Straight Line of the Day: The Border Patrol Found a “Cheat Sheet” of Things to Say if You’re Caught Sneaking Across the Border…

Posted on June 30, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The Border Patrol found a “cheat sheet” of things to say if you’re caught sneaking across the border…

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28 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: The Border Patrol Found a “Cheat Sheet” of Things to Say if You’re Caught Sneaking Across the Border…”

  1. blarg says:

    …I’ll vote Democrat

  2. Bob B says:

    …”Yo quiero Taco Bell”

  3. Bob B says:

    …”Where the white wimmin at?”

  4. blarg says:

    …hello, my name is Enigo Montoya…

  5. FredKey says:

    “Viva Obama!”

  6. blarg says:

    …allah acbar!

  7. Steve H says:

    The Border Patrol Found a “Cheat Sheet” of Things to Say if You’re Caught Sneaking Across the Border…”

    … I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.
    … My name is Julio Von Trapp.
    … [the five tones from Close Encounter of the Third Kind]

  8. Anchorman says:

    If found, please return to:

    430 South Capitol St. SE
    Washington, DC 20003

  9. Gumbeaux says:

    I was born in East L.A., wah sap nin?

  10. FormerHostage says:

    My hovercraft is full of eels.
    I will not buy this record, it is scratched.
    Do you want to come back to my place — bouncy-bouncy?
    Please fondle my bum.
    My nipples explode with delight!

    NOTE: Given the glaring incompetence of this administration these are not beyond belief.

  11. Jimmy says:

    “Tell the President I have CHOOM!”

    “I get Obamaphone now?”

    “Take me to your feeder.”

  12. Jimmy says:

    “Here my applications for driver’s license, EBT card, Medicaid, and demonstration permit.”

  13. Gusto Smooth says:

    …I’m here to pick the crops in Mrs. Obama’s garden.

    …Uncle Harry and Aunt Nancy said I didn’t need any papers because we’re all Americans, amigo.

    …Am I too late for Pride month? I know it’s going to be fab-u-lous.

    …We can’t get BET in Mejico and that is such a shame. I want to see real black people on TV.

    …Justice for Trayvon, gnomesane.

  14. CrabbyOldBat says:

    Tengo Amnistía Internacional en el marcado rápido.

  15. Bob B says:

    …”Have you any Grey Poupon?”

  16. blarg says:


  17. c64wood says:

    I saw commercial that say to “Run for the border”

  18. Bob B says:

    …”I can sparkle too!” [show hands with up twinkles]

  19. Bob B says:

    …”I’m not a crisis, I’m an opportunity!”*
    *Lost opportunity costs not included

  20. Jimmy says:

    “I can have Twinkies? Happy Meal?”

  21. Amer-I-Can says:

    I’m Obama’s lost son. Don’t you see the resemblance?

  22. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    My name is Juan, I’m From Kenya and I’d like to be president.

  23. frogmouth says:


    I knew I should made that left toin at Albakoikee…

    Free at last! Free at last! Good God Almighty we are free at last!

  24. archangel says:

    apparently i’m God’s child. call nancy.

  25. Bob B says:

    …”I am here for the cookies – can you take me to them, please? I was told there were cookies…”

  26. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …ID cards? We don’t need no stinkin’ ID cards.

  27. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    ID cards? I got 5 stinkin’ ID cards and I’m going to sign up for welfare and vote with all of them, Viva El Presidente!

  28. DamnCat says:

    “Congress wouldn’t act so I decided to borrow the power to naturalize myself.”

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