everyone should watch it.
According to my climate model, soon thousands of Persian arrows will blot out the son. Wait, I put in wrong year…
Most men don’t understand what the #YesAllWomen thing is about because they were only pretending to listen.
Why don’t we give hurricanes names people know to be scared of, like Hillary?
If you consider it Obama’s job to provide plenty of content for news coverage and commentary, he does a really good job as president.