Random Thoughts: Middle East, World Cup, and Guns

Tragic shooting. People yell at guns and NRA for a few days. Propose laws that wouldn’t have stopped said shooting. Everyone moves on.

So guy steals guns to get around background check and heads to a school with numerous 10rd magazines. What’s the next move?

The Tea Party is dead — the walking dead, killing everyone in its wake!

I’m guessing the anteater was named past 4 o’clock on a Friday.

Trying to ban guns could cause a civil war in America. One where only one side has guns.

According to an Everytown press release I received, everyone in America was killed with guns last year and now we’re all ghosts.

Universal background checks could potentially stop one or two of the dumbest, laziest criminals from obtaining a gun.

“No one is talking about banning guns.” -guy who wishes we could ban guns

Know what would make a less violent world? A hug gun – a gun that when you pull the trigger, hugs its target. Also has a “Crush” setting.

We don’t actually like guns in this country; we just pretend to so as not to anger them.

I want my kids to think I’m cool; how hard is it to learn to rap?

Looking at which countries in Middle East are actually successful and stable, I have one question for the people there: Have you tried Judaism?

Maybe if we actually put some effort into winning the World Cup, other countries would finally like us. Nah; doesn’t seem worth it.

Remember all the doors we had to manually open before there were automatic doors? We were worn out all the time.

I wish my home had automatic doors, but I guess that would make it easy to rob.

Okay, I’ll finally ask: What’s the big deal about the Mona Lisa? It’s just a painting of some woman.

My wife never gives me partial credit for listening.

Everybody calm down; Obama obviously knows what he’s doing. The man has a Nobel Peace Prize.

Did Hitler win the Nobel Peace Prize at one point, or does that just sound like something that’s true?

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  1. “I want my kids to think I’m cool; how hard is it to learn to rap?”

    Really, really hard. Because you first have to listen to rap then you have to listen to yourself rap.

    Just get the kids guns for Christmas – they’ll think you’re awesome.


  2. how hard is it to learn to rap?

    1. Start by watching Whose Line Is It Anyway reruns.
    2. Observe just how silly it is when old white experienced paid professionals do it.
    3. Look in a mirror and notice the similarities.
    4. Give up on rap.


  3. My wife never gives me partial credit for listening.

    Explain to your wife that what you are actually doing is disregarding her and that this would be impossible if you weren’t actually listening to her. That should make her feel much better.


  4. Yasser Arafat had the same goals and largely the same methods and Hitler and he won a Nobel Peace Prize.

    On a related note, Judaism may make you more successful and stable but it probably won’t win you any Nobel Peace Prize these days.


  5. My wife never gives me partial credit for listening.

    And once again we look to the Simpsons

    “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening” – Homer



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